Somewhere in the Dark
by BarbaritaS
Summary: Rukia is a successful psychiatrist, working in a prestige insane asylum for extreme cases. However, her last case is giving her much more worries than any other. IchiRuki, GrimmRuki
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I DO NOT own Bleach or any of it´s characters. Also I make no money of this story.

**Fandom:**Bleach

**Pairing:**IchiRuki, GrimmRuki

**Rating:**M for Mature; sex, swearing, violence, etc.

**Full summary: **Rukia is a successful psychiatrist, working in a prestige insane asylum for extreme cases. However, her last case is giving her much more worries than any other. The patient is a famous serial killer Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez who is making her feel very uneasy and restless. And her boss Ichigo Kurosaki isn´t helping at all; actually, he´s making her situation even worse. Practically forced into dating him by her own unknown needs, Rukia feels like getting to normal again. But what if nothing´s like it seems to be?

**AN:** Yet another Bleach story by me. I´m getting kinda into it. Maybe too much. I´m supposed to study something right now, and instead of it, I´m writing a story. Oh well. It´s a personality development, neh? And this is one of those ideas that seemed quite decent to me. And… well, here goes pretty wicked, insane, outta line and weird story! =)

**Enjoy!**

**AN: Thanks to my dear friend ****Hekka**** I published this much sooner then I planned. You provoked me to do it! =D (THANKS!)**

**xOxOxOxOxOx**

_It was a peaceful afternoon, if I don´t pay attention to the cars and trains all around the normally peaceful suburb I lived in. The sun was hidden above the thick blanket of grey clouds crawling across the sky and I found my head tilted back, my eyes all puffy and teary, staring at those million different shades of metallic color. Why was I crying? I´m not a weak being. I´m not supposed to cry. Yet, my face was all wet from salty tears burning in the corners of my eyes._

_I didn´t bother with wiping them away. I just let them fall. It´s not like somebody cares, anyway._

_I was sitting at the terrace of our little wooden house, looking much more like a cabin than actual place where one would want to raise a kid. It was surrounded by a nature; or what was left of it. Dead trees looking like angry monsters with dried skin, bushes with green/gray leaves seeming like creeping spirits with every intention in popping out on me, dragging me to Hell along with them, and of course, the heavy, incredibly huge gray heavens._

_And I cried. I cried because I felt like the sky was about to crush me. My very existence. I cried because I couldn´t take it anymore._

_And then I heard that voice. It felt like a slap burning on my face, like something that forces you to keep living. Like the very thing that you´re supposed to live for. And even though I didn´t believe it, this time it wasn´t just my imagination._

"_Rukia," it said my name with such a tenderness it made me gasp; not in fear, not in shock, nor in nervousness. It was something I had never felt before. The voice was making me somewhat uncertain of the wooden floor under my very feet, it´s smoky taste and somehow acrid tone sending goose bumps all over my skin. It sounded like ocean, the one that was over the little coast nearby our city. Acrid and smoky, smoky and acrid. I repeated the combination of the two words till it bothered me and then turned to the source of the unusual sound of human voice._

"_Who´s there?" I spoke up in my almost painfully usual voice, feeling nearly embarrassed for it. Compared to the one who said my name like that, I was just a little kid without knowledge of the world._

_There was a rustling in the bushes. Cold air was running through the bare benches of the dead trees, making scary noises. I turned to face the one who was speaking to me, but I couldn´t see him. Standing up, I bravely called out once more, asking who was it, but the answer didn´t come. My legs automatically started to move backwards, taking small shaky steps leading to the main door. I felt that inside the house I´d be much safer than out here. _

_But suddenly, I found my back pressed against a strong chest. Two hands grabbed my arms, firm fingers wrapping around them. I yelped like scared little animal and tried to push the intruder away, which involved turning to him. And there I froze again._

"_You can calm down now, Rukia," I saw the familiar cocky smile and bared sharp teeth. Pair of sparkling teal eyes laid the man´s sight on me. My very old friend narrowed his hypnotizing eyes and let them roam over my body. "Rukia," he mumbled suspiciously, "I think this is getting worse and worse. We shall take you to the hospital. There you will be safe…"_

…

"…_safe like me. And I´ll treat you just like you treat me." _

Everything was in the safe level of normalcy. Safe level of normalcy in an insane asylum.

"And then, there´s this princess, but she also is very bad. So I have to kill her and arrange it so it would look like it was her already-bad husband who did it."

Rukia Kuchiki gave the little girl her best fake smile. "Interesting, Nel," she commented the terrifying story made up by four-year old kid. She slowly tried to rub the pain away off her temples, pressing the two fingers against the source of the throbbing pain. Just one more hour. Only one more hour and her shift will be over. The terrible twenty hours of non-stop working with freaks will be finally over. "Now, sweetie, how about you show me some of those drawings you made for me, hm?" she asked with a soft smile, her lavender eyes scanning the little girl´s expression.

"Sure!" Nel exclaimed happily and ran over to the small table next to her bed. "I was working on it past three days, Miss Kuchiki! Miss Inoue said it was so pretty she´d put it on her fridge!" the girl sang and opened the drawer, pulling a sketchbook out of there.

Rukia made an acid grin, rolling her eyes. Of course, generally beloved and popular 'Miss Inoue'. Rukia would happily fire her, but to her misfortune, she was not the boss here. "Oh really?" she cooed. "I can´t wait!" the teal-haired girl jumped to Rukia´s side, flipping through the pages in her sketchbook. There, on the last page, was a drawing of an image very close to those in her most horrifying nightmares.

Nel was happily describing every little detail of the picture, even those most terrible ones that Rukia missed. She´d never think that the little girl´s fantasy could go this far, even beyond the state of safe insanity. The story bonded to the picture was simply _sick_. And Nel was supposed to be just a little girl. But this was something Rukia nearly couldn´t bear.

And yet, she did. _I´m a professional_.

"Wow, Nel, that is really breath-taking," she exclaimed excitedly and gently ran her fingers across the paper, "amazing, sweetie. Can I have it, or would you prefer to keep it here?" a simple question, but Rukia was hoping that she was able to take the picture with her. As Nel´s attending psychiatrist she felt the responsibility for the girl´s good health. She´d better take a good look at the picture, even if it wasn´t that pleasant to her. Maybe there was something that could help her in deciding what kind of medicine she should give to the girl.

"You may have it, Miss Kuchiki," Nel grinned widely, "Miss Inoue wanted it, too, but I said I´m saving it for someone special."

This sentence made Rukia´s day. Yes. That was it; nothing could ruin her mood now. Nel liked her better than Inoue. "Thank you very much, Nel. I really appreciate it. You can´t even imagine how much." A smile played across her lips. She took the paper Nell ripped out of the sketchbook, setting it aside carefully. "Now Nel, would you mind taking your Sunday pills, please?"

The girl shook her head, soft teal hair flying all over it. "No-o. Anything to make you happy, Miss Kuchiki!"

Rukia grinned in satisfaction at the girl, taking the white, yellow and red pills from the little box settled on the nightstand. "Aaaaa," she did playfully, waiting for Nel to open her mouth. She put the pills on the back of her tongue, handing her a glass of water. Nell took a big sip, swallowing all the pills at once. Rukia never stopped admiring how could she swallow so many big pills in one shot; but, then again, she guessed Nel was kind of used to it.

"Okay, darling," she smiled cheerfully, "now I wish you a pleasant sleep and beautiful dreams, and I will see you the day after tomorrow again. Agreed?"

"Yup!" the girl giggled and jumped into the bed, covering her small body with warm blankets. "Have a nice evening, Miss Kuchiki!"

"Thank you, Nel. Take care."

Rukia closed the door behind herself and quietly locked up the girl in. She always felt so bad about doing this; maybe the patients weren´t mentally okay, but it was still no reason to make dangerous murderers of them. Besides, this was just a little girl. Rukia just sometimes had such urge to slap her boss for this irrational rule. And she´d for sure do it, if there wasn´t another rule; _never slap those who might fire you_.

Rukia leaned against the bleached wall and sighed. All the people passing through the hallway, co-workers, nurses, visitors, other doctors and maids, they all had no clue how exhausted she felt. Twenty hours. Twenty hours of talking to crazy people hearing voices, feeling stranger´s hands all over them, seeing fairies and their dead relatives. Twenty hours of trying to figure out what kind of medicine would be best for each one of them. Rukia was so tired she could die then and there. But there was still one room she haven´t been to. But, after all, it was one of those patients she actually kind of liked talking to.

Getting herself back to the reality she headed to her office. It wasn´t actually much of an office; just a little room she had claimed hers after one long evening spent in an awkward silence in her boss´s office. He allowed her to have it; it had no purpose, no true meaning. So she got some cheap table, office chair and few drawers, and after a very short period of time the room was filled with her stuff, small presents from her family, friends or colleagues, work files, empty bowls of quick miso soup… but what was most noticeable in there was the most irritating human being Rukia had ever ran into.

Boss had told this to her just two months ago; this big news about her getting _something_ like secretary. Rukia got so excited about it, feeling like a highly appreciated and important doctor, like boss finally realized she really could use some help, being so busy all the time and so on – but when the girl appeared, the first moment Rukia spotted her in the hallway, she knew, no, she was absolutely sure, that she´d be the death of her. One day, she was expecting a nervous breakdown. Though it haven´t come just yet.

Rukia took a deep breath and opened the door to the office.

"Miss Kuchiki!" a loud shriek nearly tore her head off of her neck, giving her some extra headache. She gave a bored face, murmuring some greeting to the girl, not even half interested in what will be the girl´s respond. It was pretty usual for Inoue to get upset about every little thing; once she had uttered something spicy about her clumsiness and the poor girl nearly cried her eyes to some kind of illness. Then Rukia ordered a mega-sized pizza, let Inoue eat it all and everything was fine.

"Miss Kuchiki, the files you wanted are on the desk," she gave her an open-mouthed smile, screwing her eyes shut as if trying to cheer the exhausted woman up. Rukia settled her sights at the black desk hidden under bunches of papers, files and other random things. There was a file she wanted to see _yesterday_.

Rukia, who already took a deep breath before entering the room, exhaled in frustration and then inhaled again, smelling way too sweet perfume coming from Inoue. "Thank you, Orihime." She was always calling the girl by her first name; if she didn´t the orange-haired nurse took it almost personally.

Orihime nearly jumped in satisfaction, though it wasn´t that rare for Rukia to appreciate her work; no, it wasn´t rare at all. It became a common, daily routine. Rukia flattered the girl, suffered through the girl´s rambling about how happy she was that she could work under her, how she thought that Rukia was the only light in her dark world (_really? Really?_) and how she wanted Rukia to have her babies. OK, maybe Rukia added this one, but Orihime´s rambling was quite close to this point.

"By the way," Rukia mumbled, searching for the keys to the room number 308, "haven´t boss stopped by?" not that she wanted a decent conversation with her something-like-secretary. She just desired to know if she could leave after finishing this one patient.

Orihime made a long, thinking face. "Ummm," after the two months of working with Inoue, Rukia got automatically annoyed at this sound. "No, not really. But I met him at the corridor, oh, and he said he wanted to talk to you!"

A heavy sigh escaped the ebony-haired woman. "Okay. Thanks again, Orihime. You can go home now, if you want."

Orihime widened her already big and wide eyes. "Really, Miss Kuchiki? I can?"

She was making it sound like Rukia was some kind of workaholic who never let her subordinates out of the office, but never mind. "Yes, Orihime, you may go. You have been here since 9pm." Rukia nearly bit her tongue while saying that, because she had the urge to mention that she herself was here for more than twenty hours. But, well, self-flattery is a dirty thing.

"Wow!" the girl yelled excitedly, jumping up and down. Sometimes she looked like a horny poodle to Rukia. "Thank you so much! You´re the most generous woman I´ve ever met! Miss Kuchiki, you rock!"

Was it just Rukia, or was Inoue really making it sound like Rukia was some kind of old lady, a lonely widow who had adopted her to have some heir? "Yeah, well, have a nice evening and say hi to your brother, okay?" she mumbled and fought the need to smash her head against the desk.

"Okay!" Orihime exclaimed, absolutely happy about Rukia´s request. She practically ripped her nurse uniform off – literally, not practically – in front of Rukia, making the doctor turn her head away and roll her eyes. Sometimes it just felt like she´d doing this on a purpose.

"Well, I´ll be heading o the room number 308 – dammit, where are those goddamn keys?" she cursed under her breath, nearly shoving the mess on her desk aside to get the small item she was looking for. "I swear I saw them earlier somewhere in here… this is really ridiculous…" she was muttering under her breath, reopening the colorful archive of creative insults and nasty words she knew from her teenage years. But very silently – she didn´t need Orihime to know how short-tempered she actually was.

"Oh, those red keys?" the orange-haired girl asked curiously.

Rukia felt a slight sparkle of hope in her heart. "You know something about it?" she asked with giant eyes, her breath speeding up and her hands trembling. If she got to finish this quickly, she could finally take the promised day-off! Twenty hours of being in action, dammit!

"Um, yes, well, when I met doctor Kurosaki earlier, he asked me to hand over the keys to him," Orihime explained, pulling on a shirt with low and bold cleavage.

Rukia grunted in almost physical pain. "Oh well," she managed to say, "I guess I´ll have to stop by the main office before going to the patient. Okay. Grh." After all, it won´t make much of a difference if she stayed here a ten minutes more of less, right? Twenty one hours or twenty one hours and ten minutes, that doesn´t really matter, as long as there will be a day-off tomorrow.

"Okay. Have a nice evening, Miss Kuchiki!" Orihime waved her as a almost-farewell gesture, gathering her items randomly placed all around the office. Rukia shot her a quick deadly gaze she couldn´t see and walked out of the office, a notebook settled in the crook of her arm, her fingers making a quick moves on the screen of her cell phone. Just a quick text message. _Coming later, will bring a food._ Send to Nii-sama.

She pushed the cell phone back into the pocket of her tight black jeans, thinking they were fitting kind of even more tightly than usually. Well, maybe it was all the miso soup she had been eating during the break-less workdays.

As she approached the main office in the end of the corridor, she automatically fixed her hair pulled up into a small topknot, brushing the few locks that fell into her face away, pulling them behind her ears. Then she decided to put let them fall back. She fixed her purple silk shirt under the white doctor´s coat and sighed. Why the heck was she fixing her hair and clothes? This was her boss, not some kind of her attraction´s object.

She knocked firmly at the dark wooden door with Victorian-like golden knob. A low voice said 'come in' and she pressed the knob downwards, careful not to break it like the very first time she came to his office.

Mr. Kurosaki was sitting at his desk, his chocolate brown eyes scanning the papers he was holding between the slender fingers. Rukia always admired this; how could his desk be so tidy? He looked up, his eyes lazily traveling to the other doctor. "Welcome, Miss Kuchiki. How can I help you?" he asked, his still teen-like voice sending shivers down Rukia´s spine. She mentally slapped herself for this.

Her professional face was back on in a fragment of a second. "I need the keys of room 308 Orihime gave you earlier. And then, I believe there´s something you wanted to see me about, or at least, so Orihime said." She explained and closed the door behind her. From the past year and few months of working here, she had learned that it was much better to have privacy at things like this.

"Oh, yes," the taller man smiled, standing up. And even though Rukia started to wear high-heeled shoes especially because of him, she still felt like a total brat compared to him. He wasn´t that all; she was just that small. He walked over the one of the huge cherry-wood drawers from 19th century, grabbing the keys Rukia needed. Then he walked across the big office (nothing like hers) to the woman who was still standing by the door.

"Thank you," Rukia said without an emotion on her alabaster face – maybe there was some exhaustion, but that was pretty usual for her in the past few months.

The man gave her his goofy grin, his orange spiky hair reminding her of ginger in the low yellow light. "Not at all," he said, placing a soothing hand on her shoulder. "Now, Miss Kuchiki, you for sure know what I wanted to see you about." He said, probably really believing that Rukia was some kind of mind-reader. Well, she for sure wasn´t.

"Err… not actually," she said dryly at the expression in his face.

"Well, I´ll tell you then," he said cheerfully, obviously thinking that this is making her curious. It wasn´t. "I had decided that the patient in the room 308 was not suitable for you – it´s just that old lady with crazy ideas about things, you know?" Rukia was actually always looking forward to see Miss Barragan – she was a funny lady, really. Never ceased to amuse her with her newest jokes and crazy imaginations.

"Well, I don´t think it´s much of a pro –"

"Anyways," Ichigo cut her off before she could start complaining, "I had made my decision about case 19."

Rukia´s eyes widened. _Case 19?_ "But… Mr. Kurosaki, that could be –"

"Your career breakthrough, I know," he smiled warmly, "I don´t expect you to stay here forever. You´re the dandy girl. Supposed to be the America´s best psychiatrist. And you have a great potential, I can tell you that. So I´m handing the case to you."

Rukia´s heart was beating wildly, probably wishing to fly out of her chest and emigrate to Australia. It wasn´t like she was nervous about screwing up things – she was, after all, a professional. It wasn´t like she was flattered, either. But having her own case, such a responsibility, such a huge responsibility – and then of course, this wasn´t just some usual case of someone hearing voices and chasing after butterflies.

"Mr. Kurosaki… you… you really trust me enough to give me my own case?" she said breathlessly, failing to quit the impressed expression in her face.

The doctor and owner of the asylum laughed. "Of course, Miss Kuchiki. You´re one of my best doctors. Maybe even the best one, I´d say."

The young woman blushed. "Now you´re purposely flattering me," she mumbled in embarrassment, like a school girl who had been talking to the guy she liked so much for the very first time.

"Like hell I´m not," the spiky-haired doctor chuckled, "what I say is the truth! Always just the truth, Miss Kuchiki!" he eyed her for a moment, trying to make a firm and serious face, but failing and laughing again, seeing the petite doctor so pink in the face.

Rukia took an inhale of breath. "Well, okay, I´m very… umm… _honored_," she murmured, taking a step backwards, "and I promise I will not fail you!" she almost expected herself to salute, being so formal about his, but her hands stayed safely where she had them, hanging at her sides, holding notebook and the keys she no longer needed. She blushed again and handed them back to her boss.

"You´re so cute, Miss Kuchiki. But anyways, tell Miss Inoue to check on the patient in room 308…" he stopped there, turning around to get back to his desk. Rukia jumped lightly at this – she had already send Orihime back home. Dammit! She receives such a great job, her boss trusts her and she screws up even before all of that happens! Dammit! She nervously scratched the back of her scalp.

"Uh… well…"

"Or no," Mr. Kurosaki smiled, turning around to the tiny doctor, "you can do that the day after tomorrow."

"The day after tomorrow?" she repeated slowly, her heart (which meanwhile managed to get back from Australia) attempted to emigrate again.

The orange-haired man smiled. "Yes, Miss Kuchiki, the day after tomorrow. Or are you going to come tomorrow, even though I gave you a day-off?"

"N-no!" she shouted, but then quickly cleared her throat and repeated the impulsive respond in much calmer voice: "I mean, no, Mr. Kurosaki. I´m looking forward to my day-off. It had been long since I had one, so I´m planning to… ehm…"

"Oh, yes, that´s the last thing!" the boss shouted just like she did a moments before, making her feel more comfortable in his presence. "I´m having a day-off, too, so, if you don´t have any other plans, maybe we could hook up and have a dinner?" and there it was again; her heart went (flew) on a little vacation to Australia. Was her boss actually _asking her out_?

Her jaw fell open as she meant to reply calmly and intelligently, but this attempt failed thanks to the fact that she realized again (and better this time) that someone actually asked her out. Her boss, at the top of that. Well, that haven´t happen in quite long time. Rukia was the type of person who wasn´t _that_ attractive to the others; working all the time, small, flat-chested, a psychiatrist – maybe the last point at the list of her errors might be erased thanks to the fact that Mr. Kurosaki was a psychiatrist, too.

"Ehm," was all she had to say after his request was made. But she immediately, shook her hear, gathering the last pieces of her sanity together to make at least a little bit elegant and clever sentence. "Well, that depends. But as I think of it right now, I think I´m single – umm, free the next day. And I´d be happy to see you somewhere outside of this hospital." Yes, that may be called elegant and clever.

"Great!" doctor Kurosaki cheered and handed her the file he had been holding the whole time. "Well, Miss Kurosaki, you may would like to check this file; it´s about the new case you got. I´ll let you study it before you go and see the patient… ehm, _today_." The last word he murmured almost unnoticeably, immediately making Rukia´s decent smile froze on her face.

Oh well. Maybe she´d come home really, really late, but at least she had the day-off, and an actual date. "Will do, Mr. Kurosaki. I´m looking forward to see you tomorrow." Though right now she was almost lying. By now, if she haven´t got the new and her very own case, she could be already at home. But, then again, it really was an honor to her that she got it. It will cause some extra hours, but! But. She has her own case now. That´s a good thing.

"Me too, Miss Kuchiki. Have a pleasant night and sweet dreams!" Mr. Kurosaki closed the door behind her and Rukia almost felt like running down the corridors, screaming random things about what had just happened. _I have a date! I have a goddamn date with my boss! I got my own case! See, bitches, I´m working so hard I finally got my own case! I wanna go home, dammit!_ Rukia could be very unstable, from time to time.

She walked all the way back to her small office, entering the room. She kicked her high-heeled black shoes off, sighing at the feeling of the hard floor against her soaring feet. Her butt crashed against the office chair and she slammed the file against her desk in frustration, like it was some kind of annoying homework. She mentally slapped herself for thinking like this; she loved her job. It was never making her bored, never stopped to make her feel adrenalin pumping through her veins, never failed to make her shiver with every new information she got; she _loved_ her job. Few extra hours didn´t really matter.

Rukia opened the file filled with papers and photos. She slowly started reading.

_Case 19_

_The serial killer_

_Attending doctor: Rukia Kuchiki_

_Treated patient: Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez_

_Case´s character: Always feared and avoided 25 years old man from one of the worst and poorest suburbs of Tokyo. Now is known due to his killer´s status. Has killed 7 people. For his murders is very typical to leave a letter with a quotation he usually thinks up himself. At the court he was considered a mentally unstable, after this sent to the Hueco Insane Asylum. This case is to be handed to the most skilled psychiatrists with tough skin and naturally dominative qualities._

_Patient´s character: Aggressive since his childhood, short-tempered, arrogant, naturally the one to dominate the others. Otherwise he´s very thoughtful person. He never acts without deep thinking of it. His doctors are always surprised to hear his stories. He is quite talkative when he decides to trust someone and considers him worthy to listen to his story. Besides this, he may be very dangerous when he doesn´t like someone. He is to be located in area with no other patients._

_Location area: Sector C; sector for especially dangerous patients._

_Medicines/pills: ….._

_Day schedule: 9am breakfast (patient is used to get up at this time), daily therapies from ….. to ….., lunch at 1pm, dinner at 7pm. The attending doctor is to decide other activities according to his/her consideration. _

_Other: It is better to always have the patient under a good care; he shouldn´t be left alone for long time; he likes attention; hates being the submissive one (is to be forced into submission); he likes to talk a lot, but when he gets into the conversation too much, it is better to leave immediately._

_Signed: …._

Rukia sighed. She looked at the piece of paper in frustration. This was her new case? Really? A serial killer? She was a _woman_. She wasn´t anything like dominative – she was more like a little scared animal. How was doctor Kurosaki expecting her to deal with a murderer? A crazy one, at a top of that? Oh, goddamn karma, she shouldn´t have said she´d never get to be a good and successful psychiatrist. Now she got her very own case; a case of the serial killer.

Her lavender eyes tiredly looked at the photo from the prison. She wouldn´t complain. She can do this. If Mr. Kurosaki gave this case to her, it must have meant that she was able to handle things. And handle them herself. This would be her breakthrough. If she will do this right, she can go wherever she wants; every hospital would let her in. A serial killer wasn´t just some usual case, just like she thought before boss gave her the file.

Of course she knew. Everyone knew. About Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez. He was transferred here like a week ago, from Singapore. That was the place where the last murder happened. Before this, he had been killing only in Japan, never caught and never seen, not even spotted; so he thought he could do whatever he wanted and tried it in different country – and there they got him. And they transferred him right here, in this asylum, where Rukia was working for the past year. She thought it was ironical; she always thought she´d deal with little kids who were seeing in monsters under their bed, like Nel, or some madmen hearing voices, and so on. But she never expected to have a patient like this.

The petite woman sighed, looking at few more photos; from Grimmjow´s teenage years, with his family (or what was left of it), photo of him holding his first prey (his girlfriend who he happened to actually hate), photo of him grinning wickedly into the camera in some shopping mall…

Rukia stopped at that. The photo was taken on 15 of March. That was ten days ago. Was he showing himself on a purpose?

Shaking her head, she decided she´d thing of this all later. Now she was just too tired to come up with something useful. Closing the file, she turned the pc off, grabbed all of her things before pulling off her white coat she hanged on the hook by the door. She scanned the situation with her skilled eyes and then turned the lights off, closing and locking the door. In her pocket there was a new key; key to the room aside of all the other rooms.

The room she was heading to.

The room that was making her slightly nervous, graduating the feeling with every step she made.

The room that belonged to her newest and very own patient.

The room of Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez.

Her soft palm gently laid on the knob, the raven-haired psychiatrist took a deep breath, her free hand squeezing the file and her notebook uneasily. Her eyes closed for a little moment, enjoying the solitude of the not-so-popular part of the hospital. She thought she´d never come here; maybe just if she had some duties to do to get some extra money. And here she was now, feeling the coldness of the air here. She noticed the corridor had no windows, no anything; it was bleached, empty and boring. Also it was in the third floor, which was for the most dangerous patients. And right now, there was just one of that kind.

Her very own patient, very own case.

_God dammit_.

Rukia was just about to press the cool steel knob down and open the door, noticing she haven´t unlock them yet. Pulling the keys out of her pocket, she pushed it into the drawback lock and was just about to unlock and step in, when suddenly…

"Come in, RukiRuki. It´s opened."

**xOxOxOxOxOx**

**Oh well. So this was the first chapter of my brand new story.**

**So… how do you people feel about it? Tell me – give me a review or send me a PM, I don´t really care which one – but I´d like to hear your opinion.**

**And a little author´s note****: I don´t like Inoue – so I´m making Rukia don´t like her, either. Please, don´t kill me for this – and if you really like her so much, don´t read the story, because you may not like it. And if you still want to read it (which I would very very appreciate), please don´t bombard me with hateful reviews about it. And, at last, I would like to say – yes, I know that Barragan is a man =D but I really don´t know any other old people I would make freaks out of, so I gender-bended and came up with Mrs. Barragan (sounds funny, heh?). **

**Well anyways, hope you liked the first chappy and also I hope you will give me some ideas etc.! =) I always really appreciate reading a review and a critique that helps me improve my writing! **

**Thank you all for reading!**


	2. Worst evening ever

**Yup, I´m back. And here´s the second chapter =)**

**AN: Do not worry, people. I know where this story is going; so you don´t need to think I´m writing shit ;)**

**Oh well. Enjoy the 2****nd**** chappy =)**

**xOxOxOxOxOx**

_The sparkling in sapphire blue eyes was clearly visible even in the darkest night. That´s why Rukia always won; because he never closed his eyes while hiding. He´d always watch her closely, even if he knew he would let her know by revealing those eyes of his. She was the only one who could see this, though. She could see almost everything, even if it was so dark they had to hold hands to get safely back home. _

_The boy decided he liked the dark._

"_Oi, Rukia!" the not-so-manly voice called out, running after the little amethyst-eyed girl. He took her hand in his, securely locking it in his grasp._

_The girl frowned. "What are you doing?" her tiny voice was making her look even cuter, though he wasn´t sure if it was still possible._

"_Umm…" he muttered under his nose, his grasp tightening. "I want to stay with you forever, so we have to hold hands so you wouldn´t fall and break your neck or somethin'." His face was lightly flushed, she could tell even in the dark night. A soft smile played across her lips and she let her slender fingers wrap around his hand. He was just way too adorable._

"_Something tells me you´re doing this only because you´re afraid of falling yourself," she mocked him a little, teasing like she always did._

"_Hell no!" he yelled and let go of her hand. They stopped and he gave her an angry grimace. "Fine, you little –grh! Just fall somewhere and break your stupid neck, so I don´t have to see your face again!"_

_Rukia watched the hot-tempered boy walk off, silently giggling to herself. Then she started to walk after him, slowly getting up her pace until she was running. He heard her bare feet making slapping noises against the wet ground, his mind unconsciously thinking of the day he first met her; like it was raining so much and she was sitting in the middle of nowhere, crying her heart out. He turned around, but before he could scream into her face to leave him alone, she appeared to be around his neck, pressing her head into his tiny childish shoulder._

"_Hey! Why are you –"_

"_I´m so happy I have someone like you," she whispered. He could hear a cry in her voice, and so he did feel a wetness on his shoulder, but when she spoke, he heard a smile in her words. He wrapped his arms around her back, stroking it soothingly. He knew it. He always knew she was happy around him. Even if she was having a hard time in her life, every time she´d come to visit him in the suburb, her smile would return to her beautiful face. And so would his._

"_Me too," he mumbled into her soft raven hair, caressing her back until she stopped hugging him to her. _

_The girl looked up, wiping away her happy-cry tears. "Good. I guess we can stay together, after all."_

_He widened his eyes. "You ever had doubts?"_

Rukia suddenly tore her eyes open, realizing she never noticed closing them. Her hand was still laid on the knob of the door to the room where her new patient was. For some kind of reason she didn´t understand, her heart was beating like after a hundred-yard race. She laid a hand on her chest in quite a surprise, waiting there till it calmed down; at least a little bit. She wasn´t expecting it to calm down to its usual peaceful point, after all, she was just about to face a serial killer, but she knew she had to at least not look like being nervous. All of her professors on the collage had been reminding her: "Never show your fear to a predator." And she was damn sure that this man was exactly that.

"Let´s get this over," she whispered to herself, ignoring the fact that just a moment ago she was called by her childhood nickname; she was more than sure that it was just a hallucination. This place did things to her. For example, just a few seconds ago, she was daydreaming. That never happen to her. She was Rukia Kuchiki, the professional. She wasn´t daydreaming. Ever.

She finally pressed the knob down, looking at the keys hanging there carelessly, and shook her head. Someone left the door to the room of the most dangerous patient in the hospital unlocked. She thought that if she ever get to meet that person, she´s slap his or hers face. Damn careless.

"I´m coming in, now," she informed before stepping through the door. She was taught that it was always good to let the subject know of your every step. You never know, maybe it might have been someone who doesn´t like quiet people. And from what Rukia read, she figured out that Grimmjow would be probably sharing every little detail with her.

Rukia had never been in this part of asylum, and therefore she never get to see the rooms. When she finally stepped through the doorway, she was quite impressed; she was expecting a creepy bleached place with just one small bed and a broken toilet. But the room was actually quite spacious, the walls weren´t bleached, but colored light sky blue, and to Rukia´s biggest surprise, there was a big bed and a _closet_. An actual closet. She had never seen one in an asylum – any asylum. Asylums didn´t have them because of the security rules; you never know what freaks think about what is in the closet. She had heard of a case when one madman killed himself in a closet because he wanted to 'stay there' with his beloved wife who was ten years dead.

She found herself off her guard again and automatically turned her eyes to the bed where _he_ was laying with no interest in his face. She mapped his face and figure quickly, with an eye of an expert. Besides he had a well-built form, she could tell he was also very good at fighting. She desperately prayed he wouldn´t get mad with her.

"Nice room, isn´t it?" she said in a pleasant and kind voice, remembering his personal documents. _Likes to talk_. Though she wasn´t quite sure what shall she begin with. Room sounded decent. It was polite and good to start with. Then they could move to his monsters under the bed.

A pair of aquamarine blue eyes set on her. The strong looking man gave the small woman an uninterested look and made a 'Tch' sound.

So that was it? That was the talkative and nice Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez? Rukia sighed, thinking of how arrogant he actually was. She walked up to his bed and took a seat on the small white chair next to it. She comfortably put all of her things on the nightstand, leaving only a notebook laid in her lap. "My name is Rukia Kuchiki, Grimmjow, and I am your attending ps – doctor. It is a pleasure to meet you." She said with a sober smile on her lips.

"Can cut that shit," came a response in a dangerously low voice. The bluenette wasn´t looking at her, his deep blue eyes digging in the peach orange blanket.

Rukia blinked in surprise. He for sure was a violent one. And aggressive, at that point. She´d better put him in a place before he started to try things on her. Her giant amethyst eyes narrowed, never showing her actual feelings of nervousness. "Mr. Jaegerjaquez," she spoke his name very firmly, yet somehow with a respect and a promise of understanding him. "I believe you could quit those vulgarisms, don´t you think?"

He gave her a bored look. "No, miss Psychiatrist, I ain´t gonna quit anything… unless you actually make me submit." The last part of the sentence was a mere whisper, but Rukia caught it very clearly. He was being spicy and predatorily, almost seducing. His voice was unusual and peppery, one of those that makes woman melt through the floor even before she´s touched. Luckily, Rukia wasn´t that kind of girl.

"Believe me, Mr. Jaegerjaquez, I will make sure to… _be on a good terms with you_." She stated and shot him an almost deadly look. This was a battle for dominance, and like usual, she wasn´t about to lose.

A wicked grin spreading his features, he locked eyes with her. They didn´t stay in place for a long time. He had this terrible habit of stripping almost every attractive woman with his eyes the very first moment he saw them. His gaze roamed over her small body, enjoying that she was still so childish; not that he was pedophile. He just liked her that way. Even her small breasts seemed like a great aim for his hungry teeth that haven´t bitten something in quite a long time.

"Bullshit," he mumbled a silent reply, his eyes going back to hers. It felt kind of difficult; he was just monitoring her lower parts, her thighs covered with that annoying notebook, her thin and long legs crossed formally, and black high-heeled shoes making her even more professional-like. He imagined actually submitting to her, let her do anything to him.

_Fuck yeah_. 

Rukia frowned. This wouldn´t be as easy as she had previously thought. The man before her was no gentleman; his eyes was on her like she was some kind of bloody meat and he was a strong and fierce panther drooling at the sight of petite woman hardly above the law. Another sigh escaped her lips unconsciously; she was sighing so frequently that she even didn´t notice it anymore when she did.

"Do it often?"

Her eyes flew back to the aquamarine-eyed man. He caught off-guard again. This shouldn´t be happening. This was her second time during the few minutes she was here. She wasn´t supposed to be caught off-guard. Hell no. "What do you mean, Grimmjow?" she asked innocently, still trying to make friends with him – friends, or something like that. That, or more precisely, she wasn´t really sure what he was on about.

He grinned avidly. "The sighing. Since you got here you did it more than three times."

Was he actually counting it? Rukia made displeased face and looked straight into his eyes. "If you weren´t arguing this much, our work would be much easier, and therefore I wouldn´t be sighing." She said, clearly satisfied with the way she was holding herself back from swearing like a criminal.

"If you weren´t _unbearable_, I wouldn´t be resisting."

"Unbearable?" she repeated his words in shock, her eyes wide and her brow cocked, head slightly tilted to the right.

"Yup, that´s right, bitch,"

Rukia´s face went slightly red with impatience. "That´s enough, Grimmjow, behave yourself or I will have to force you into obedience."

His grin spread across his face, he chuckled loudly, tilting his head back. When he looked back at her, his eyes were somewhat darkened with something Rukia couldn´t actually label; maybe lust, but what was it he was lusting for? "Make me behave, Miss Psychiatrist, and you can do whatever you want to me. Even force me into obedience, or whatever shit you want." This came as a purr. Literally. Rukia felt like her bare arms got goose bumps, shivers running up and down her spine. Nope, this wasn´t good. At all.

Her hand automatically went into the pocket of her white doctor´s cloak, searching for a stun gun - only to find out that she had left it in her office._ Dammit_! Pissed off, she think of where exactly she had left it; when she was leaving and collecting all her stuff, she put it down of the table for a moment to put everything needed into her bag – and there it stayed. She almost blushed from embarrassment.

The last thing she could think up were the handcuffs at the sides of bed; one at left side for the left hand, and one at right side for the right hand. There were also ankle cuffs, but she just couldn´t imagine herself, pulling the blanket off of Grimmjow. Curiously, she looked his way. He was grinning like he had just won one million yen prize. She looked back at the handcuffs, silently warning him.

He realized what she was suggesting and _cooed_. He was obviously absolutely pleased with the doctor he got. "_Yes_," he nearly moaned, ecstasy clearly hearable in his voice. His hand slowly wandered to his abdomen, fingers stretching closer to his crotch. Rukia did her best and didn´t look. "Tie me up, Miss Psychiatrist," came the almost-command and Rukia couldn´t help but actually blush. He made a small 'mmhm' noise and her face reddened even more.

"If you don´t behave, I will have to," she grunted with a frown, trying to keep her professional face on. Though it was incredibly hard with him.

His hand slipped under the thin blanket covering his lower part of body, which was, by the way, at same level as the hem of his white boxers. Rukia caught herself thinking of the color; and then mentally gave herself a good punch for thinking like this. Of course he had to have some sweatpants, or at least, pajama pants. Something. She just hoped that he wasn´t running around half naked.

Rukia was still looking into his eyes, ignoring the hand brushing against his groin under the blanket. "So, Grimmjow," she went back to the work, "how about you tell me something about yourself? It would be much better if I knew you, at least a little bit. It may help me with finding a suitable treatment and medicine for you," she explained, praying he´d stop moving his hand in his pants.

"_Nnh_, well, Miss Psychiatrist, now we´re getting to the good stuff," she wasn´t quite sure what he was talking about; her request, or what he was doing to himself? Never mind, only if it´s over already. "Wanna hear my story, then?" he asked, never stopping to play with himself through his pants.

"I´d like to, yes," she said soberly, "though before you start, I´d really appreciate if you put your hands back on the blanket so I can see them."

Another wide grin. Even wider. Grimmjow pulled his hand out of his pants, putting them onto the blanket; but still at the same place where they were under the blanket. "You´re a naughty one, Miss, ain´t ya," he groaned pleasurably, running his fingertips across the bulge growing in his groin. He made himself more comfortable, one arm under his head, and he lay more into the bed. He was obviously trying to give her a better view. "Like watchin' a man, heh?" he mumbled and bit his lower lip almost gently.

Rukia felt her face will burn up. She was literally on fire. What the heck was he thinking? "Grimmjow, I suggest you stop this right now, or I´m going to get the guards." She warned him, voice hard and unforgiving.

"Group sex fan, this is gettin' interesting," he purred, voice getting heavy. He added more pressure into his light caresses, turning them into firm strokes.

"Grimmjow."

"_Yeah…_"

"Grimmjow, I want you to stop _right now_!" the petite woman commanded. "You know what, lets talk about your life – or, if you want, I can talk about mine. Maybe there´s something we have in common –"

"The only thing we have in common is the true nature in us, Miss," he purred, stopping for a moment to sit up while talking to her.

Rukia pressed back the urge to sigh again in relief. "Oh well," she murmured, "so, where would you like to start? Your childhood? Your teenage years? Or maybe you would like to talk about your hobbies or some interesting things about yourself? Or the things you like and don´t like?" Rukia was very proud of herself that she was able to put him to work with her.

His hand went back to the place it left just few seconds ago. "I like blueberries," he muttered under his still-heavy breath, "and rain," he added, not very talkative as his personal documents said. Rukia frowned again, waiting for a moment if he´d start to talk again. And then he did. "You kinda remind me of it," he said, sweetly torturing himself. Rukia thought that if he wouldn´t do it now, he´d for sure finish up when she left.

"Which?" she asked. "Blueberries or rain?"

"Both," he smirked, running his fingers up and down his abs. Well, for a change he wasn´t jerking off in front of her.

"Is that so?" she asked, shooting a glance to his abdomen where his hand was making small circles. "How´s that?"

"_Mmh_, well," he couldn´t help but get back to his little bulge down there – he just couldn´t get enough if the small woman blushing like this, desperately trying to make him stop and cover her excitement. He could feel her getting impatient to see more. "You´re so fierce and yet so soothing, Miss," he mumbled, "that´s the rain. And when I breath, I can smell your taste; you taste of blueberries."

"How can you _smell_ how I _taste_?" actually, now he was making her really uneasy. Though he was still pretending to be very firm and, as usually, professional.

"Simply, Miss," he cooed and tilted his head back a little when he gave himself a squeeze.

"Really?" she found herself getting more and more nervous. She knew she had to distract him somehow, or otherwise he´d continue, and eventually lead this to the very end.

"_Yeah… oh fuck, yeah…!_"

"Oookay," Rukia nearly exclaimed, nervous as hell, "how about now you tell me what do you like to eat? Hm? I like Miso soup."

"Blueberries," he groaned and squeezed more. His fingers were digging into the blanket and the blue-haired man closed his eyes heavy with pleasure. That was the first time she actually allowed herself to look; though she, of course, had no interest in taking a look. This was just… well, a little research. It was _medicinal_. She was a doctor, after all. She had every right to look.

The first thing she did after her eyes settled on his hand was a little squint. She felt like a little animal hunted by a big big predator. His hand was constantly working on him through the blanket. "Okay. How about the things you do in your… ehm… free time? Anything special? Do you draw? I personally adore archeology – as a little girl I always had been around old places with my parents. It was always interesting for me to see how the old civilizations were living, and how impressive their life must have been." She was maybe rambling, but it was the least she could do.

"_Ahh…_" Rukia was still staring at his hand that was by now rubbing the sensitive place. "Miss, you have to let me… ngh… go down into my pants…" the bluenette panted, sweat breaking on his temples. He opened his lustful eyes glowing with joy, looking at the doctor. He saw her looking up from his hand and grinned. "Enjoying the show, ain´t ya?" came the next purr. "I can give you way more, Miss." A very simple offer was made as his hand played sinfully with the hem of the white fabric – probably his underwear.

"Stop right there, Grimmjow. Not even an inch lower."

He chuckled, stopping all his actions. He leaned closer to the place where she was sitting on the white chair. "Of course, Miss, I haven´t think about it _that_ way. You may now finish the job, if you please," he leaned back and was just about to pull the blanket down.

"Don´t –!" Rukia nearly yelled in complete frustration. "Grimmjow," she tried for the very last time, "I don´t want to screw up things with this case, you know, I really don´t. You´re my first and very own patient, so I´d like to do everything to help you – and that just wouldn´t be possible if you act this way." She somewhat poured her heart out in front of him, explaining how important this was to her – only to make it even worse.

A smirk played across his slightly parted lips. "Is that so?" he purred in satisfaction. "Watch now, woman, or you´re gonna loose your patient," he growled, sliding the hand under his clothing.

"Excuse me? Grimmjow, it is not your place to command me like this – and stop that already! I am not going to loose my case –"

"Now, now, Miss, calm down," she was damn sure he was absolutely enjoying this stupidity. "I don´t want to cause any problems. But like you said, you care about your shitty little case a lot. And if the patient isn´t _pleased_ with his doctor, he may get another one. Don´t you know the rules?"

Rukia looked away in frustration. This was so unfair. He was manipulating her. Her god damn patient was manipulating her. It was supposed to be her who was manipulating him, for Christ´s sake! "Grimmjow, I ask you for the last time, stop this so we don´t have to work together in an awkward silence. I really want to help you and solve your case. Please."

"And for the last time, Miss, I´m rejecting your request. Watch, join or get yourself fired."

Rukia could feel tears burning in her eyes. She turned her face away from him. _Dammit, dammit, dammit!_ "I choose to leave this room," she informed him, getting ready to leave her spot.

But before she could even stand up, his seducing voice was back. "That´s not in the options list, baby," he growled, "watch, touch or go look for a new job."

She felt her breath hitch in her throat. Her heart nearly stopped beating. So it was really going to be like he said. Like he commanded. She felt that she was no longer the one in charge. That damned man took the control. Rukia couldn´t believe how incredibly ridiculous the situation she was. This man, this madman, this insane serial killer who was running around Japan and brutally killing random people, actually made her play by his rules.

_Play by his rules_…

If she could figure him out, she could possibly get back her position as the dominant one. But now it just seemed like it was too late for some figuring.

"Oh, _oh, oh_! Mmmmh, yeah, this is fucking heaven… should try this too, Miss… fucking leaves you all dizzy and carefree… Aaah…"

Rukia hardly held tears from falling down her cheeks in rivers of despair. Her eyes were on his groin, hopefully still covered by the blanket. It was making a big tent, really big one, and she couldn´t help but think of his actual size. While she was blushing madly at being forced to watch this, Grimmjow´s face was one big insane grin. His hand was sliding up and down his shaft, occasionally squeezing when coming down to the base, occasionally pressing a finger against the swollen tip. When he did, he moaned loudly. His voice filled the room to the limits, pants and heavy breaths and moans making the girl on the chair even more frustrated. Which was turning him on even more.

"Watch, woman," he growled when her eyes slid away from him. "Watch closely, ´cause it´s the best you can ever get from a man. And you know what?" his strokes and pants got rougher. "I´m gonna give you even more if I see such a desire in your eyes once more. Yeah, that´s right. If you´re still little kinky bitch you´re gonna have this every fuckin' day. _Ah, yeah!_"

Her eyes were filled with tears, the salty liquid gathering in the corners of her eyes. She settled her sights on his hand that was by now pumping up and down rapidly. The noises the blue-haired man was making were like shrieks piercing her ears to her, and with every next moan she jumped up slightly, cursing herself for the wetness spilling into her panties.

"Mmmhm, yes, ah yes… aaah…" his free hand went up to stroke his muscular chest, rolling the t-shirt he was wearing up. It gave Rukia a decent view on his _perfect_ figure, though she wasn´t really pleased with herself she was thinking of him as of a perfect. He was a rapist. A goddamn rapist. "Aaah, Rukia… yesss… I can´t… uuuh, wait for the.. ah! Day you do this for – mmm – me… Ohh… Fuckin amazing… Ah…" suddenly, he opened his eyes, biting his lower lip until he broke the soft skin and drowned blood. He pleasurably licked away the bright red liquid and tilted his head back, but never looked away from her. "_Fuck,_" he swore loudly, "now say my name, woman. And keep fuckin saying it till I´m done here,"

The petite woman blinked several times, surprised by his weird command. Her lips parted slightly. "G-Grimm…jow…" came out in shuddering voice.

"_Yes!_ Just like that, woman, just like fuckin that. Just like you fuckin fear what´s gonna come next – _ahh_,"

"Grimmjow…" another slow murmur was spoken, Rukia nearly crying. This wasn´t how she planned. This was nothing like she planned. "Grimmjow…"

"Ah – a – ah! Fuck – I´m gonna – AH FUCKING GOD YESSSS!"

Rukia didn´t wait for anything. The last moment of this ridiculous situation when Grimmjow with a powerful shudder squeezed all of that thick milky liquid out of his dick, her hands automatically grabbed her things from the nightstand, she jumped up, not failing to notice the wet fabric covering his crotch, and rushed out of the room. She only stopped to lock it up. And as she was rushing through the corridor to the elevator, she could hear him laughing.

She pressed the red bottom and nervously waited for the 'ding' sound.

"Fuck," she cursed under her breath, slamming her fist against the wall. "Fuck!" she cried out and tried to hold back the tears she had been holding back the whole time. "Fuck it all!"

When the elevator came to her floor, she was already crying peacefully. No yelling, no cursing, no punching. She calmed down, and now it was just the annoying time for cry. She stepped in and with no expression in her face pressed the bottom with the number of the floor where were garages. She let out a small shuddering exhale of breath.

Turning to face her reflection in the mirror, she wiped her face at least a little bit. She thought of what had just happened, failing to find anything else than damned shame in it. She put her hand onto the cool glass and pressed her forehead against it. It was nice and cool, exactly what she needed. Some tears fell down and she quickly wiped them away.

"You have some real bad luck, Rukia," she noted dryly at her own reflection, "getting worked up like this – or, more likely, letting a goddamn patient to do this to you… What would boss say, hm? He´d probably kick you out very quickly. So you better keep quiet about his little incident. And, wait, what would your professors say? The amazing student Rukia Kuchiki was forced by a freak to watch him masturbate – great job, Rukia, continue like this and you´ll end up getting screwed by that bastard!" she gave a frustrated little shriek just when the elevator suddenly stopped.

Rukia wouldn´t start to panic if there would be some 'ding'. But it just… stopped. Without an explanation. Just stopped.

She nervously pressed the bottom again, looked around desperately –

And then the lights turned off.

_The sky was raging that night. I was sitting in the corner of our little garden with my favorite teddy bear, holding it as close to my body as possible. Where was mom and dad? Where was Byaku-Nii? Where was everyone? The storm got pretty bad since they left for grocery shopping, and I was scared on my own. And I guess that staying out wasn´t helping much._

_Just when I was about to start crying again I heard a voice._

"_Rukia! Are you nuts or something! Get inside!"_

_It was coming from the front garden, from the small hedge we had there. I stood up. "Is that you?" I called out, hearing cry in my voice. I didn´t want to cry. Cry was making me weak._

_A slapping noises came closer, but I couldn´t see my savior. All that happened was his arms on me, clenching around my shoulders. His still childish chest was against my back as he led me to the house. There I started coughing. He grabbed a towel and dried my hair and body._

"_Can you the heck tell me what were you doing out there?" he barked. "Are you insane? What if lightening hit you? That stupid teddy isn´t going to save you, Rukia." He wrapped his arms protectively around me, letting me rest my head against his shoulder. He caressed by back until I stopped sobbing. "You better now?" he asked then._

"… _yeah, I guess. Sorry." I really felt sorry for causing him so much trouble. I hated being saved; always. I wasn´t weak._

"_That´s okay," he mumbled, letting go of me. I was kind of sad that the embrace ended, but didn´t want to annoy him anymore. "I´m the one who will always be there for you, not that stupid toy."_

"_Hey!" I shouted, squeezing by soaking-wet teddy. "This is Mr. Cuddle Monster!" I defended._

"_Mr. Cuddle Monster? I haven´t heard stupider name," he grunted in annoyance, as usual when I started girly things around him._

"_Pff!" I made and turned around, walking into the kitchen. He followed me automatically. I put Mr. Cuddle Monster on the table and grabbed some chocolates, putting it in front of him. "Help yourself," I noted and added a smile. I smiled even wider when I saw a blush creep across his cheeks._

"_Thanks," he mumbled and popped a piece of candy into his mouth._

"_Mm-m."_

"_Oi, Rukia," he said shortly after few more candies disappeared in his mouth, "how about we go upstairs and get you some dry clothes? So you don´t catch a cold or something."_

"_Sure! Wait, why don´t you want me to catch a cold?" I stopped in surprise – was he really being nice to me?_

"_Of course I don´t want you to catch a cold… we wouldn´t be able to stay together…"_

Rukia screamed when the elevator dropped like a floor down. She grabbed the nearest thing she saw and hold on tightly, like her life depended on it.

"_We wouldn´t be able to stay together…_"

The elevator stopped as quickly as it started to move, bumping Rukia onto her butt. She started to cough and stayed curled up into a ball in the corner of the elevator. Her arms were wrapped around her legs, her head hidden in between her knees. Her body was shaking uncontrollably in fear – she hated small rooms from which she couldn´t escape. She had no problem with her office, there was a window and the feeling of safety, but here – her life was in the hands of (probably) technical courses.

Tears started to run down her face again, the second time in this stupid evening. For the first time since she was still a teen, her lips started to whisper a pray.

"_Together…_"

"HELP!"

Rukia´s small hands balled into fists and started hitting the door. She was desperate. She felt so helpless, so small, so _trapped_. Like even the last light has abandoned her small iron world, leaving her in the dark of the broken elevator. Rukia was uselessly trying to remember when was the last time she had been so scared. There was maybe even a chance of her hair turning white from the incredible fear.

At last, her desperate cries and screams for help stopped. Her hands went back to her knees and she curled into a small ball again. Tears running down her cheeks, she was thinking of her family, friends and co-workers. Not that there was much of them; any of them. Her only family was her older brother Byakuya and creepy uncle Urahara. Her friends… well, that was complicated; since she went for studies, her personal and social life disappeared magically, and all that was left was work and school. And co-workers… oh well, the next day she was supposed to have a date with doctor Kurosaki…

But suspecting she was going to die here –

_Get a hold of yourself, Rukia! This is not you! You don´t panic! You don´t cry! _

"Miss Kuchiki! Miss Kuchiki, hang in there! The help´s coming!"

A familiar voice slashed the darkness in her mind. Rukia slowly opened her wet and aching eyes, seeing nothing but perfect blackness. She must have been hearing things. There was no way something would actually happen. Miracles do not exist. And so does not the God. If he actually was there, she wouldn´t be facing all of this.

Fucking worst evening of her entire life.

"Miss Kuchiki, answer me! Talk to me so we know you´re okay! Miss Kuchiki!"

This time Rukia left her eyes closed. No. She lost her hope long time ago.

But suddenly, there was a sharp pain in her eyes; the lights turned on again. She rubbed the burning feeling in her eyes off and slowly sat up, kneeling down so she was sitting on her legs. She started to wipe away the tears, feeling a weird pressure at the elevator door; they were trying to open them. The promised help actually came for her.

Rukia couldn´t help but give a weak smile. Her eyes were still wide in shock, but when the door finally opened a little bit, and she saw the freaked out and nervous face of her boss, she felt herself relax a little. She felt safety surround her. The elevator was half-caught between first and second floor. There must have been electrics breakdown or something while she was going down from the third floor where Sector C was.

"Miss Kuchiki!" the tall orange-haired man screamed into the elevator cabin and stretched out a hand for her to grasp. "Miss Kuchiki, take my hand! I will help you out!" he shouted and shook his hand, trying to get her attention. The truth was, Rukia felt incredibly light-headed. She haven´t felt so carefree since she graduated at the university.

Her hand shakily reached out for his, waiting for his fingers to wrap around her wrist to pull her up. She was so weak in that moment she couldn´t even think of getting out on her own. "Boss," she whispered as his hand grabbed hers, pulling her out of the elevator. She unsteadily put a knee on the floor and let herself sink into the arms of her superior.

Doctor Kurosaki sighed in shuddering voice, pulling the petite woman´s body into tight embrace. He wrapped his arms around her small form, hands protectively stroking her back until she finally stopped trembling in his arms. Rukia allowed herself to relax in the warmness of the man´s touch, her head disappearing in his silk shirt. She even didn´t realize she was still crying. Tears were unconsciously sliding down her cheeks, wetting the fabric under her face. She stayed in Mr. Kurosaki´s arms until she noticed everyone else went away, as he shoved them off, saying they were dismissed.

His fingers were drawing small circles on the small of her back, the man actually letting her bury her nose into the crook of his neck. "Sssh," he whispered into her raven hair, never stopping to caress her back, his one hand coming from her back to her hair to play gently with the ebony-colored soft locks. "You´re okay now, Miss Kuchiki. It was just a technical error. Everything´s fine now. No need to worry. I´m here with you." His mumbles slowly comforted her until her eyes closed again and the woman finally calmed down.

She curled up into his chest. "Thanks." It was a mere whisper he could barely catch, but it still reached his ears.

"Of course," he mumbled back and somehow managed to get her back to her feet, his arms wrapped around her waist so he could at least support her. He never thought of her as of one of those girls who liked being carried around bride-style, though he´d prefer that in the moment Her small figure seemed to be even weaker than usual; not actually weak, but unimaginably fragile. She was like a porcelain doll in his eyes. Not that he was planning to tell her.

They walked down the hallways until their steps reached Rukia´s office. There she left the keys to her new patient´s room and they went down to the garages. Doctor Kurosaki offered to drive her back home; she refused. He put her into his car and said he´d take her back the next day when they were planning to hook up. She didn´t quite agree, but at least she didn´t protest.

"Would you like me to stay with you for the night, Miss Kuchiki?" he asked politely when they were standing by the door to her house.

Rukia blushed little. Of course it was meant to be a polite offer, not a dirty one, but it just sounded so nice of him. Her name sliding off of his lips, ah, she could just imagine the blueberries´ taste on his tongue while he was speaking her name out loud… Wait, did she just thought that he was able to taste the blueberries while saying her name?

The taller man came closer. Rukia tilted her head back a little, realizing how small she was compared to him. Her heels weren´t working at all. As long as it was Mr. Kurosaki, she´d be always smaller. His hand somehow happened to caress her cheek, his fingers gently brushing against the soft flesh. "Miss Kuchiki, I really think I should help you… at least just a little bit…" he mumbled, leaning closer until she felt his warm breath tickle her neck.

Should she invite him in? After all she had experienced, the damn worst evening of her life, when she had done the biggest mistake of her whole carrier, when she lost to her patient and let him manipulate her, after going through the worst few minutes of her life in the elevator, and after being saved by her boss… maybe if she invited him in just for a coffee, it wouldn´t be that bad. And if it accidentally happened to be more, she wouldn´t mind, too.

"Okay," she smiled. "Lets go in. I´ll make a coffee."

She just opened the door, entering the hall, but suddenly, her back crushed against the wall almost painfully. She gasped in shock, but before she could react and defend herself, the intruder forced his warm and wet lips onto hers. Rukia´s eyes couldn´t get any wider, she was sure about that. Her small hands grasped Kurosaki´s broad shoulders, trying to push him off at first. But when his lips softened and his kisses became more gentle, she relaxed and let him lift her up. He was standing between her legs hanging in the air, his hands supporting her weight, palms holding her ass cheeks. She automatically wrapped her legs around him and she smiled into the kiss when he moaned into her mouth.

His tongue passed by her lips, playing with hers until she let him do whatever he wanted. His hands were exploring her mile-long legs, the orange-haired man never stopping to wrestle with her eager tongue – really, since when she had became so violent? But oh, how long he had wanted to kiss her like this…

But then the lights slashed the darkness in the room.

"I believe you should leave right now, Mr. Kurosaki, or I´m calling the police immediately."

**xOxOxOxOxOx**

A tiny sparkle in chocolate brown eye.

"That was you, wasn´t it?"

A deep throaty chuckle. "Obviously."

"Imbecile. What if something happened? Don´t you care about anything we had sacrificed to this?"

"Keh, bullshit. I don´t fuckin care what you say. It worked out just fine."

**xOxOxOxOxOx**

**AN: Okay, here´s a little explanation; … or no xD you have to read it ´cause I´m a bad girl and I ain´t gonna tell you. Muhehehe! Just maybe… don´t worry; I know exactly where this story is going – so don´t be afraid I´m writing nonsense. Maybe I´ll give a little hint; Rukia had lost a part of her memory… yeah… poor kid… and that´s all that´s to it!**

**See ya and thanks for all those amazing and cheerful reviews! They really do make me happy! Thanks guys – and I swear I will do my best!**

**Next chapter is up – the epic date of Rukia and Ichigo – and maybe, just maybe, a lemon! Well, we´ll see ;) **


	3. The date

**3****rd**** chapter**

**First off, sorry for the possible mistakes. I´m just too tired to fix anything.**

**Then, thank you so much for the wonderful reviews! They make me so happy! I´m trying to PM to everyone, but seriously, FFN sometimes do magic to my computer. But… to all of you – ARIGATO!**

**~Enjoy =)**

Byakuya was out for a walk in the morning. Rukia was sleeping till 11. Being the Kuchiki siblings they were, so stubborn and demanding, none of them would say sorry. Rukia thought he over reacted; she was an adult, mature woman, after all. She had every right to be making out with her boss. Okay, when you don´t think of the fact that it was her boss. But even if it was the president, or anybody else – she was responsible for herself and her mistakes, so she could have happily drag him into her room and… continue what they had started. And Byakuya, on the other hand, thought he was the big brother here, supposed to boss his little sister around, supposed to protect her from everything and everyone; she was, after all, his little Rukia, more of a daughter to him than a sister. And it was making him feel very uneasy that she was having someone´s tongue stuck half way to the stomach. And what was the worst, she thought it was okay. That was the greatest big brother failure ever.

But Rukia was going to go on the date with boss, anyway. Although Byakuya said he wasn´t letting her. Although they were fighting for hours, almost all night. Although she had to throw the phone away to the forest around the house to make sure he won´t call the police. Although he swore he´d take Kurosaki down, if he needed to. She decided for herself this time. And she was going to do it even if Byakuya was running around their house naked and singing apologies to her.

That was just the kind of person she was. Stubborn.

Rukia was wondering what she should wear, and then started to panic about what time it is, but just when she was about to have a nervous breakdown, her cell phone ringed. It was doctor Kurosaki, asking if she was up yet. Then he asked if 4pm was okay with her, and if she wanted him to pick her up. Rukia found herself wondering for a moment; Byakuya would definitely be bitchy around her for few weeks, but she was doing this, anyway. She told him to stop by at 4:30. He said he was looking forward to it.

"My day off," Rukia stated aloud, looking at her reflection in the mirror. She was already dressed, not for the date, but…

She frowned.

"Sure, Kuchiki. Get a day off after a million of hours spend working like a maniac, and then, when you do get one, go back there. ´Cause you´re a fucking idiot." She commented dryly and pulled a dark purple coat on.

A twenty minutes on, she was parking the car in front of the hospital. She had her usual critical face on, a little frown her friends and family always found hilarious. Rukia frowned a little bit more when she saw the lights in her office turned off. Orihime was supposed to be working. It was Rukia who should have been somewhere else. It as her day off, not Orihime´s.

The small noises of her flats on the floor were cutting through the perfect silence of the hospital. Rukia had to think about this; it might have been Friday, but this was an asylum. Full of… people chasing butterflies. It shouldn´t be this silent. She shook her head dismissively. She was getting paranoid. Now was the time for the usual morning ward around, so it was only natural for the hospital to be silent. All the patients were in their rooms and the doctors were checking them, so… it was okay that there were no noises.

Rukia sighed and looked at the lift suspiciously.

_Okay, kid. It´s just a bad memory of the worst evening of your life. Just go with it. It´s only a lift._

The petite woman pushed the button and kind of nervously waited for the 'DING'. The seconds felt like hours. She just couldn´t help herself but think of what she´d do if the lift did that to her again. Doctor Kurosaki had a day off, too, so there was practically no one who would alternatively save her. Rukia mentally kicked herself and shook her head again. No pessimistic thoughts. She was having a date today, after all. The karma simply couldn´t be so cruel to her.

When the lift arrived, Rukia bravely stepped inside and pushed her bottom; 2. She desperately needed to see the file with case 19. And the internet. She was planning to check the dates of Grimmjow´s arrest and the date from the photo where he had been grinning so crazily. It just wouldn´t leave her mind; was he actually planning on getting arrested? Thinking of it now, she should get the copy of the files from the court that was discussing Grimmjow and his actions. Lawyers weren´t psychiatrists, but they had the facts Rukia might have need.

Automatically, she fixed her make up and critically eyed herself in the mirror. Maybe she should have put a shirt on, instead of lazy black sweater. Well, she wasn´t planning on staying here, anyways, she´ll have to go and get changed for the date, so it was fine. It´s not like she was going to see any patients. Just checking files, is all. Maybe some calls to do. She should call the officer and ask him to give her some information. Maybe somebody´s phone number, somebody´s who had better success to the court. But that could wait.

Rukia sighed in satisfaction when the lift stopped with nice and reassuring 'DING'. It was wonderful sound to hear. No deadly silence. No creepy light turning on and off by itself. Yeah. That was the technique equipment she knew and loved. The door opened and Rukia walked out of the lift with a slight smile. Little did she know…

"Oh, hi, RukiRuki,"

_I wonder why I´m always alone in my dreams. Or, why the dream starts like this; I´m always alone, always somewhere out of civilization, always scared and usually the rain is pouring down, soaking me wet. I wonder why my dreams are always so sad. _

_But, then, they turn out to be actually much better than they seem to be. Because he always comes._

_Not that I have a single idea why. Not that I have a clue from where. Not that I know how. Not that I even know him. But I don´t care. Because no matter how bad the dream is, he never leaves me alone. He´d always come. He´d always save me. Of course, later he´d complain about having to do it, but in the bottom of my heart, I´m sure he´s actually asking if I´m sure that I´m okay. Every little mocking phrase is just another question about my health. Every spicy glare is just another soft smile that is supposed to make me feel home and safe._

_That´s just the kind of friend he is. Whoever he is._

_Anyways, why I don´t know such an important person?_

_It was raining again. He was calling my name. I was standing in front of our house on the suburb, but I couldn´t see where he was. I was afraid; his voice was not like usual. It was nervous, nearly hysteric. The way he was crying out my name was making my blood freeze. _

"_Where are you?" I yelled into the raging skies and tried to spot something; no use. The rain was just too heavy._

"_Rukia!"_

"_Where are you?"_

_Before I could see him, there was a trail of bright red blood mixing with the rain spilled all over the ground._

Rukia´s eyes shot open, and she was shocked by realizing that she even didn´t know when did she close them. And what was even worse, she caught herself somewhere else again. Seriously, this was getting really bad. And right then, she noticed something else; the stupid nickname… someone said it again. Her eyes snapped automatically to the place where she heard it from.

"Grimmjow?" she started to panic. What the hell – what was he – and _why_ was he – "What the – why are you on the second floor? Did any of the doctors told you you´re being moved here –"

"I´m not in the second floor," the said blue-haired man grinned wickedly. "You´re the one who´s on my floor." He suggested and pointed at the big sign with gothic number three on it.

Rukia stared in disbelieve. Was this even possible? She was absolutely sure she pushed the bottom 2 in the lift. There was no logical reason for her to appear at the third floor. Even if Grimmjow was pushing the bottom all day, the lift would stop in the second floor first. And what was he doing in the corridor, anyways?

"Is some doctor anywhere near?" Rukia asked, voice dangerously low. "What are you doing out of your room, Grimmjow?" Why in the hell her stun gun is never there when she needs it the most?

"Nothin' much, I´d say. Just wondering around, y' know." He was so carefree it was pissing her off.

"Yes, Grimmjow, I get that, there really is nothing much to do in asylum, but _why_ are you out of your room? Or, more importantly, who let you out of your room?" she was getting really impatient, maybe even nervous.

"Well," the bluenette purred sensually, like a big cat would do. "There´s this really sweet nurse, and she forgot her keys in the lock. Y' know, big tits, stupid goofy grin…" Rukia could nearly touch the sarcasm in his voice. That kind of made her smile to herself. But then she jumped into the reality again and nearly got a heart attack.

"Inoue…" she nearly growled, "forgot… her… goddamn… keys?" she just couldn´t believe it. If she didn´t get here in time, Grimmjow could have escaped! He´d just use the lift, get to the first floor of the garages, and he´d be _fucking_ free! No. This couldn´t be happening. How was she supposed to get him back to his room? Oh, bloody hell, if she didn´t make it in time here…

Wait. In time?

"Grimmjow…?" Rukia´s voice was kind of shaky. She had a certain question, and she was fearing the answer. "I wonder… how long has it been since Miss Inoue left your room?"

Grimmjow had an innocent and sweet smile on his handsome face. "Three hours ago, Miss Psychiatrist," he said calmly.

The petite woman nodded slowly. _Just don´t let him see you´re shocked and shaken and fucking frightened. You must not let him know_. Rukia took a deep calming breath. "Very well. I just hope I won´t find her anywhere crying and broken." She mumbled, more like to herself than to him. She didn´t expect Orihime to stand something she herself had to stand yesterday night, when she first met Grimmjow.

The man just smirked. He heard her, and he knew very well what she was talking about. He took three steps closer to the doctor before him, until she was just few inches away from his heated and muscular body. With the sinister smirk playing across his lips, he almost gently touched her elbow. "Don´t worry, RukiRuki. I don´t want to run away from you," he whispered so quietly it was only her who could heard it. Not like there was anybody else at the third floor.

The woman´s arm automatically jerked away and she took few steps backwards, getting into a safe distance from the serial killer. "Very nice of you, Grimmjow," she barked, "very nice. So now I figured out; you actually did want to get caught, didn´t you? When you were grinning into the cam at the mall. You wanted everyone to know where you are."

A laughter filled the corridors. A very creepy, maybe even dangerous laughter, of the killer she was standing against. "Clap – clap – clap," Grimmjow said and took another three steps towards the petite doctor. "I´m really impressed, Miss Kuchiki. What a wonderful job. But how about we continue this conversation in… my room, hm?"

Rukia pressed the sudden urge to slap him aside and shook her head fiercely. "Not necessary," she hissed angrily, "I don´t have the time. I came here only to check your file, but having you tell me everything, I don´t need to do it anymore. But you for sure are going back to your room, and I´m for sure locking you up. I don´t care why you didn´t try to run away; not right now. But I swear by the Lord… I will solve your case, and you will pay for what you´ve done."

Something in Grimmjow´s face changed. His eyes darkened and his features went somewhat angry. "I like it when you´re so wild, Miss. But you´re not the one to order me around. At least not if you don´t actually gain my respect for you. Not if you don´t make me surrender." Suddenly, his hand found it´s way to Rukia´s tiny swan-like neck, his calloused fingers wrapping around it. Not too hard to make her choke, but hard enough to make her squint in fear. She found herself pressed against the wall, with Grimmjow´s leg in between her thighs. "You haven´t made me surrender just yet, RukiRuki."

She grasped his wrists to get more air. "Why… the heck are you… calling me… that?" she gasped with blurry vision. She dig her nail into his skin, but that didn´t make him move a single inch.

"Because you like it," he purred and leaned in, his lips way too close to her ear. His breath was tickling the skin right below her ear. "Yeah, you like it so much," he commented, and Rukia wasn´t sure anymore what they´re talking about. This was so incredibly ridiculous.

Eventually, he let go of her. Rukia fell to her knees and quickly stood up, still somehow weak from not having enough air. "Wait, Grimmjow –"

A keys flew her way. She caught it with a slightly confused and a bit shocked face. "Lock me up and do whatever shits you wanna. And come back when yer fucking ready." It was a simple command. Rukia felt a strong desire to utter something spicy and witty, but it would have no effect on him. This whole case sucked. He sucked. The weather sucked. Why is it raining all the time?

He disappeared in his room, slamming the door behind him. He left her there, just… staring at the empty space. Rukia´s vision got blurry and all she could think of was how will she deal with this villain. Blood was rushing through her veins, making crazy pounding noises in her head. How could this happen to her?

She felt so numb. Maybe she was a living creature, but everything she was doing in that moment she was doing robotically. Her arms were frozen, like a blood in her body either disappeared or rotted. Her hands made automatic motion, locking up the door of Grimmjow´s room. If he pointed a gun her way, she´d probably do nothing.

Suddenly, her cell phone started to ring.

"Kuchiki Rukia," she said emotionlessly and instead of taking the lift, she went to the staircase.

"Hi, Miss Kuchiki, Ichigo here," the always-cheery voice of her boss announced.

"Oh," she smiled a little, "hi, Mr. Kurosaki," even though he was obviously hoping she´d start to call him by his first name, she was waiting for a better opportunity. After all, he was still calling her by her surname, so the date will give them a great chance to get closer to each other. Calling each other by their first names is a good start.

"I was wondering," the boss said, "if it would be a problem for you if I came to your place a little earlier? You know, I´d pick you up so we don´t have to go by two cars." Okay, they had already agreed to that, but never mind. Why would they go by two cars, anyway? Wasn´t it automatic for him to pick her up?

Okay, but this was kind of nice of him. "Yeah, sure. Just, maybe… we should be more careful about Byakuya."

"Haha, yeah… sure, I… will behave, Miss Kuchiki. See a you at three?"

"Ok."

xOxOxOxOxOx

Rukia was not the type of woman who would be all nervous and jumpy around men, not even incredibly sexy men. No. She was cool-headed, thoughtful, calm and businesslike in every situation. And so it was only natural for her to panic when she found herself running around the house like a freak only because she couldn´t remember where she left her favorite earrings. They were two little black starts. Byakuya gave them to her on her fifteenth birthday, when she was supposed to go on her first date with her childhood friend Renji. He said it was like a good-luck charm. Since then, she was always wearing them when she had a date.

They were in the bathroom. Rukia sighed in relief when she put them on. Much better. "Why does everything magically appear in the place where you´ve been looking for it the first, after ten minutes of searching on other places? Really, this is not normal." Rukia said that aloud, looking in the mirror. Nothing was wrong – she was wearing her earrings, her make-up was just fine, decent, yet sensual, her hair was ok… Should she leave it like that, down and little bit messy, or should she tie them into a bun? Or maybe a ponytail?

"No freaking out, Kuchiki," she commanded herself and took a deep breath. "You know how to date. You´ve been dating since fifteen… to twenty." She cleared her throat forcefully, silencing her whining. "But! You still know how to do it, right? You´re not a hopeless case. You can get as much dates as you please. You know how to get yourself a man. Ok. This will be fine."

She was _not_ freaking out.

Yes, she _was_.

But, on the other hand, at least she stopped thinking of work issues.

Hopefully, Byakuya was out for his usual afternoon walk. Rukia was happily waiting for the ring to full the empty house and announce Mr. Kurosaki´s arrival. She couldn´t think of the last time she was looking forward to something so much. It was her first date after two years pause, after all. She had the right to be a little nervous (she was NOT freaking out) about it. She had the right to be jumpy about every little noise from the outside. She had the right to be looking forward to it.

With butterflies in her stomach, Rukia put on her favorite pair of dark jeans (her dating jeans which she always wore for the first date) and a dark purple shirtwaist perfectly matching her eyes. Realizing it didn´t fit with the jeans, she stripped herself off of it and put on a white T-shirt with black cross on it. Hm. Should she try to look like a rocker? Few days before she saw some Korn CDs in Mr. Kurosaki´s office…

She decided to try it. She put on a nice fitting black blazer and a black belt with silver studs. The T-shirt ended up inserted in the jeans, just so she could show off the belt. Rukia looked at her reflection in the mirror and smiled. Yup, that´ll do. Even the earrings fitted with it. Now, just put her things from her usual brown satchel into the black purse…

Maybe she should look up something about Korn?

"Cut it out, girl," she told herself and frowned a little, "it´s just your boss, anyways. Maybe it´s only a little meeting to discuss the work…" she shook her head. No. It for sure is a date. And being all nervous only proves it. And she doesn´t have to look anything up – he doesn´t know what music she likes, anyway. This is the first date. It´s about getting to know each other. They don´t have to talk about Korn all the time.

Rukia looked at the watch on her wrist. Two twenty.

Then she rushed into her room and typed "Korn" on the YouTube.

"You´re not freaking out," she stated firmly and pressed "play". The song was called "Love Song", and it was not what she was expecting at all. But it was nice. Something different, she´d say. They weren´t bad, just… the style of their music was very unusual. Unlike the usual rock bands, they were original. And the lyrics were… really realistic. Full of metaphors, but realistic. Discreetly realistic.

She listened to few more songs and decided she liked Korn. And now she had another topic to discuss with Mr. Kurosaki. Even a topic she actually understood.

Yeah, she can do this.

Two forty-five. She was not freaking out.

She laid on her bed and stared at the ceiling. Really, what else are you supposed to do while waiting for your… boss…

Suddenly the doorbell started to ring. Rukia jumped up from the bed, her heart beating wildly, and rushing through the corridors and down the stairs, nearly killing herself, she stood before the door. She took a very deep breath, hold it in, and then exhaled. She can do this. Fixing her hair for the thousandth time, she shook her hear and opened the heavy wooden door.

She blinked several times. "Nanao!" she yelled in frustration, seeing her friend from university instead of Mr. Kurosaki.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Nanao laughed. "Do I really look that terrible?"

Rukia sighed. "No, you look wonderful as usual." She said and let the taller woman in. "I was just not expecting you to come, you know. I´m kind of… having date today. Actually, in fifteen."

Nanao´s eyes went wide. "YOU are having date?" she shrieked.

The petite woman scowled. "What´s wrong, can´t I? I´m not such a loner. I go on dates." She defended.

"Yeah, but once in two years," Nanao giggled and sat on the sofa, sending her bag flying towards the armchair.

"Ok, ok, I get it. But that was just a little pause." Rukia went into the kitchen, pouring her friend a cup of few-minutes-ago-made tea.

Nanao waited for Rukia to give her the cup, took a sip and then spoke up again. "So," she smiled, "who is he? Do you like him? Does he drive you crazy?"

Rukia shook her head. "It´s not like that. It´s our day off, so we´re just hanging out… Em, do you remember Ichigo Kurosaki?"

Nanao made a crazy grimace. "YOUR BOSS?" she yelled fiercely.

"Yeah…?"

"Are you kidding me, Rukia?" the black-haired surgeon shouted. "You´re going on a date with your BOSS? Are you crazy? What if something goes wrong? What if you two end up sleeping together? You can loose your goddamn job, do you know that, you idiot?" Nanao was always bossing her around. Always giving her lectures. And as much as Rukia hated fighting with one of her best friends, this was pissing her off.

"Oh, I´m not the one who´s dating my boss! For as much as I know, you´ve been sleeping around with Kyoraku since you graduated from the university!" That was the truth. Nanao hated talking about it, but the awesome neurosurgeon doctor Kyoraku had something to him… that was making Nanao unable to resist him.

"Yes, Rukia, but that´s different," Nanao said in a serious, businesslike tone, "I am living with Shunsui. Actually, I came here to… argh! You´re so terrible!"

"What?" Rukia looked at her. "Why? Why did you come?"

Nanao waved her hand, catching Rukia´s attention with the tiny golden ring. "We´re getting married, Rukia. I´m not his sleeping partner anymore, like you once have said. Soon I will be his wife." She frowned and laid back into the sofa. Taking a deep breath, she continued: "Look, I´m sorry for being all bitchy, but all I want is your happiness. You know very well how it was with me and Shunsui. It was fucking hard. Everyone hated me for being with him, and he nearly lost his job. But after all, we made it through and we can be together. All I´m saying is… you know, maybe it´s not always the best for you to take the most difficult way."

"What do you mean?" Rukia didn´t understand at all. Sometimes Nanao was just too poetical.

"I mean that maybe you should find someone… more suitable. Not that Ichigo is not suitable for you, just… be careful about it all. People may take it all wrong and cause you a big trouble. Just… be careful."

Rukia stood up and hugged Nanao. "I´m so sorry, Na. So sorry. I didn´t mean to yell at you." She let go of her friend and looked into her eyes. "And congratulations. I´m really happy for you two."

Nanao smiled too and gave Rukia a small punch. "Silly. You don´t have to be so nice. You were right, after all. I was kinda a bitch. But he got divorced and he´s marrying me, so it´s okay now. Just… promise me you´ll be my bridesmaid."

"I promise," Rukia wiped away the small tear forming in the corned of her eye. "And thanks for the advice. I appreciate it. Really. And I swear I´ll be careful."

"Good," her best friend said, "I´m glad you´re still taking my advices."

They both laughed, talking about Nanao´s ideas for the wedding, and after some time, the doorbell rang again. Rukia nearly got hear attack.

"Oh, Jesus fucking Christ!" she swore. "He´s here! Nanao, he´s here! What do I do, what do I do, what do I –"

"Rukia," Nanao chuckled, "you´re totally freaking out. You must really like him, now, don´t you? Ok, hun, just calm down and go get the door. I´m sure the date will be amazing. Nothing will go wrong. Just go and have fun, darling."

Rukia exhaled sharply. "Okay. I´m so happy you´re here, Na. Just… make yourself comfortable, and if Byakuya comes home, tell him I´ll be back soon and call me, okay? I´ll get right back."

"Sure, sure,"

"Okay," Rukia hugged her again and grabbed her things. "Wish me luck."

"You have your earrings, don´t you?" Nanao giggled. "You never go on date without them."

"Really funny. They really do make me lucky, you know." Rukia suddenly found herself standing in front of the door. "Okay, Nanao, I´m gonna do this."

"You don´t look like you are. You have to open the door."

"Okay, fine, I´m doing it right now," she mumbled and pressed the doorknob, opening the door. "Bye," she whispered to her friend and slipped out of the house.

Mr. Kurosaki was leaning against his car´s bonnet, one crimson rose in his hand. He was looking absolutely awesome. Rukia was happy with her clothes selection; she was looking pretty much like he did. He was wearing jeans and leather jacket, and a white T-shirt with some prints. And with the rose in his hand… ah, how much she envied Nanao…

"Miss Kuchiki, hi!" he waved and stood up properly. She approached him and nearly got another heart attack when he pecked her cheeks in an elegant greeting. Everything about his was so wonderful – even the smell… oh, Gods, the smell… he was smelling like everything she wanted in that moment.

Goddamn pheromones.

"Hi," she blushed a little and let him open the car door for her. She got in and watched him close the door again.

"So," he spoke up in seducing tone (or so it seemed to Rukia) as he got into the car himself, "how have you been on your day off? I noticed you have a visitor here. Hope I´m not stealing you or something."

"Oh, no, not at all. It´s just my university friend. She´s getting married so she came to invite me. I guess she´ll be staying over tonight, but that´s definitely okay. She´s used to being at my place on her own. Kind of like my sister." She explained quickly. She didn´t want this date to end way too early.

"Oh," Kurosaki smiled, "okay. I´m glad we don´t have to rush things."

The way he said those words made Rukia´s head spin. Really, who is this man? Some kind of mindbender? This is crazy. The way he´s making her feel. And he´s not even sitting that close. It´s just his smell, his mere being, and she´s going crazy. Nanao was right. This will end up in really badly. But… does she care? Nope! Now it´s just her, her light-headed mood, her boss and the date.

"Yeah, me too," she smiled softly. "So, where are we going?" she asked.

"Mm… I thought, a small lunch? I know a great place in the city. It´s called Mongolian BBQ. You okay with it?"

"Sure. Sounds lovely."

Minutes later, they were sitting in the restaurant, chewing on their delicious meals. Rukia brought up the Korn topic and enjoyed how impressed Mr. Kurosaki was. He said that not many girls know them, let alone like them. She was very pleased with herself at that point. Then they were talking about Linkin Park and other bands they liked, eventually ordering a bottle of wine. It was still just around four pm, but who cared? None of them, for sure. They were just getting into the mood.

Ichigo (he _finally_ told her to call him by his first name) was talking about his childhood in German, his grandfather and grandmother, his sisters and that they stayed there. When she asked about why he came here, he said it was a girl who brought him here. She kind of frowned in envy though she really didn´t want to. But she would envy every girl who had gotten deeper into his heart.

"How about you?" he asked then, sipping from his glass of white wine. "What´s your life story?"

Rukia laughed lightly. "You really want to hear that?" she asked in amusement.

"Yea, just spill it. I´m sure I can take it." He was smiling, too.

"Okay," Rukia said, brushing her hair to one side, revealing her elegant, swan-like neck. "Um… I don´t remember much of my childhood. We kind of… had a car accident when I was eleven. My brother Byakuya was eighteen back there. A law student. Our parents died in the accident and he started to take care of me. Studies, little kid, and everything… it was really hard for him, so I don´t blame him when he acts like he does, from time to time. He´s just too protective." She shook her head. "But from what I remember, it was raining all the time, really. I don´t mind rainy weather, but since I was kid, it was making me fear the storms. And also, I remember my friend Renji. You´d for sure like him. He´s… really funny. A nice guy. Actually, he was my first date. We didn´t get together, but we stayed friends."

Ichigo´s hand made it´s way to Rukia´s. He grasped it tightly. "I´m sorry about your family, Rukia," he said truthfully and smiled gently. "What else? What was then?" he asked.

"Well," she smiled too, enjoying that he didn´t let go of her hand, "Renji moved out. He´s in Great Britain now. A businessman. It´s kind of funny to think of that little idiot as of a manager or something."

"Yeah, I had a friend like that, too. Keigo. He was always a total pain in the ass and now he owns a big pharmaceutical factory." The waitress came to ask if they wanted anything else. Ichigo ordered another bottle of wine.

"Hey, Ichigo," Rukia said then, "I was wondering… you know, that friend who´s at my place now, she was dating her boss and kind of warned me… so… will everything be fine if we… continue this? I mean, in the work and so?"

Ichigo laughed, leaning closer, his hand wandering up her arm. His thumb was making small circled on her skin. "What do you mean, Miss Kuchiki, 'if we continue this', hm?" he had his cute devilish smirk on, purposely making Rukia´s knees go weak.

She blushed, but didn´t back away. Instead, she leaned in, too, until their nose were just inches away from each other. "I of course mean the dating, Mr. Kurosaki." She purred sweetly and provocatively licked her lips. He should definitely kiss her again. Just the memory of the last night was making her blood boil and send the sensation south.

"Of course," he muttered, pressing their foreheads together.

Rukia´s head was spinning again, her heart trying to beat through her chest. Her stomach was making flip-flops and she wanted to scream. He was so damn close… she could smell his sweet breath, smelling after the wine they were drinking. He was so close, but he was just provoking her, just like she was provoking him. He wouldn´t kiss her just yet. Not until she was whining with need. She was sure about this.

Oh, bloody hell, why didn´t she listen to Nanao!

Ichigo sat back, finally releasing her from his spell. Rukia started to breathe regularly again.

"So, Rukia," he spoke up again after taking a calming breath, "how is your very own case going? Everything´s fine? Is Grimmjow nice to you? At least a little bit?" he asked with concerned eyes.

Oh, fucking heaven, did he really have to bring this up? She really didn´t want to think of how her case was going. Let alone tell Ichigo. Hell no. She wasn´t telling him, or at least not before she made Grimmjow crawl in front of her, pleading or her forgiveness. "It´s fine, I guess," she smiled, her professional expression back. She decided not to tell him about her problems with the blue-haired demon.

"That´s wonderful," he smiled back. "I´m glad I choose you to do it. No one would be better for this case. They say it´s better for Jaegerjaquez to have a doctor who will put him in the line, but I think it´s better for him to have someone to talk to. And you´re good at talking. Or at least Nel says. She absolutely loves you. When you don´t come to see her, she always asks me if you´re alright. I guess she´d be the sweetest kid if one would not think of the schizophrenia."

"Yeah, hahah…" Rukia pictured Nel in her living room, drawing more creepy pictures for her. "She really is sweet." Although Nel was a schizophrenic, she still had the much needed sanity in her. If she wasn´t so sure about having older version of herself called Neliel, she wouldn´t have to be stationed in the asylum.

"You know," Ichigo said after a while, "if I ever got to the point where I would want kids, I would want a daughter like Nel. She just seems so mature."

This is what Rukia found interesting. Doctor Kurosaki´s thoughts about having kids. "Really? Nice thought," she said, "so you want a daughter? A baby girl you´d protect for the rest of he life? Scare away all the boys who´d try to get closer to her?" she laughed at the mental picture of Ichigo in gramps pants and with a revolver.

"Yeah, I guess. But every man wants a son, too." He responded and roamed his eyes over her body. "How about you? Ever thought of having kids?"

"Kind of," Rukia mumbled, taking a sip of her wine. "But not really. Maybe one day, when my carrier is build and I have enough money for the kid – or kids. I want a daughter, too, being the proud woman I am." They both laughed at this.

"We seem so similar," Ichigo whispered.

"Yeah, I guess."

"We´ll pay," Ichigo told the waitress and pulled out his wallet in the same second as Rukia did. He laid hand on hers. "I got it, don´t worry."

She smiled and nodded. "Okay. If you say so."

After two hours in the restaurant, they finally got out and back into the car.

"So," Rukia said, "what are we up to now?"

Ichigo drove down the streets, silent. He was just smiling, one hand holding Rukia´s. Rukia was watching him, his face and calm expression. But then her eyes wondered to the streets, that were no longer streets, but fields.

She knew this road.

"Are we going to the hospital? Ichi…?"

His hand made it´s way to her thigh. "I know you like swimming. So I thought we could have a little… race." He gave her thigh a little squeeze. Rukia just couldn´t help but mewl quietly. It was so long… and he was right here… it was undeniable that the pool was just a pretext. A goddamn pretext. Why was he doing this to her? To make her beg for it? Rukia was sure it would take long before she really did. Her core was burning already.

She hold herself from throwing herself onto him and smirked. "Prepare to lose, baby," she whispered sensually.

"Likewise, sweetie, likewise," he cooed, never stopping to caress her clothed flesh. Something clenched her stomach and she felt hotness spreading in her lower belly.

The car stopped in the underground garages. The two of them went right to the basement where the swimming pool was.

And right there, Rukia stopped.

They don´t have swimsuits. They fucking don´t have their swimsuits. Bloody hell, this was such a guise!

Oh no. he can´t see her naked. Rukia wasn´t ashamed for how she looked like, but… her boobs were small. No, she can´t be naked in front of him.

_Ok, Rukia, how exactly are you planning to have sex with him, then? You can´t act so childish. You must do this. He´ll be naked too, after all. But his body must be absolutely gorgeous… oh, why don´t you eat those magic pills that would make your boobs grow? From now on, you´ll be eating them from the morning to the evening, like the Miso soup. Oh hell, we´re going to be naked…_

Ichigo walked up to the pool and peeled the clothes off of himself, leaving just black boxers on. Rukia´s jaw dropped.

Jesus FUCKING Christ!

She immediately turned away when he pulled those down. She listened to the sound of body slipping into the water, and when she was sure he was in, she opened her eyes and turned back to face him. He was giving her his seducing smiled, no, smirk, and was purposely showing himself off. Supporting his weight on his elbows, he was giving her a perfect view on his well-defined chest. He was so amazing. Impressive. _Fuckable_. If Rukia didn´t have some good-girl rules, she´d be already… doing what she´s been only thinking of.

Yet.

There he was waiting only for her, her, of all woman. He could have asked out Inoue, with her big boobs and curves and all, but he asked out Rukia. Only Rukia. And now, they were here, he was naked, waiting for her to get naked –

Oh, yes. She should undress, too.

"Are you planning to watch?" she asked dryly, her hands on her hips.

"Yeah, you bet," he grinned back.

For this, she had no answer. No reply. How was she supposed to reply to something like this? He was going to watch, and that was it.

Her hands made slow motion towards the belt. She removed her jeans as slowly as possible, careful about every move. Oh, how happy she was that she shaved herself off that morning. Her smooth skin seemed like glowing in the low light. Her T-shirt came off soon after the jeans and all that was left was her underwear; nothing sexy, really, simple white bra and chappy panties. Rukia was hoping Ichigo didn´t see the prints.

"You´re really going to watch?" she asked again, getting kind of nervous about the whole undressing thing.

"You didn´t watch?" Ichigo chuckled softly.

"Not really," Rukia could feel the blood rushing to her cheeks. "I turned away when you were taking off your underwear."

"Fair enough," he purred, "but unlike you, I´m not ashamed to watch. Nothing wrong with it, really."

Rukia stepped closer. "If you win, you can watch."

With that, Kurosaki turned his back on her and slowly closed his eyes. All he did was enjoy the sound of fabric rustling as the petite woman took off the last pieces of her clothing. He took a shaky breath and felt throb between his legs. Smirking, he tilted his head pleasurably when Rukia´s small body slid into the water next to him. He opened his eyes again.

"Here´s the deal, honey," he grabbed her wrists, pressing her against the pool´s wall. Rukia panicked a little, automatically fighting against his hands and dragging her knees up to her chest. "The one who wins, names his prize." He whispered into her ear, adoring the shivering he was able to cause.

Rukia gulped. "Wait," she mumbled, making him release her wrists slowly. Her arms wrapped around his neck, their naked bodies suddenly even closer. He swore he could feel her body heat. "I want to know your prize before we start. So I know."

"You´re counting on losing?" he mocked.

"In your dreams," she responded with almost animalistic ferocity.

"You can´t beat me, baby. My prize is what makes me want to win even more."

"And your prize is…?"

He brushed his lips across hers. "You of course."

**OK, I didn´t actually wrote the promised lemon, but! You can make sure the fourth chapter will be very lemony. **

**Now… I´m kind of sorry about this chapter. It didn´t turned out like I wanted; or, at least, how I expected. I´m so exhausted. Stupid family trips. I think I´m getting into deep depression. Gggrrrrrh. Do you have idiotic relatives, too?**

**Anyways, I hope I´ll be updating soon, but who knows how school will turn out. But before I´ll see you again…**

**Review…? Nyaff? *puppy eyes***


	4. Making mistakes

**4****th**** chapter**

**Ooookay… sorry for the late update (I guess) and I hope you´re not gonna kill me.**

**To make it clear: this is just a small lemon. Yup. My usual lemons are longer. Much longer. But, you see, their just at the beginning of the fierce relationship. That has to start with a quickie.**

**So enjoy, mah cuties!**

Rukia always loved water. The nice wet feeling against her heated skin. And when it was the summertime she loved it even more. She was swimming since she remembered. At the age of three, her grandpa taught her how to do it by throwing her into a pond nearby their old house, and since then, she completely fell for this sport. When she was on high school she was one of the best swimmers – ever. But facing the tall, muscular and all together absolutely irresistible man – though Rukia wasn´t really sure how was this related to the race itself – all her skills seemed absolutely useless against him. Unless he decided to let her win, she´ll have to deal with his idea of prize.

Ichigo was standing right next to her – neither of them was looking at their naked bodies – and had his I-know-this-is-irritating-you-and-I´m-totally-happy-with-myself smile on. Ok, maybe Rukia was looking. A little. Not actually _down there_, just from the waist up. Mostly she was studying his face, trying to figure out what was he thinking about. After some time, she decided she actually didn´t want to know.

Taking a deep breath, she tried to calm down; no use. Her heart was very unwilling to cooperate with her. It was pounding wildly like it wanted to beat through her chest.

"Seems your getting pretty tensed," Ichigo noted dryly, grinning in a total victory.

"Not at all," she responded calmly, pushing the nervousness out of her voice. She was used to this; though it was really long since she was standing at the edge of pool with some rival of hers. She smiled as the pictures from high school invaded her mind. There was always some quiet bickering between the contestants. But that was probably the best part of it.

"You sure?" Ichigo asked, his eyes wandering towards her. "I´m gonna start the countdown, if you´re ready." Oh yes. The bickering.

"The thing is, are _you _sure? I´d like you to convince me that you´re not just a big mouth." Her favorite line.

"You can be sure about that," he muttered, "and I´ll make sure I´ll be the only winner."

"Oh, really? Haven´t you heard of the awesome Rukia Kuchiki, the treasure of the seas, yet?" the line she didn´t use that often; only when she really wanted to impress the other racer. It was her very spiciest.

"You bet I have. But haven´t _you_ heard of the unbeatable Ichigo Kurosaki?"

"Sorry," she smirked, "I never heard anything like that."

The man next to her chuckled darkly, his voice all sugary. "One," Ichigo smirked as he was counting, "two," this came as a mere purr rambling in his chest, "three."

At the last word they both jumped into the pool. Rukia gave it her everything, going full-power, as quick as she possibly was able to; and it was just enough to keep up with her boss, who was lazily swimming towards the finish. She remembered very well her high school days when she was having a race, and how she was displeased with herself when she lost, but now… maybe she actually did want to lose. Dr. Kurosaki seemed much more okay with asking for such a prize. And she, being the proud Kuchiki, probably wouldn´t dare to even think of saying something like that.

It was an amazing feeling, really. She felt like a high school girl again. Back there, she was absolutely different person. She was paying all attention to their little race, but still, in the back of her mind she was thinking back to her school days. High school life was probably the best time of her life. She was living with her family on the suburb, she had tons of friends and she was generally popular in the school. Her grades weren´t somewhat great, though. She didn´t care about school back there. She was out with her friends all the time. Yes, that was until the evening when someone called her when she was in the local bar. It was doctor Kurosaki´s father, a hospital proprietor. There was something wrong with her big brother Byakuya.

He´s been taking care of her since they´re parents died in the accident. Rukia didn´t remember much from her childhood, but since she did, Byakuya was always by her side. He was always announcing that he´ll take care of her for ever and ever, no matter what happens. Which he really did. When Mum and Dad died in the accident and Byakuya was studying the law, he took three extra job, working day/night, all the time, and still studying to fulfill his promise to their Grandfather. And she had promised that she´d return his kindness.

That evening, when the doctor called her, her entire life changed. It was a tuberculosis. Byakuya has the tuberculosis, the doctor said in a dull voice. Rukia´s head was spinning, she could still remember. She left her friends, her previous high school life; she changed. For her brother. For their parents. She stopped hanging out with her friends, became extremely introvert, and did nothing but studied and took care of Byakuya. She was no more available for parties or dates; school and Byakuya became her only interest and life. She decided to try and take exams so she could attend the prestige medical school. She passed the exams and became what she was now; all for her brother and family.

And she didn´t complain. Not at all. She was happy that she did what she did. The past was the past, maybe still painful a bit, but she was still glad. She couldn´t imagine herself being a dumb shop assistant or something, being dependent on her ill brother.

Her muscles tensed and as her pride was hanging above a huge abyss, she used her last powers to finish the race. Adrenalin pumped through her veins and suddenly, all she remembered was how she decided to beat Ichigo – because she actually did. Rukia found herself at the finish, panting like she just ran a marathon, and totally happy and glorious. Victory, sweet victory.

Kurosaki finished two seconds after her. He wasn´t panting at all, just gasped for the much needed air. And he was oh, so close to her…

Rukia shook her head. No, this was not the time to have dirty thoughts. That may come later. Now he´s going to suck this up.

Ichigo took a last calming breath and gave the girl just few inches away from him an evil smirk, his hazel eyes sparkling in the low light. They seemed like liquid honey to Rukia. The very finest honey that the Gods used for their waffles. She wondered what would happen if she covered him in a honey.

"Congratulations, Miss Kuchiki," the man cooed in dangerously low voice, all seductive now, "now name your prize."

Oh no. She knew this would come. _Now think, Rukia. What shall you say? That your prize is him telling you what is his prize? No… too childish…_ Rukia had to kick herself mentally. First off, she was taking too long, and then, this was ridiculous. She was the one who he desired, plus she was an adult, mature woman. Yeah. She can name her prize, and that´s it.

… What is her prize again?

"My prize…" she tried to copy Ichigo´s seductive tone, covering her voice with as much sugary accent as possible, "is…" she leaned closer, her lips right next to his ear – and there she stopped. Mentally slapping herself, she swore she´ll never act before thinking of it again.

Kurosaki´s hands wandered down her spine, slender fingers resting on the soft and smooth flesh of her ass cheeks. Rukia felt chills run up and down her spine. It´s been so long… she felt almost like a virgin again. She was getting wet so quickly and easily… If Ichigo knew, he´d tease her about it for sure.

Suddenly he shoved his leg in between her thighs. Rukia gasped and automatically tried to press her legs together, which just made her brush against his firm muscled thigh. Another gasp escaped the petite woman´s lips as his arms wrapped around her, rubbing their chests together. "You seem tense, Rukia," he purred into her ear and licked the earlobe sensually. "What is your prize again?"

Unable to respond, she just tilted her head to one side to give him better access to her neck. He got the hint and rained butterfly kissed down the elegant swan-like neck, nibbling and sucking at the alabaster skin. Making sure he´ll leave a decent mark on the lest side, he got an absolutely adorable mewl from Rukia, already writhing against him in sweet tortures. "Mmm…" she tried to say something, but was cut off by Ichigo´s still-pestering legs. "Mmmy… prize… wwmm..!" she had to muffle a loud throaty moan when he pressed especially hard.

"Yes?" another coo reached her as Ichigo leg go of this 'innocent' teasing and removed his leg from between her shaky thighs. Instead of it, he turned her around and propped against the wall of the pool. Rukia couldn´t help but whimper softly when she felt his rock hard shaft brush against the small of her back. "Mmhmm, yes… Tell me what you want, Rukia… you won, after all, didn´t you? It wouldn´t be fair if I… uhn… didn´t let you have your prize," he whispered against her neck, leaning over her, bringing their wet naked bodies brining with need together.

Instead of explaining what kind of prize she wanted, she swayed her hips back and front, pressing her ass against his crotch hard enough to let him know what kind of prize exactly she wanted. Ichigo threw his head back and made an 'ah' sound, gripping her hips and rocked his hips into her backside. He found himself unable to stop, the sensation the small woman was giving him was irresistible. He had to have her – all of her, and right now. It´s been so long…

Ichigo thought of the woman he had met two years ago. She was fresh med student, just graduated. He gave her the chance to try to work in his hospital; she seemed to have a big potential. And not only that; since the day he saw her he just knew he had to have her. She was adorable; all the innocence in the world, the purity of dreams of every man, with face sculpted by the angels. She was a perfection. And he knew if he let her go, he´d never forgive himself. He _had_ to have her. He swore by the raven hair of hers that he´d have her.

His beautiful Rukia.

Reaching down between her opened thighs, he spread her open, running one finger across her folds. Rukia moaned loudly, gripping the edge of the pool, not giving a shit about the consequences. Right now it was just her and her unbelievable need. Oh, she needed him so much…

Doctor Kurosaki leaned closer to her, his lips right next to her ear. "I´m gonna fuck you so hard, Rukia…" he growled furiously, boisterously.

It made Rukia actually cry out. His finger entered her tight opening provocatively, only playing with her. She pressed against his hand, trying to feel more of those wonderful feelings, groaning in frustration when he pulled the finger out. He whispered that again and gained another desperate cry. Maybe her mind and brain was getting numb with pleasure, but no one had ever said something so rude to her – and Rukia couldn´t help but let it turn her on even more.

"Shit…" she moaned and tilted her head back, giving a silent plea to Ichigo to do something to the perfectly untouched skin on the right side of her neck.

"I´m gonna fuck you raw, so damn raw, so senseless… you wanna get fucked like that, Rukia?" he was whispering to her all those violent and perverse things it was making her lose her mind. Her vision got blurry only because of his talking.

He brushed the tip of his swollen cock against her entrance. She said very quiet 'please'.

"How do you want it, baby… tell your boss how you want it." It was more of a command than a dirty talk, but that made her love it even more.

"Mmmh, Ichi…" a mewl caused by him pushing the tip in in agonizingly slow pace, "I want… I want it like you said you´re going to do it… ahh, but NOW…"

"How I said I´m gonna do it…? You want it hard in your pussy, don´t you…" another few inches went in.

"Yesss… Ichigo, don´t torture me…"

The rest of the way, he forced himself roughly inside her. Rukia couldn´t – and didn´t – fight back the urge to scream. She felt like the tip of that massive organ of his is hitting the very back of her – and if he wasn´t in some part of her body, she wanted him there, warming her and making her feel real. When he pulled out again and pushed back in, she lost it and started thrusting back.

Her skin seemed to be glowing to Ichigo. He couldn´t help but clench his teeth and hiss as he did that again, running his right hand across Rukia´s side.

"Damn water," Ichigo cursed, trying to pick up his pace. "´s slowing me down…"

His strong arms wrapped around her waist, lifting her up and placing her on the floor. Her ass stayed in the right position, the ideal level. Rukia, laying on her belly and with her legs still in the water, mewled when she saw Ichigo play with himself before he pushed back into her. His fingers were brushing across the extremely sensitive tip and his eyes were sparkling with incredible pleasure. It was obvious that he needed her just as much as she needed him.

"Fuck," he uttered and buried himself within her depths. They both groaned, Ichigo at the shocking tightness of Rukia´s body, and the petite doctor at the feeling of being so full.

"Aaaah~ Ichigo…!" the sounds of skin slamming against skin was filling the place, the reverberation making it seem even more intensive.

The ginger-haired man went faster, and Rukia could think of nothing but the tiny little spot inside her belly he was hitting. Nothing mattered in that moment. If someone was holding a knife against her neck, she wouldn´t care. All she could perceive was him inside her – and it felt damn good. Maybe it was because it had been really long since she last had sex, but who cared? It was great. Nothing mattered.

Ichigo watched the back of the gorgeous woman he was with, realizing he wanted to see more than the milky skin. He pulled out for a second only to grab her leg and flip her onto her back, gaining a sweet surprised 'gyah'. His painfully hard dick was back in her with a fragment of a second.

Much better. Like this, he could see it all. Her giant plum eyes screwed shut with pleasure, occasionally opening when he thrust in more slowly, her puffy red lips slightly parted to let out the moans of pleasure, opening more widely when he picked up the pace. And her ebony black hair spilled over her head. He was really glad he decided to fuck her like this, seeing all those wonderful faces she was making. She seemed all fuzzy from the act. He always wanted to see her like this, letting go of all that sophistication and right behavior. And becoming a wild tigress.

Perfection. Total perfection of his beautiful Rukia.

"Ichi… goo…" the tight woman whimpered, her muscles tightening around him. "I think I will… uuumh! I think… I… _ah_…"

"I´m not sure I understand, babes," the man above her smirked. "What will you?"

"AH! There! Again! Again! Ichigo, I need to –"

"Oh, shit, I´m gonna – too…"

In that moment, when Rukia managed to open her puffy eyes, she looked at his handsome face – seeing his eyes glowing with royal gold color. His eyes were narrowed, but in the low light she could still see very well. His usually chocolate brown ponds were… gold. They were gold. Rukia felt the need to kiss him right then and there, seeing his eyes like this, glowing with pleasure. _What an unusual color_.

"Ichi…"

And in few more seconds, it was over. Five-minutes-sex was finished. Ichigo swore loudly, pounding Rukia´s brains out, riding out his orgasm until he was sure every last drop was deep inside her belly, and while that, his hand was unconsciously rubbing her wetness until she was screaming in agony. She tried to remember when was the last time she came so hard. The small bundle on nerves was swollen, pinkish and sore. Overly-sensed like usual, after she had reached her release.

Ichigo collapsed at the top of her, panting heavily, his nose in the crook of her neck. Rukia felt pretty much the same. Exhausted as hell. But wonderful anyway. Her hands were stroking his back, enjoying every small muscle. He was lazily pressing his lips against her shoulder, not willing to pull out just yet. They were both enjoying the peaceful afterglow after the animalistic sex.

_A quickie_, Rukia thought, _but nice_, anyway. It´s not like she´d complain. She wasn´t much of a love-making person, anyway. She always found it boring. And she had the feeling that Ichigo felt pretty much the same about sex. He´d probably would appreciate bed full of roses and a romantic music. And she was grateful for this. This kind of sex was what she liked the best.

Ichigo was hypnotizing the floor. He was smiling. Or maybe even smirking. After all this time of secret desired he thought he´d never fulfill, he actually had her. All of her. They had became one. Maybe just for few minutes, but the red mark on her neck was claiming her his. That was exactly what he wanted; to have his little Rukia for ever. Make her his for ever. And now that they had done this, he belonged to him. She was his. Finally only his. No one else´s. Ichigo thought of what he´d do if someone tried to get her. Probably break his neck.

For another few minutes, they were just laying there, on the floor. None of them cared.

Then Ichigo pulled out his softened cock and kissed her on the lips. Rukia tiredly kissed him back.

"Rukia, baby, you can´t sleep here. I´ll drive you home." The orange-haired doctor smiled softly and helped her up. Rukia found it kind of hard to walk immediately after what they did, but didn´t complain. He has holding her, seeing how unsteady she was, so she wasn´t afraid of falling.

"That´s okay," she mumbled, yawning like a tired kitty, "I need to stop by the office, anyway. I´ll go by bus later."

He scowled a little. "Are you sure? Don´t you need to get some sleep?"

"I can sleep later," Rukia mumbled, pulling her chappy panties back on. "I really need to check something in there. Besides, I want so see Nel and Grimmjow. Nel knows I´m having a day off, but Grimmjow thinks I´m here, so it´ll be probably better if I go see him." Actually, she was planning to see only Nel – she had no desire to talk to that creep. For some reason, she felt that he´d realize what she´s been doing, and that was the last thing she wanted him to know.

"Really? You´re working on your day off?" he asked in surprise, pulling on his jeans and the T-shirt over his head.

"Yeah," she fastened her belt, "but don´t worry. I had a wonderful break." She made a cocky face, raising a brow provocatively.

He came closer and helped her get the T-shirt back on. Then he pecked her lips. "Okay. But don´t work late."

For few seconds, he held her in his arms gently. She heard him sigh and imagined his hazel eyes close. Her two irises, on the other hand, stayed wide opened. Was he really hugging her? No matter how much she tried, since she started her sexual life, she had never liked cuddling after the _thing_. And Ichigo was just standing there with his hands slowly stroking up and down her back.

"Ok," she urged him, pushing away lightly. "I´ll call you as soon as I get home." Lie. She´ll cry her eyes out on Nanao´s lap as soon as she gets home.

"Wait, shouldn´t I stay and take you –"¨

She cut him off very quickly. "No, no, no, thanks, but I don´t know how long this will take –"

"You said you won´t work late –"

"I won´t!" she barked in frustration. Was he always like this? Few minutes ago he seemed like… like a sex god, and now, what he was trying to do, look like a teddy bear? "I won´t, but I want to… errm… I want to say hello to my friend who´s a bus driver." _Really, Rukia? That´s probably the stupidest lie you´ve ever told_.

He grinned. "Rukia," he said with a smile, "if you want to take your time here, I don´t mind, okay? I´ll see you later, baby." With that, he kissed her forehead – and he was gone. And Rukia just stood there, her hair still wet, and her eyes wide.

She wasn´t sure; did she piss him off? Or… was he okay with it?

A heavy sigh escaped her lips as she walked towards the lift. She felt a little sore between her legs, and what was worse, terribly tired. Maybe she´ll pass out in Nel´s room, and when she wakes up, her face will be covered with creepy paintings. Seriously, she wouldn´t mind. Nel was one of her favorite patients.

It was actually kind of sad story; how that little beautiful girl got in here. Ichigo had told Rukia before he asked her to start checking of the girl. Nel had something like a split personality; though just in the first stage. She was convinced she has an older self, and generally, sometimes she was just way too mature about things. And her deeply religious parents just couldn´t put up with their daughter´s 'heretical' imagination, so they sent her to the asylum. And Nel stayed here. It didn´t seem they wanted to get the girl back. Rukia always thought that if she ever got to meet them, she´d gladly punch their stupid faces.

Since Rukia started to visit Nel, some sort of a friendship was formed between them. Nel saw Rukia as a person equal to herself, and Rukia saw Nel pretty much the same. It wasn´t a mother-daughter relationship. It was more of a rival-rival relationship. The only difference was that they actually were nothing like rivals. Rukia really adored the little girl. And Nel really had a strong bond to the black-haired doctor.

Rukia pressed the button '2', watching her finger very closely. She _was_ pressing bottom '2'. Not '3'. Now she was very sure.

While traveling by the lift up, she was eyeing herself in the mirror. Realizing she had her mascara all over her face, she sighed and searched through her purse for a make-up corrector. She groaned in frustration when her fingers collided with everything but the small tube she was looking for. After some cursing, she finally found what she wanted and fixed the black smears on her face. Much better.

The re-assuring 'DING' came right after she put some powder on. She sighed in slight relief, though she´d never admit she was tensed; no. She was still making herself think that she wasn´t somehow expecting the lift to stop at the third floor.

She walked through the corridors, absolutely satisfied as she was meeting all her co-workers and usual patients. This was much better that the silent asylum she saw this morning. It was around 7pm, but the hospital was still busy and lively. Which was, from time to time, really nice to see.

Right before she could enter her little office, someone´s hand appeared on her shoulder.

That was the first time in a long long period she made a little 'eek' sound.

"T-Tia! You scared the shit outta me!" Rukia complained loudly, looking over her shoulder if anyone heard her. It seemed that everybody had better things to do.

The blonde haired woman in front of her made her her characteristic bored, I-so-don´t-care face. "Did I?" she mumbled, the black turtleneck almost covering her mouth. "Sorry then." Rukia saw her smile and smiled too. Tia was her friend since Rukia joined the doctors hospital team. As probably the only one she didn´t judge her considering only her age. When Rukia came to work the first day, all eyes had been on her and she could_ feel_ the people chatting about her being too young for a job like this. They all thought that she won´t make it through the first week. Once she was standing by the automat, thinking of which juice she should get, and one of the older and more experienced doctors said something really-not-nice about her, and Tia, who was standing somewhere nearby, barked at him to shut the hell up. Since then, Rukia loved her.

"It´s okay," Rukia smiled, "wanna come in?" she unlocked the door of her office, thinking of getting her stun gun before she goes anywhere.

Tia shook her head. "No, thanks, but I thought I might stop by in couple of days and we might go out for a lunch together."

"That sounds nice." Rukia nodded and held the door. "So… I don´t mean to be rude, but… did you need something?"

The tall blonde sighed. "Yes," she said in a low voice, "I know it´s your day off, but we really need you to check on the patient from the third floor. He´s called us, like, ten times, asking for you. He seems really nervous – or I don´t know how to describe this. Anyways, when I asked him to accept some pills, he said he won´t ate them unless you give them to him. And when I tried to convince him to take some sleeping pills, he nearly bit me. It seems he´s really liked you since he came here, which is just one day ago."

Rukia blinked several times. "You mean Grimmjow?" she asked Tia.

"Yes, I mean Grimmjow. Would you go check on him? The last call was one hour ago, so it is highly possible that in few minutes he´ll get impatient again. The nurses are nervous around him and most of then doesn´t want to go to his room." Tia was scowling now. Just slightly, but it was obvious this was making her feel uneasy.

Rukia shook her head, getting back to reality. "Of course. I´ll just… grab my things and go right to him. Thanks, Tia."

"No problem," the other doctor said, just about to turn on her heel and walk away.

But Rukia needed something else yet. "Hey, sorry to bother you," she started, waiting for Tia to turn around again to face her.

"Yes." She said in her usual emotionless tone.

"Have you seen Orihime today? I wonder if she´s been to work or not."

Tia was staring at her for a moment, probably trying to figure out who Orihime was. Then she shook her head. "No, I haven´t seen her."

Rukia was half expecting her to say that she hasn´t heard of anyone by that name, but hopefully Tia knew all the nurses. "That´s good," she sighed, "thank you again, Tia. I hope you stop by soon so we can get the lunch!"

Shouting this, she was already on her way to the office, kicking the door open. Actually, she was planning to make a Miso soup for herself and then go and see Nel, but hearing these news she decided to take a stun gun with her and go visit Grimmjow. She wondered what was he up to. Probably some boloney she was in no mood to be part of. But, what the hell. At least she doesn´t have to listen to Nanao´s blabbering about the wedding. Though she was actually kind of looking forward to it.

Rukia grabbed her white doctor´s cloak and the stun gun. With a huge victorious smile she locked the office again and made her way towards the lift. Yes. Now he can´t do anything to her. She has her beloved stun gun. God bless the one who developed the stun guns.

As she was waiting for the lift, she wondered what had happened to her patient. Grimmjow wouldn´t be making such a fuss about nothing. She was kind of glad that Orihime wasn´t here today – they´d probably sent her to him, because she was, after all, Rukia´s assistant (or something), and the last thing she needed was whining Orihime hiding somewhere in the dark corner due to an encounter with Grimmjow.

Really, what was Grimmjow´s problem? Maybe he felt sick? Or just wanted to make her mad? Or planned to repeat the yesterday night? No way, she had her stun gun.

She found herself getting out of the lift suddenly, at the very silent and way too calm third floor. Taking a deep breath, she walked to Grimmjow´s room. She knocked lightly and for some reason fixed her still wet hair, combing it back with her hands. Than she kicked herself mentally and waited for some kind of response; which didn´t come.

"Grimmjow?" she called out, pressing her ear against the white door. "Grimmjow, this is doctor Kuchiki. I´d like to come in now, if you don´t mind?"

Nothing. Was he making fun of her?

"Grimmjow, I´m coming in, okay?" she announced and pushed the keys inside, unlocking the door or Grimmjow´s room. She slowly opened then and squeezed the stun gun in her pocket. "Grimmjow?"

The blue-haired serial killer was laying on his bed, under the light orange covers and blankets. His head was tilted back, pushed into the pillow. His eyes were screwed shut and his face was one big painful grimace. He moaned in pain and gulped, trying o get some air. "Finally," he wheezed, opening his sapphire eyes.

"Grimmjow!" Rukia exclaimed, dropping her keys and running over to his bed. Her hand came quickly to his forehead, the petite woman pressing her small palm against his burning skin. "You have a terrible fever! What in the world happened?" she actually wasn´t expecting him to reply. She thought for a second and then put her cloak down, pushing the stun gun into the pocket of her jeans. "I´m going to get some water from the bathroom, okay? I´ll be right back, Grimmjow, just… just hang in there."

His somewhat weak hand found her wrist, still managing to grasp it firmly. "Ugh…" he groaned, narrowing his eyes, "just… don´t take long…" he whispered, letting go of her hand.

Rukia ran out of the room in a total panic. What the hell! What happened to him? And why didn´t he say anything to the other doctors? Tia was here – how couldn´t she notice he was in such a terrible condition? And why the hell he didn´t ask her to give him some pills? She ran to the bathroom in the end of the corridor, opening the door harshly. Her hands, all shaky and unsteady, turned the cool water on and she threw the white cloak into the washbasin, nervously waiting for it to soak wet with the cool water.

What the hell happened?

She squeezed the redundant water out of the cloak and turned the water down. Another race with the time to Grimmjow, who was still in there, waiting for her to return.

She closed the door of the room and rushed to his bed. Mapping his frowning sweaty face, she used the sleeve of the cloak to wipe the sweat. He shivered when the cold object touched his burning skin, but then Rukia felt him relax. His muscles released some of the tension and he leaned back into the bed. Rukia was frowning. Her hands were making slow motions, almost caressing his face, like she was trying to wipe away that exhaustion off.

Grimmjow´s small moans of pain turned into sighs and a little sharp breaths, and Rukia felt a huge relief.

"Better now?" she asked quietly and continued to cool his skin of his neck.

He took a sharp inhale of breath as the cold fabric made contact with his heated flesh. "Mmmf," was all he managed to say through his clenched teeth.

Rukia smiled slightly and let her hand guide the wet white fabric down his chest. His undershirt was soaking wet with the sweat. She wiped as much as she could from the reachable places and moved to his shoulders, gently running her cloak over his muscled arms and stopping by his wrists. He sighed a little when she did that, closing his eyes. Rukia figured this felt good and rubbed the left wrist and than the right, lightly playing with his fingers. Even his palms were covered in sweat. She dried them and held his hand for a while.

He had his eyes closed, just enjoying the small fingers rubbing circles on his heated palms. Rukia seemed to me massaging his hand, first the left one and then the right one. When she was doing this with the right hand she was closer to him. Sitting on the left edge of the bed caused the necessity for her to lean against his hip lightly to reach for his hand. He had it resting on his abdomen, but she was still leaning against him while toying with his hand.

His breath was steady by the time she decided to remove his undershirt. Well, not actually take it off of him, she wouldn´t be able to do that unless she woke him up, but the plan was to push it up as much as possible. Her small hands moved towards the hem of the white piece of cloth. She caught herself thinking of how he looked like; he for sure had perfect abs, that was very obvious, but she still felt nervousness creep in her belly and clench her chest.

She pushed the fabric up, exposing as much skin as possible; it was actually a huge success. She was able to reach his breast. And there she stopped. Probably purposely. She took the slowly drying cloak and placed it on his still-heated torso, careful to not wake him up. She hard a little intake of breath and then a satisfied sigh. His whole body relaxed, even his face did. The painful grimace was gone, replaced by a calm expression.

Rukia felt relief envelope her once again. Victory. She saved him.

As he was breathing peacefully, her hand was still holding his, her thumb making small motions on his palm. Back and front, front and back. She waited until the cloak dried off entirely. It didn´t took that long, Grimmjow being in the state he was. His body sucked up the cool water like a sponge. But since he was better now, Rukia turned the cloak on him upwards, slowly placing it back down, and stood up to leave.

He locked her hand in his securely. A small sound of nervousness escaped her lips as she fell back onto his bed, her butt colliding with it almost painfully. She looked at their joined hands in surprise, almost in shock. "G… Grimmjow?" she almost whispered, murmuring to him and squeezing his hand gently.

"Yeah…" he murmured back.

She gulped, the sound being way too hearable. She tried to make his hand let go of hers, but he didn´t seem like letting her go. "Grimmjow, are you feeling bad again? Shall I call the doctors?" she asked quietly but businesslike.

He moved his head from left to right slowly. "M-m," he mumbled, "they all suck. I want you."

Rukia couldn´t help but blush a little. Nel was telling her that she was the most awesome doctor in the whole universe all the time, but this was something different; seeing this serial killer go all soft and nice, even that nice he was telling her this… that was exactly what she would never expect. "Do you want me to stay here with you?" she asked in low voice, not trying to shake his hand off anymore.

A slow nod. "Yea."

"Okay."

She went back to rubbing his hand, her soft skin brushing against his rough one. It felt so good to him.

"I wonder," Rukia´s voice was quiet and serene. "Why didn´t you tell Dr. Halibel you felt sick? She´d give you some pills."

There was a pause, a long pause. Rukia was watching his face, his closed eyes, and thought he was asleep, but then he spoke up again. "I wanted to wait for my own doctor." Was all he said.

"You didn´t have to wait for me." Rukia smiled. "Any other doctor would help you. You didn´t have to suffer this much."

He let her move their hands into her lap, moving to the side to make some space for her when she sat on her legs on his bed. Their hands, still held by each other, were resting in her lap now. He closed his eyes again. "Is it weir if I say I don´t mind suffering?" he asked with a sarcastic grimace.

Rukia chuckled softly. "Grimmjow," she said his name with some sort of care. "You´re in an insane asylum. There´s nothing I would name weird in here."

"Okay," he mumbled, "but outside the walls of this madhouse?"

She wondered for a minute. "Outside… doesn´t exist for us." She said at last.

He grinned. "Exactly the answer I was hoping for."

Of course.

"Oi, Rukia," he muttered, opening his eyes once more before saying: "Thanks."

She chuckled. "Why do you always call me that? You always call me by my first name."

"I call you that since the day we´ve met."

"You were calling me Miss Psychiatrist," she reminded him.

He smiled just way too gently. "No Rukia… I wasn´t."

Seeing he was his old self, the old self she knew, she felt some kind of peaceful air return to her lungs. She could breathe without a problem again. Much better. It was very calming, to see his wicked grin return. But although he seemed to be fine again, she didn´t let go of his hand. And he was still holding hers, too. She studied his half-sleeping form, wondering how long has he been working out to get such a body.

_Oh, cut this out, Kuchiki!_

She smiled to herself. This will definitely turn out just fine.

His breathing was steady once again. She watched over him for another few minutes before placing his hand next to his side, slowly releasing it. Now it was her palm that was sweaty. She silently stood up and took her almost dry cloak off of him, replacing it with the warm blanket. She looked his way once more and did something stupid; she was really glad he was already deep in his slumber. She bended down to him and softly kissed his forehead, like mommy would do to her sick kid. Though this was another kind of kiss. She couldn´t quite name it, but she was very sure she didn´t think of Grimmjow as of her son.

She tip-toed to the door, making sure she was extremely silent. Slowly, she opened it and slipped out of the room.

When Grimmjow heard the door close, he opened his eyes again.

She didn´t remember. Not yet. But she would. Soon, she would remember everything. He touched the place she had kissed just few seconds ago and smirked. She´d be his and only his again. And he´d kick that bastard´s ass for stealing her away from him. He coughed slightly and touched his chest. He still had that damn fever.

"Fuckin everything for you, Rukia," he growled and turned to his side, hand slipping into his pant. "Everything."

She arrived home really late. Really late. It was almost eleven. But she brought some food with her, so Byakuya didn´t mind that much.

They didn´t talk. Not really. He was still angry with her because of the date with her boss and she was too stubborn do admit it was a mistake; or, not for sure in front of him. Rukia just prepared the food, Taiyaki fish with baked potatoes. Byakuya said he liked the taste of the Taiyaki and Rukia said she liked the taste of blood.

Sarcasm. Rukia and her damn sarcasm.

When she came up to her room, Nanao was 'hiding' in her bed with couple of wedding magazines. She was talking on the phone with Shunsui, for three hours like Rukia found out later. When they were done, Rukia slipped into the bed next to Nanao and spilled her guts out. Told her everything about Ichigo and her feelings towards him. That she thought she messed up really bad. That she had jumped into something she wasn´t quite sure about. Then she told her about the case 19. About what happened with Grimmjow. And that she had the weird feeling that she knew him.

Nanao listened to her until Rukia´s mouth felt sore. Then she told her and Shunsui story. She saw tears standing in the corners of Rukia´s amethyst eyes. She told her to not worry about things. She told her everything will be fine. The usual best friends stuff. She told her she thought she thinks she´s stupid, anyways. That she thought she´d take an example on her own mistake.

Rukia asked what did she mean. If that means that she´s not happy with Shunsui.

Nanao said that being happy is not always the best path to take.

**Dear God… please don´t let there be too many mistakes! I´m really sleepy now and if I leave the corrections for tomorrow, I will never update.**

**Hmmm… okay, so, theoretically, this came out like it did because of my cut thumb. Yup. I was making salad. And I bet that if Kat-chan stitched if for me it would be much better. She´d make my thumb feel better than that dumb surgeon who said I was crazy.**

**Ahem… lame excuse.**

**Please mind the fact that I will die very soon if I don´t get some sleep =D I can´t fix the typos and grammar errors… I´m already sleeping. I trained my dogs to write instead of meee…**

**Wraff, wraff!**

**Reeeviiieeewwws? ;)**


	5. Whispers

**5****th**** chapter**

**Took me long, huh? Yeah, I know. Baaad Barb…**

**But it´s here, so… don´t complain =D**

**Btw… watch out, I was slightly dull while writing the last part =D**

It was breezing slightly that morning. The window in the room was slightly dewy. Tiny raindrops were running down the sky and to Grimmjow it seemed like the world was entirely trapped in an enormous drinking glass. But he liked when it was raining. And past few days, it was raining all the time. Since he came here, the rain haven´t stopped. Not that he minded; he really, really liked the rain.

Under the gray blanket the sky seemed kind of sad to him. More like a melancholic heaven.

Since yesterday, he was feeling better. His temperature was in normalcy, his skin wasn´t so heated anymore and his head stopped pounding. He was still covered in the white cloak Rukia used yesterday to help him. It was dry now, but still held some of her scent. Grimmjow was laying on his side with the cloak entangled with his own body. _Smells like her_. His eyes slowly closed and he gave up waiting for his attending doctor awake. He didn´t get much sleep last night. And Rukia was taking her sweet time like usual. It was already long past the breakfast time. Actually, it was 11am. Grimmjow thought if she was still sleeping.

Maybe she was. Girls always sleep a lot after sex, right? Grimmjow scowled angrily and balled his hands into fists as he reminded himself of the smell that was enveloping her the last night. _Fucking Kurosaki_. His smell was all over her. She smelled like sex itself. But most importantly, she smelled after that orange-haired bastard. Grimmjow felt his head pound again as he got even angrier. A damn scum like that wasn´t worth her.

He flipped over, laying on him back now. His eyes were hypnotizing the walls, the blue-haired man starting to count in his head.

He was somewhere around 500 when there was a light knock on the door.

"Grimmjow? Are you awake?" a soft voice asked from behind the white door.

He sighed in disappointment, wondering whether to answer or stay silent and pretend to be asleep. He decided to take this as a man. She´d come in, anyways. "Yeah, I´m awake," he growled in annoyance and sat up on his bed.

The curvy orange-haired nurse came in with a big tray of food in her hands. She had her usual goofy grin and two ponytails. "Hi Grimmjow," she smiled warmly – and very falsely – at him. "Sorry I´m late with the breakfast, I´ve been –"

"About a damn time," he cut her off sharply, not willing to listen to her lame excuses. He knew exactly why she was late; she´s been playing rock-paper-scissors with other nurses because she didn´t want to come here. Since the first time he saw her, she didn´t like him. And he didn´t like her. She seemed really stupid. Really, how someone like that gets to be Rukia´s assistant?

"I´m really sorry, Grimmjow, I just couldn´t let the files lay on Miss Kuchiki´s desk unprepared before she comes." Another fucking excuse. Rukia never left some files _unprepared_ on the desk. Never. She was a little nitpicker; a quality she had after her brother. A cute quality, indeed.

He shook his head, azure hair following his movements. "Don´t care."

She cleared her throat nervously and put the tray on his nightstand. "Okay. Today it is toast with cheese and tomatoes, lemon tea with honey, some extra sweets and chips. Enjoy your meal, please, and if you need anything, just call me!"

She bowed politely and harshly walked towards the door. "Wait," he grumbled, "when´s Kuchiki comin'?" he asked with very displeased face.

Orihime got even more nervous. "Well, you know Grimmjow, I don´t really know… but since she was here yesterday – on her day off – she might not be coming today…" he heard her voice creak a little as she said that. Hell yea. She feared him so much.

"Not comin' today, huh. Fuckin' bad." He reached out for the toast, his eyes still of the girl in his room. Taking a bite, he scowled and made a disgusted face. Throwing the toast back on the plate, he gave Orihime uninterested look. "´S uneatable. I don´t wanna eat stuff like that. Who made it, three-year-old kid? Or a blind fuckhead with no sense of humor? Fuckin' bring me something else."

The girl blinked few times. "Y-yes, Grimmjow…" she gulped loudly and turned on her heel to leave the room and play another rock-paper-scissors with other nurses. She was so not going to come back here.

"That´s Mr. Jaegerjaquez to you, _girlie_." He growled and waved his hand in annoyance.

She didn´t respond. She slammed the door and he was pretty sure he heard way too quick footsteps. She for sure was running away. He slowly grabbed the toast again and took another bite. It was actually good. Really good. But he wanted to get rid of that busty redhead. She was certainly not coming back anytime soon. And he was very pleased with his success.

xOxOxOxOxOx

Rukia was slowly wandering through the corridors with a big cup of coffee in her hand. Her face was slightly frowned. Another day she might have spent just lazing around, and she is here again. She wasn´t a workaholic, just… had a passion for eye bags, as it seemed lately. When she met Tia today, the blonde doctor had noted that Rukia looks like overworked Easter bunny.

For a second, she thought if Ichigo was working today, but it seemed too lovey-dovey to come to his office. This was work, not another place where they could… continue to bond. Her day schedule was simple: first, survive the first fifteen minutes (surprisingly done). Then go to the office and see Nel´s file. Then go and see Nel. And then have another coffee. And then probably go and see if Grimmjow is back to his old self, or if he´s still playing a cute teddy bunny.

Not sure if everything will work out, Rukia made her schedule simpler. She headed right to Nel´s room.

She knocked three times with a small pause between second and third knock, like usual. Nel had asked her to use this secret code so she´d know who it was. Rukia felt very flattered that it was only her who had her secret code. Actually, she asked Nel to give her more secret codes for more simple things – mentally convincing herself that it was for her research.

"Yupee!" came the secret-code-response. Rukia opened the door with an actual un-fake smile.

"Hi Nel," she greeted the small girl sitting on her bed, with a sketch book over her knees. "Are you drawing something nice, darling?" she asked and sat down on the chair by Nel´s bed.

The little girl nodded harshly. "Yup! It´s gonna be me and my boyfriend from the past, when we were both still working for one creepy guy!" she explained, pointing at the tall big-chested woman on the drawing, held by even taller man with long black hair.

Rukia frowned slightly and placed her coffee on the nightstand. She hugged her knees to her chest. "Interesting, Nel. Could you tell me something about that creepy guy? For example, how he looks like and why do you find him creepy? Or, how did you meet him?" She slowly prepared her notebook and pen.

"Well," Nel thought for a second, "I´m not sure about name right now, but, he´s kinda tall, has broad shoulders and brown Superman-like hair, with that one lock in his face. And he has still this icy smile, like he thinks he´s the biggest badass of all." Nel leaned closer to the black-haired doctor sitting by her bed. "Actually," she whispered, "I think he´s a total rapist!"

Rukia widened her eyes in some kind of surprise. "Nel," she said almost motherly, "you shouldn´t talk like that." She smiled a little.

Nel giggled. "But it´s true," she stated, "even my boyfriend thinks he´s an ass."

"Nel!" Rukia chuckled, finding herself unable to actually give her a lecture about dirty talk. It just seemed so sweet to her. It appears that a not even a five years old kid is becoming one of her best friends.

Nel smiled and made a toothy grin. "But you know what? I don´t fear him."

Rukia nodded. "That´s a good thing, Nel. I´m glad you´re fighting your fears away. It seems that you´re getting much better."

"It´s just cuz of you!" Nel exclaimed and jumped onto Rukia´s lap, hugging the stunned doctor tightly. Then she looked up. "Say, Miss Kuchiki. If I was a professional killer, but never thought of my job as of something I enjoy and like to do, but like of something I was destined and born to do… would I be still a good person and your friend? Or would my fate be to end up in hell with other people who kill?"

Rukia blinked. "Well," she said calmly, "I think you are a wonderful young lady. And even if you were a serial killer, I would consider you a friend, because I know who you really are, and what you really are like. Listen… no matter what happens, there will always be someone who will love you sincerely. No one ever stays alone. It´s unnatural for human beings, okay? You will never be alone." That was the freaking most beautiful thing she´s ever said to anyone. And she was incredibly proud of herself about it.

Nel´s eyes were wide, two big sandy deserts. Her short teal hair disappeared from Rukia´s sight as the girl buried her nose in Rukia´s neck. She could feel the little girl sob slightly. "M-Miss Kuchiki – you – awe so s-sweet!" The girl whimpered and clenched Rukia in her small arms.

"There, there, it´s okay, Nellie." She whispered, looking out of the window. It wasn´t raining anymore. Sun wasn´t shining, but the rain stopped.

The little moment of peace was interrupted by a knocking on the door. Rukia opened her eyes, never noticing that she closed them, and somewhat protectively stroked Nel´s hair. Orihime appeared in the door.

"Miss Kuchiki, sorry to interrupt you," her shaky voice said slowly, "I – I need to speak to you…" Rukia could swear she heard a small sob.

"Of course," she said automatically, though she thought her voice sounded kind of stunned. She laid Nel on her bed and covered the girl´s small body with the blanket. She gave Orihime a concerned look. The girl did the same. Rukia took one last glance at sleeping Nel and then closed the door of the only room she didn´t mind visiting.

Once they were in the silent and almost empty corridor, Orihime burst into tears.

"M-Miss Kuchiki!" she cried out and jumped around Rukia´s neck. "G-Grimmjow is s-so mean to me! H-he said he didn´t like his toast, and he was saying such ugly things, and his eyes were so – so – evil, and then he practically kicked me out of his room –"

"Sssh, sssh, calm down Orihime," Rukia tried to hush the orange-haired girl sobbing in her arms. She petted Orihime´s back until her assistant calmed down a at least a little. "Now," she spoke up in a firm voice, "tell me what exactly happened with Grimmjow." She ordered.

"W-well," Orihime thought a little, choking the last sobs. "He… I… I was late with his breakfast, because no other nurse wanted to deliver it to him. So we were… kind of playing rock-paper-scissors, and I lost. So when I came, he was really angry, and he was asking if you were coming today –"

"Seems he´s better today," Rukia noted dryly, turning her gaze to Orihime. "When I found him yesterday night he was totally out of character. Ill like he´s been walking around outside naked in the storms. And all sweet when I was helping him to get better. But hearing of him now, I think he´s back to himself." She found herself grinning like an idiot. Not actually grinning; just happily smiling. It was a good thing that Grimmjow was Grimmjow again.

Orihime blinked in surprise. "B-but he was bullying me!" she complained desperately.

"Oh, put up with it," Rukia smiled, "that´s just our Grimmjow, you know? He´s bullying everyone. If I ever tell you about or first session, you´d be very happy about how he treats you." she gave her a wink and looked at the clock hanging on the bleached wall. Eleven thirty. Grimmjow will be very impatient by now. Rukia smiled again.

Orihime was staring at her in absolute shock. Did Miss Kuchiki really say 'put up with it'?

"Well," Rukia patted her arm, grinning almost unnaturally (considering it was Rukia). "You get yourself together and please, if you´d be that kind, get these notes into Nel´s file. I´m heading to the third floor now."

"B-but, Miss Kuchiki –" Orihime reached out a hand to stop the petite doctor.

"Oh, and please tell Ichi – umm, Dr. Kurosaki that I´ll be done here earlier today." She added and fiercely walked down the corridor to the elevator. "Oh, and tell him I´m taking the rest of the day off – and that I´ll be out of the town!" she called over her shoulder before disappearing in the cabin.

Orihime just stayed there, staring on the empty space Dr. Kuchiki left behind.

xOxOxOxOxOx

_He always felt like kicking her. Totally. She was like the embodiment of sarcasm. In every way. He said something he really meant, and she used sarcasm so cruelly it was nearly painful. But that was just his little precious Rukia. Though lately she wasn´t that happy._

"_Oi, Rukia," he blurted out, grasping her arm. "I have somethin' to tell ya." He announced with a poker face. _

_She blinked in surprise. "Really?" she asked. "What is it?"_

"_W-well," he found himself getting somewhat nervous. That happened every time he needed to tell her something important. "Mom´s feeling worse lately. Y´know, the cancer is starting to… spread to her stomach." His voice was calm, but very quiet. His eyes were hypnotizing his old sneakers. He felt her concerned gaze on his skin._

_Rukia stayed silent, but she came closer and gently took his hand into hers._

"_Pops wants to move out. Some better place, where she can… peacefully." He shook his head. "I just wanted to say I´m not gonna see you for some time."_

_Her deep lavender eyes suddenly went as wide as possible. "What? Wait – where exactly are you moving?" her grasp tightened._

"_A suburb on the other side of the city. Actually, it´s in the middle on nowhere. No trains, no buses, no roads. Just an old house."_

"_Why the hell your dad wants to move to a place like that?" she just couldn´t understand._

"_It´s not his idea." He whispered, waiting for her to hand to dare and touch his hair. She always touched his hair when she noticed he felt down. But this time she was resistant. "It´s the house mom used to live in as a child. She wants to go back before she… leaves." His shoulders tensed as Rukia´s hand wandered up his arm to his neck. Hair didn´t matter; when she was touching his hair, it felt good. But he didn´t like it when she touched his neck._

"_Oh." She mumbled. "Well… I… I hope… you´ll be fine in there… wherever it is." She caressed the big scar starting by his ear, running across his neck and ending by his left collarbone._

_His hand wrapped around hers and he put it aside. He didn´t like it when she touched his neck. He finally looked up to her. "Will you miss me?" he asked._

_She smiled. "Not a single bit," she murmured and hugged him to her still-immature chest. "But I´ll be thinking of you all day long, wondering if you´re doing well. I´ll be dreaming of when you´ll be coming back."_

"_Don´t fuck with me, Rukia," he chuckled, "you´ll forget as soon as we leave."_

_She shook her head. "Why would you think that?" _

"_I know you. I know what will happen."_

_He didn´t know. He might have think that she´ll just move on after he leaves, but he would never even guess what will actually happen._

_The newspaper weren´t very frequent in their house. Father was mostly working on the field and mom… was mom. Brother was lazybones and did nothing. But when father was in the city, he took the newspaper with him. And that night, when he came back and borrowed the papers to him, his heard nearly stopped beating._

'_A family tragedy', the title said. 'A drunken truck driver hit the car where parents and two kids were.' His heart literally stopper beating when he saw the photo. There was Mrs. Kuchiki with Mr. Kuchiki, Byakuya and Rukia, all on the stretchers and with deep wounds. His eyes were fixed on The small figure of thirteen years old girl who had her head bandaged and her arm and leg broken. _

_Rukia._

_It was his little Rukia._

_Since then, his life wasn´t the same. He tried to visit her, but they kept telling him that it might be a big shock for her._

_A memory loss. She lost a part of her memory._

_Maybe she didn´t remember him. Him, of all people. Him._

_Since then, his life wasn´t the same._

Grimmjow slowly opened his eyes. An annoying light was torturing his tired eyes and for once, he was pissed that it wasn´t raining. He spent the whole night very awake and now his head felt like exploding.

He sniffed in the air, narrowing his eyes. He could feel a wonderful smell of a fresh butter and ham. Maybe even eggs. His eyes flew open and his head jerked painfully to his side.

"Good morning, Mr. Sleepy-pants." A huge smile was on the petite doctor´s face as she was eying her a little confused patient. "Orihime told me you didn´t like her toast, so I made you little something." She informed him and grabbed the tray that was settled on the nightstand. Her eyes were sparkling with joy as she laid it on his belly. "It´s been kind of a long time since I cooked, but I hope you´ll enjoy it." She said plainly and sat back on the chair.

Grimmjow stared at her with amazement. That orange-haired chick said she might have not been coming today –

"Well? Will you get to it, or shall I start the session right now?" Rukia asked, still smiling quite calmly.

Nothing happened. He locked his eyes with hers, staring into those two amethyst ponds so intensively it made him feel a bit dizzy. Her smile slowly faded away, and he was enjoying every second of that long moment when it all seemed just like a bad dream. By then, she was already scowling a little. Though it wasn´t an actual frown she had on her beautiful face. She seemed worried. Her deeply concerned eyes were monitoring his carefree, but focused ones. He couldn´t help but smile to himself. _Life´s fuckin irony_.

"Grimmjow?"

He didn´t listen to her words, just her voice. It was a little deeper than before. But still like thousands of sirens singing to him, luring him to their traps. Was Rukia like a trap for him? And was she trying to catch him? He had no idea, and he found himself absolutely careless over this.

Rukia was frozen in the place. She felt like his gaze was pushing the air out of her lungs. She was suffocating. Somewhere deep inside her body, a steel fist was clenching around her weak stomach. And even deeper, somewhere inside her chest, she felt tugging. There was something about… this man, sitting in front of her, with his eyes on her like she was everything that ever mattered to him.

Her notebook disappeared from her hands. It was settled aside as well as the tray with the food. Grimmjow´s hands slid down her arms and he guided her small palms to his neck.

"G-Grimmjow, what are you –"

"Why don´t you…" his voice was raspy, it almost seemed like a wheeze. He was so close. Way too close. She could feel his breath tickling her face. Also she could feel his hands slowly coming down her spine, sending shivers all over her body. "Why don´t you just remember, Rukia…" he whispered, his face just inches away from hers. "Why…"

She shook her head slowly, never breaking the eye contact. "I don´t understand, Grimmjow – let´s – let´s just get back to the way how it was before, okay?" her voice was nearly needy. Still silent, but he heard despair in it. It was shaky. That wasn´t like Rukia at all.

He must have been close.

His hands cupper her face. His nose brushed against hers. "That is exactly what I want," he whispered in a husky voice. "I want you to remember, Rukia. Remember me. Remember…" By now, the petite woman in his arms was shivering like it was under the zero. And it was only him who was making her feel like this. Helpless. Helpless against his spell.

"I don´t know what to remember!" she cried out, trying to push the blue-haired man away. Too close.

"Yes you do," he growled into her face. "Somewhere deep inside, you know exactly what you want to remember; what you need to remember. You know that you´ve seen me before I came here. You must remember Rukia."

"But I can´t!" she yelled suddenly, making him lose his certainty. "I can´t!" she repeated nervously, finally getting rid of his cool embrace. "I do feel something really weird inside, and it´s making me incredibly restless. Since the day I´ve met you I´ve been having strange dreams. I´ve been acting odd. I´ve been… a different Rukia. And it´s worrying me. When I´m with you, it´s like my past life was just a lie and I just can´t take that!"

Her small body collapsed into his arms. He wrapped them around her.

"I just don´t know… what I´m doing anymore…"

His arms started to tighten around her waist. He was squishing her small body in his big strong arms, clenching around her like he would never let her go again. Rukia´s eyes widened at the loss of air and she gasped loudly when her breasts started to ache from the pressure.

"Grimm- Grimmjow, you´re hurting… me –" a coughing cut her off. He got way too violent with her fragile body. "Ugh…" she tried to get some air for the last time before her vision got blurry.

Grimmjow stopped pressing the woman against his heated body. He gently lifted her sleeping body up in his arms and laid down on the bed with Rukia on the top of him. She was light, like the blanket. He could die like this.

This was so perfect.

Together again.

In a perfect silence, like usual.

_I feel my lungs again as someone pulls me out of the water. I feel myself breathing again, but I don´t have the will to open my eyes. I don´t want to know. It must be way too terrible. All I know is that we were going to visit him for his birthday, and that we were driving on some road. My head was aching and Mum wanted to ease the pain._

_She eased it way too much. I felt nothing by now. I was empty like a can of beer._

_I feel my toes again, but I don´t move them. I remember my legs hurt very much, before it all disappeared into darkness._

_I feel my hands and fingers, and being the brave girl I am, I move them. My pointing finger makes a little move – up and back down._

_I open my eyes._

_There´s a young man sitting by my bed._

_My bed?_

"_Rukia?" he says a girl name I don´t recognize at fist. But then it hits me. Mum was calling me the same name before she vanished. 'I can massage it for you, Rukia. It will ease the pain, darling.' Yes. I am Rukia. I am Rukia Kuchiki, I´m thirteen and… and…_

"_Byakuya-nii?" I ask the young man with worried lavender eyes. His face is so beautiful. I wonder if he has a girlfriend?_

_His breath hitches. "Rukia," he whispers too harshly and nervously grabs my hand. "I´m so happy you are awake."_

_I blink. "Where am I?" I ask in confusion. "And what happened?"_

_Byakuya gives me a sad smile. "You´re in a hospital. We were in a car accident. We got hit my a truck driver."_

"_Oh."_

_A minutes of silence pass as I´m staring at my hands. They don´t look like my hands. Not at all. They´re way too pale. Almost purple. I realize I´m on infusion. It feels weird. Some liquid is pouring into my veins and it hurts. It´s foreign. It doesn´t belong into my body. I look at my left hand and see a red liquid mixing with the see-through one._

"_Blood." I announce emotionlessly, my dull eyes moving back to Byakuya. "Do you like blood, Byakuya-nii?" I ask._

_He seems shocked. "W-well, Rukia… blood is very important to human beings, you know?" he says in a businesslike tone._

"_I´m not dumb," I bark quietly, "I know what blood is. I know what blood is. I know…"_

_So much blood. Too much. I remember._

_Mama in blood. Papa in blood._

"_And you, Byakuya-nii? What happened to you?" I ask after realizing I don´t remember Byakuya covered in blood._

_He shakes his head. "I have my left leg broken. But it´s nothing compared to your injuries."_

_I nod slowly. "So… what happened to me?" I ask yet another question._

_He looks away. "Your both legs are broken. But hopefully not that badly. They will heal soon. Your right arm is broken, too, but not very seriously. The worst thing is your head. Your brain. You got hit very badly… and doctors think that you might have lost some memory." He explains everything and looks into my eyes directly. I wonder if my eyes are the same color as his. I wish they were._

"_If my memory´s gone, why do I recognize you?" I wonder aloud._

"_It is just a part of your memory that has been lost," he adds, "they are not sure which part. But they assume it is your childhood you don´t remember."_

_I shake my head._

_Crazy._

_Suddenly, the door of the white room fly open, and there´s a boy standing in them. He looks almost more mature than Byakuya, but Byakuya had always been feminine, yet I still know he can´t be much older than me. Maybe three years? I don´t know. I watch him with wide eyes as I´m shocked why he just pops out of nowhere, right into my room. I look at nii-sama._

"_Rukia!" the stranger yells desperately. "I´m sorry it took so long, but I didn´t know what hospital you were in!"_

_He´s looking at me, still in the doorway. I wonder why is he telling me all this stuff. Honestly, I don´t care._

"_Rukia?" he says my name in a slightly shocked voice. "Rukia, are you there?" he asks such a stupid question and invites himself in. My biggest surprise is that Byakuya-nii isn´t doing anything. Will he just let him… pass?_

"_Of course, silly," I say in an annoyed tone. "And what do you want here? It is my room, though it´s just a makeshift."_

_His eyes go dull. They´re so blue that they make me think of the ocean. He stares at me with a shocked face and I swear I can see his eyes watering._

"_I suggest you leave now," Byakuya speaks up finally. "I´m sure she´ll remember after some time. But she´ll need a little help, which includes your… high tolerance." His eyes are also very concerned._

_I don´t understand anything._

_The blue-eyes boy shakes his head in confusion. "I… I don´t believe this…" he whispers, "I don´t believe this! She can´t forget ME! She can´t forget who I AM! She can´t forget what… what we were!" he´s talking rubbish. I don´t understand a word he says. It´s like he was talking Spanish again._

_Again?_

_I narrow my eyes. "Who are you?" I ask plainly, requiting his deep stare._

_He smiles a little. "I´m –"_

"_Not now." Byakuya´s deep voice interrupts the boy. I look at my big brother. He has a frowning grimace on. "I´d like to ask you to leave now. But I promise I will call you as soon as she get´s better."_

_The boy´s expression suddenly changes. From shock and sadness to wrath and hatred. "That is all I fucking get? A stupid excuse? She´s well enough to talk to me! Or is there a different problem? Do ya think I´m not good enough for yer sister? Ya think that yer better than me?" he´s yelling. I´m scared. He looks like a wild animal that is very very pissed off._

"_I want you to calm down right now." Byakuya says, still calm. "You won´t help her like this." He adds._

"_Rukia is my EVERYTHING! My mother died, my father is killing himself with alcohol, my brother is a bunch of shits and weed! Rukia is the only one I have left!" he continues to talk that talk. I don´t know what he´s talking about._

"_I understand your situation, and I feel with you, but I don´t want to see my sister get worse anyhow. Please, leave right now." Byakuya´s voice is getting firmer._

"_I ain´t leaving before she remembers who I am." The boy says stubbornly._

_He seems familiar._

"_I ain´t leaving EVER again."_

_Some dramatic time passes, he´s yelling the same things over and over, I still don´t get it, and Byakuya still keeps to ask him to leave the room. Then the boy gets all mad and I see a tear running down his left cheek. He says he´s not gonna cry ever again and that he´ll be strong for me. I shiver. It takes some time before three nurses and one doctor come to the room and drag him away._

_Then they change my infusion._

_He seemed familiar._

Rukia woke up with a terrible pounding in her head. Her aching eyes snapped open with shock and she nervously sat up on the bed.

No. This wasn´t her bed. This wasn´t even her room. Or her house.

With a panic in her eyes, she looked to her side where someone was sleeping calmly. She heard steady breathing and peaceful mumbling from the sleep. So slowly she turned over to face the one in her bed – or the one in whose bed she was. He was laying on his side and Rukia had to bend over to see his face. And she had never been so happy seeing Ichigo.

Wait, what?

She screwed her eyes shut and shook her head as much as she could. Then she looked again.

Still Ichigo.

One more time.

Ichigo.

Shit.

Rukia couldn´t remember getting in bed with him. Not at all. She cautiously tried to remember what happened. All she could see in her mind was how she talked to Orihime, asked her to tell Ichigo that she was leaving earlier that day, and then going to visit…

Oh.

She went to visit Grimmjow. That bastard Grimmjow.

"I wonder what happened after we talked," Rukia whispered in annoyance and tried to focus her eyes on some object. It was difficult in the dark, but after few seconds of adjusting to it, she recognized a table, chair and a wardrobe. As silently as she possibly could, assuming that she never saw in the dark well, her foot touched the wooden floor. Shivers came down her spine as she realized that until now, her body was slightly pressed against Ichigo´s, stealing his natural heat. Now that she ran away from the bed, she was cold. The apartment, or house of whatever was cold itself.

What does a girl do in a boy´s apartment when he´s not conscious? Rukia had one of her seconds of insanity and grinned sinisterly. She could do whatever she wanted. For example, she could search through his DVD section, or go to the fridge, look in the photo album. Or she could tangle the shoestrings on his shoes together. And put the TV out of tune. Or hide all his spoons all over the apartment. And put a push-pin on his chair.

Everything sounded just wonderful, but she bravely decided not to do something stupid and childish. She might do something like that to Byakuya. That would be much more fun. Her brother had a wonderful sense of humor, and especially, he had a great sense of getting mad.

Rukia slowly reached the door of the bedroom. As quietly as possible, she opened them and slipped out of the room. And as she was trying to close them again, a hand appeared on her own, startling her to the death. Rukia couldn´t even shriek, that much it scared the crap out of her.

Then the hand slid around her waist and pulled her light body closer to a familiar heat.

Lips just an inch away from hers, a sugar coated voice sent shivers down her spine. Seriously – that voice did things to her.

"Slipping out of the room in the middle of the night, that´s really rude, Rukia," Ichigo purred right next to her ear, making her nearly jump with excitement.

She grinned acidly and pushed his thievish hands away from her hips. "And kidnapping people from hospital is _illegal_." She argued, her voice mixed with a little annoyed tone. Rukia still couldn´t figure out how she got in here, and it was highly irritating her that she – no matter how hard she tried – just wouldn´t remember a single thing. All she had were those creepy dreams she didn´t remember very well, too.

Yet she just knew something was about to happen very soon. Just wasn´t sure what.

But it always started either with Grimmjow or Ichigo.

Ichigo scowled and let go of her, turning around and slamming his fist against the wall. "That bastard Jaegerjaquez was all over you when I came." He growled in very obvious anger, making Rukia fear him slightly. His other hand was twitching, fingers wrapping and unwrapping, the hand balling into fist and probably hurting to hit something. Rukia nervously grasped her own hand.

Ichigo turned back to her and grabbed her shoulders, shaking the already-scared doctor. "Rukia, don´t you freaking know the rules? You can´t do things like that. You´re not fuckin supposed to get in bed with your patient. It´s _banned_. Let alone that you fell asleep in there."

Rukia blinked. "I what?" she barked back at him, not sure if he was just jealous over nothing or if he was making fun of her. Or if he was serious. That would be problem.

Ichigo growled. "You heard me. You fell asleep in Grimmjow´s room, in Grimmjow´s bed. I don´t know how long it was before I came, but when I did, it seemed like he was just about to…" he stopped to take a deep breath. She looked really shocked. Her deep violet eyes were wide with fear and dull with shock. Ichigo tightened his grasp on her shoulders, his nails digging in her alabaster white skin. "Don´t you the hell remember?" he nearly yelled at her and shook with her small body again.

A quiet and almost unnoticeable whimper escaped her lips. "Ichigo…" she wheezed with big eyes, her hands slowly going numb. "Ichigo," she repeated when he didn´t react to her words. "You´re hurting me," she whispered and looked at his convulsively holding hands. His knuckles were turning white.

His face muscled suddenly changed as he snapped back into reality. "Ow," he mumbled, looking at Rukia like he just saw her for the first time. He looked as much surprised and shocked as she did. His eyes changed; the creepy cold goldness disappeared and was replaced by the usual warm hazel color coated with dark honey. They were different. He was suddenly different. Rukia thought of the first moment she saw his eyes like this; it was the night before, when they were in the pool together.

Ichigo blinked in surprise.

"Oh, R-Rukia!" he exclaimed and immediately let go of her shoulders. Red crescents appeared where his nails dug in. His jaw dropped when he realized what just happened. "Rukia, I´m – I´m so sorry – I didn´t mean to –" he was staring at her shoulders in absolute shock. Like it wasn´t him just few seconds ago. Rukia felt pretty much the same; she couldn´t understand what just happened.

Even though her hands were automatically pushing him away, he wrapped his arms around her and buried his nose in her neck. His hands were rapidly stroking her back up and down, rubbing at the cold skin beneath his hot palms. Rukia figured out he was trying to get rid of her undershirt, but wasn´t sure if she was in the mood for this right now. On the other hand, Ichigo seemed very convinced about what he wanted in that moment.

"Rukia, I didn´t want to," he moaned in shaky voice, leaving the woman unsure whether it was a moan of pain of pleasure. She wasn´t fighting back anymore, just let him roam his hands over her skin. But she wasn´t getting excited; at all. This wasn´t Ichigo. Not the one she knew.

Ichigo´s lips ghosted over her neck, pressing lightly against the spot under her ear. She thought she´d probably gasp in pleasure, but she didn´t make a single sound. Her hands were laid on his broad shoulders. She wouldn´t move. Ichigo was doing enough for the both of them. He even did enough moaning for the both of them. Gasping like a madman, he continued to kiss her milky skin, making his way from her neck to her hurt shoulders. There he stopped.

"Sorry," he whispered so quiet she almost didn´t hear it. Then his tongue darted out of his mouth to soothe the damaged skin. The tip of his tongue gently touched the bloody crescents, slowly brushing against them. Rukia had to do her best to stay silent; she couldn´t help herself, it just hurt. He wasn´t helping at all. She thought if he was even there.

Raining butterfly kissed all over her arms, he kneeled down. Still he was almost at her breast level. Which was probably his plan. He hugged her closely to him and inhaled. Then he stood up, with her in his big arms. In the next moment, Rukia found herself thrown onto the bed, with Ichigo falling on her full-weight. She gasped for the air, but only made him think she was enjoying it.

He continued his way down her body, stopping by her lower belly to kiss it. Again and again. He was brushing his lips against her perfectly flat stomach until she was shivering; and Rukia nearly started to cry when she realized it wasn´t from the cold anymore. She felt like she was about to burn. Her skin was itching for his touch. Her goddamn body betrayed her. She pressed her thighs together and could feel the certain wetness spilled into her panties. The fabric was soaking wet, she could tell.

Damn, this was bad. She shouldn´t be getting… in such a state.

Ichigo´s tongue filled her belly button, twirling inside until her belly muscles went all tensed. She felt like she´ll explode inside. A steel hand was clenching inside her lower belly. It felt insufferable. His hands were still trying to push her pants down. She was trying to prevent this. No use. He undid to button and unzipped the jeans, pushing them down her hips. Oh, how much she wanted to kick him.

His teeth brushed against the hem of her pink panties.

"Wait –" she gasped in shock. No. He couldn´t possibly be about to – "Ichigo, stop it!" she shrieked in despair and used her small weakened hands to push his head away. He seemed to absolutely ignore her. The hem of her panties was already safely locked between his teeth and he didn´t look like stopping it anytime soon.

"Gonna do what I want," he murmured into the fabric, slowly moving south, pulling the panties down as he was crawling back. Rukia whimpered desperately and shut her knees together, only to have Ichigo part them violently. Her panties were by her knees when he suddenly stopped. "Look who´s complaining," he smirked, "the one who´s horny as hell, right, Rukia?" he grumbled and with an animalistic expression took the wet-soaked fabric into his mouth, moaning madly as he pulled then down completely.

With the pink piece of cloth still in his mouth, he grinned wildly at her. He finally decided to put them away. Rukia was laying on the bed beneath his, her hands nervously grasping the sheets, her eyes still wide with fear; now maybe even wider, if it was possible.

"I´m gonna have every piece of you, Rukia," he growled spreading her thighs open.

Rukia cried out and tried to fight back, cross her legs and make him stop, or at least stop looking, but everything was useless. He wasn´t there anymore. Ichigo changed into a crazy wild beast craving for her. His head disappeared from her sight, and that was when the world stopped for Rukia.

It was weird. Everything was so weird. For a certain moment, she felt like crying, laughing, cursing and blessing all at once. She felt like a child and like a walking dead, like a fresh water and like a dry sand. So many thoughts going through her head before, but as his tongue touched her, it all vanished. Her legs stopped fighting his hands pinning them down. She stopped all that struggling and practically blacked out.

It was all so dizzy, like she had been drinking too much.

All was so far away. Like when Ichigo was digging his fingers and tongue into her, everything was going black, and suddenly turning white. Like when he ran his tongue up and down, the world was slowly fading into dark. Warm feelings were filling her belly, her blood was boiling and her body felt weak. She felt carefree. And nervous in one, like she was a virgin doing this for the very first time.

But it didn´t last for ever. There was some pain, and Rukia slightly noticed Ichigo was on the top of her again. But her vision was blurry.

She wasn´t sure how long it lasted, but she knew it wouldn´t be much longer than three minutes. Maybe even less than three minutes. There was a lot of blackness before her eyes, a lot of sounds muffed by the droning in her head, a lot of moans and gasps and pants she wasn´t sure if they were hers or Ichigo´s. A lot of sweat and maybe even cries. But she didn´t notice anything more.

If she died, she probably wouldn´t notice at all.

But when she opened her eyes again, with her vision still blurry, she saw Ichigo looking down at her.

His eyes were bright gold.

_Watch out. He´ll be watching you. Closely._

_Because…_

_You belong to him._

_xOxOxOxOxOx _

**Phew. I did it.**

**Confusing? Ok, babes, if you thought that Ichi´s gonna be the good guy… damn wrong. Nothing near it.**

**Ow, and I already decided what will be his freaky-ness! Mehehehe!**

**Ok, if you want to know why I´m updating SO LATE (sorry, I´m really sorry!)… I have a puppy. Yup. And she´s keeping me away from my laptop. But I kind of had a little writer´s block. Nothing serious, really, just wasn´t in the right mood for writing.**

**Last thing I have on my mind is a GIANT thanks for everyone who reviewed. Really, guys, you keep me writing! I´m PMing everyone who reviews, so you guys know how much I love you.**

**~Luv ya ´ll + review, mah babes! =3 **


	6. Of Monster and Man

**6****th**** chapter**

**Of course I know. About that 'cleansing' stupidity. I don´t want to accept it, but it´s probably the truth.**

**But that won´t stop me from updating. I won´t stop until my story is deleted. Like it or not, I´m gonna enjoy my last days on ffn. **

**Btw, those reviews made me laugh; 'Bleeeeeeh' =D ok, but that´s just how I do it; I make people sick. Yeah. Mind sick.**

**Just few words from the desperate author who doesn´t want her story to be erased; IF YOU FREAKING DON´T LIKE VIOLENCE AND SEX THEN DON´T STICK YOUR GODDAMN KID´S NOSES INTO M-RATED SECTION. We have warnings everywhere, so you have no freaking reason or RIGHT to tell the admins on us. We did nothing wrong. **

**And you, goddamn mothers, watch your freaking kids more properly!**

**("There you go Mum, another reason why I don´t wanna have kids.")**

**Enjoy =) (until you can) **

Rukia´s eyes were unusually dull that day. She woke up in the morning with a pounding in her head and big stomachache. Thinking of whether she´ll be able to get out of the beg without puking or not, her sight was exploring the room she fell asleep in – and the night before magically appeared in. It wasn´t much different to what it looked like during the night. It was just somewhat brighter. She was a little surprised to see that Ichigo´s room is so… _boyish_. Hell, there was a skateboard in the corner of the room.

She closed her eyes again. What the hell has happened yesterday? Her whole body hurt like she´s been though a salad spinner. But mostly it was her head. And at the top of that all, she felt ridiculously weak. She had no doubts that if she actually tried to stand up, her knees would give up. Even raising her hand and stretching it out felt like a superhuman task. Let alone getting dressed up and then hurry home.

Rukia´s eyes snapped open in total shock. Home. Byakuya. She didn´t come home yesterday.

Dammit!

Suddenly the doctor forgot about everything that was bothering her. She jumped out of the bed like she was never lying on it and ran across the small bedroom, slamming the sliding door open so hard it made a creaking noise. Not bothering with dressing up, she ran downstairs just in some kind of over-sized white shirt, not even sure where she was running. But according to the smell, she was rushing towards the kitchen.

Rukia stopped in the doorway, monitoring the situation with her big violet eyes. The kitchen was empty as the can of beer standing on the kitchen sink. But there was a plate of scrambled eggs on the bar, still hot from the pan. Rukia wondered when exactly Ichigo left. Or if he still was in the house. But with the next thing she spotted she realized he must have been away for some time. Ichigo left her a note.

_Dear Rukia, _it said, _I hope you enjoyed yourself last night. But you sounded like you did. Anyways, I made eggs for you, so feel free to take it. Feel free to take anything you like. If you´re standing by the bar, turn over and in the cabinet above your head are some painkillers. Right next to it are sweets and coffee. The rest you might need is probably in the bathroom. And if you need any clothes, just borrow mine. I had your clothes cleaned. They shall be done with it by this afternoon. I´m off to work, so I won´t be coming till 4pm. But when I do, I´m gonna give all of my time to you ;)_

_Love,_

_Ichi._

Rukia was staring at the letter, kind of speechless.

First off, it´s a… what day it was again? It must have been a work day, and if it wasn´t she was supposed to go to work, anyway. _Grimmjow´s gonna freak out_. Ok, so it was a work day for Rukia – and he just let her sleep till… till… Rukia nervously looked at the oven and gasped in shock. It was eleven thirty. Why the hell was she sleeping so much, anyways? And he let her! He´s her boss! He should be… bossing her around! Not letting her sleep like she had nothing to do.

Then, was he actually permitting to do whatever she wanted in his house while he was away? It was his house, right? He shouldn´t be letting random girls stay in there just like that. Though Rukia kind of felt that she wasn´t just some kind of a 'random girl'. But it was still weird. He let her sleep here, stay here and now he was letting her even take the painkillers he had in a cabin above her head or take stuff from his bathroom or borrow his clothes. He was practically telling her to make herself comfortable like it was her own apartment.

And then… did he add a smiley at the end of the letter?

After some time of stunned silence, Rukia sighed, like usual. Lately she was sighing all the time. She had her reasons.

Her body moved slowly to the little bar. It was opposite to the kitchen sink and completed the house interior perfectly. It was hard to believe, but even guys had a sense of style. And not just gays. Because Rukia highly doubted Ichigo would be a gay.

She sat on the bar chair and stuck a fork into the plate, dumbly playing with the prepared food. She was not into eggs anyhow. She didn´t like them since she found out how the hens lived. Not that she wasn´t hungry in the moment; actually, she was starving, but wasn´t sure if her stomach would accept the food, let alone let it stay in. Therefore, she decided to stare at the plate like a goat and wait until the eggs turned cold.

A sweet idea, but she had to man up. In her case, more likely, woman up.

She sloppily stood up and opened the cabin where the painkillers were supposed to be. First thing that hit her eyes was a little white box with a sign written with Ichigo´s neat handwriting. It said very simply just "painkillers". Next to all those other little boxes with various pills she never saw before, her hand immediately reached out and grabbed the little box.

Rukia started to unpack it, trying to ignore the little state of nausea, and noticed that it had a little note on the other side.

"_Takes effect a little longer, but is the best you can get. Best to lay down and wait."_

She sighed. Oh well. Since this was Ichigo´s idea…

xOxOxOxOxOx

_Aphrodisiac._

_A food or drug exciting sexual desire._

Ichigo was staring at the cold and lifeless monitor of his laptop, sitting in the office chair in his office comfortably, a scowl on his handsome face.

He felt like he had ate a whole packet of it. And the photo on his screen wasn´t making him feel better at all. He´s downloaded it from Rukia´s facebook page just few days ago; it was relatively new. Her best friend Nanao probably took a photo of her when she was sleeping. On that photo was Rukia, her face much less worried than usual, her lips slightly parted and dressed in nothing but a pink camisole. He won it over just before Rukia made Nanao delete it.

He took a deep breath before closing his eyes.

Rukia was making him crazy. She was pushing him past the line of insanity. Her giant iris eyes, her delicate lips, her fragile shoulders and alabaster arms, her slim waist and pale mile long legs – everything he ever wanted – and only to himself. No one else could have her. She was his. She was _supposed_ to be his. His breath hitched when he remembered last night. _So ridiculously perfect_, he thought. Not just perfect; marvelous, magical, incredible, unthinkable, lively, fierce – she was everything he wasn´t. She stole everything he had lost. She was familiar, yet he didn´t know her at all. Sure, he´s been watching her from the moment she attended the university, he´s known every of her craving, he was familiar with her day routine, he knew exactly what she was about to do, but he could not see what was she thinking in that little head of hers, he could not feel what she felt, he could not guess how she felt about him.

And even though he had fucked her last night, so raw and passionate like never before, his libido wasn´t satisfied. He had it all; but wanted more. He _had_ to have more of her. Otherwise he´d probably explode. Even when he was leaving the bed in the morning, he was thinking of making love to her in her sleep. Or maybe simply jerking off, looking at her flawless sleeping form. Now, sitting in his office, his body was burning up with unimaginable want for the petite woman in his house. He couldn´t even think of anything else; a file with papers he was supposed to take care of was laying right in front of him, but it was unthinkable to work on them right now. His mind was clouded and his vision blurred, and all he could think of was Rukia gasping and panting under his body.

_Just few more hours_… he said to himself and tried to keep his breath steady, occasionally taking deep inhales to calm down.

In few hours he´d come home. And she´d be there, waiting and wanting and yearning and eager. She´d _plead_ him to do it all again.

xOxOxOxOxOx

Rukia took three painkillers and swallowed them all in one time. She was very used to take more pills than one and swallow them quickly.

But since it was supposed to take effect in few hours (that was what she expected to be some time), she decided to go upstairs and get changed for work. She´s not a baby anymore, right? It´s not like she needs to lay down and drink a hot tea to pull herself together. She´ll be perfectly ok on her own. And if she´s working, she´ll forget about her nausea as though she never had one.

Running upstairs – and somewhere by the fifth step realizing it would be much better if she slowed down – Rukia entered the bedroom again. She looked around it to see where her clothes were, but her sight seemed to be still a little blurry. Or the clothes simply weren´t there.

Then she remembered; the letter Ichigo left her said he had them cleaned. And instructed her to borrow something.

Rukia suspiciously walked towards the high wardrobe and looked at it. This would be weird if she´d meet him it the work. Actually, it would be weird if she met anyone in the work. She just hoped Orihime would be somewhere with the other nurses, Tia busy working and anybody else far far away. Though she wasn´t sure why she was worrying this much, anyway. She´ll be visiting Grimmjow, so…

Oh, who cares what that bastard thinks. She just needed information. He was most likely the only one who´d tell her honestly what happened last night.

She started searching through the wardrobe for something less… loose, and came across a pair of tight skinny jeans. Yeah, she´ll look like a total idiot, but at least she´s not going to the work naked. Hopefully, her underwear stayed by the bed, probably still on the same place like the last night where Ichigo tossed it. She tried those jeans on and critically looked at herself in the mirror. Yup, totally ridiculous. At least people will laugh thanks to her.

Rukia stuffed the legs into her socks (that probably as the only thing stayed on her yesterday) and thought what kind of shoes was she wearing yesterday. She highly doubted she could borrow Ichigo´s boots. Now she looked even stupider, but she shook her head in dismiss and pulled the over-sized shirt over her head, tossing it aside. She found probably a shrunk t-shirt in almost her size, red colored. She didn´t like red, but put it on anyways. This was a state of crisis.

As she thought before – at least it´ll make people happy. To see the wonderful Kuchiki walking around the hospital dressed like a hooker who likes to rap in her free time. Seriously… why Ichigo even has this stuff in his house?

Searching through the wardrobe for anything else she could put on, her hands collided with a small steel box.

Interesting. A small box inside a wardrobe? Rukia could smell a secret – and that was what she´s been into since she was fifteen.

Excitement playing in her eyes, she took the box out and settled it in her lap, sitting down comfortably. She was a little surprised by seeing that it wasn´t locked, or protected anyhow; secrets were always somewhat more complicated. But her almost childish excitement didn´t disappear. She found herself grinning with no reason, her heart beating way too wildly and her blood rushing through her veins. She opened the little box in her lap and almost threw the cover aside, not bothering with being at least a little bit cautious.

What she found made her squeal with happiness.

More letters. More secret letters. Also some drawings, it seemed, and few articles from books and science magazines.

Rukia grabbed everything that was in the box in her hands and approached the bed, laying it down on the sheets. She herself jumped on the bed next to it and started with explorations. First it wasn´t so interesting. Just few letters from – probably – Ichigo´s friends and family. She smiled at the little funny drawings made by girl signed as Yuzu, who probably was Ichigo´s sister. She smiled even more when she saw a small drawing of a very irritated girl with a note 'Karin says hi'. Rukia wondered if she´ll ever get to meet Ichigo´s family. Or if his family was still living somewhere nearby.

She settled the few letters aside, looking at the articles. They weren´t interesting that much – nothing she didn´t know. One of them was about split personality, another of how to deal with an autistic child, one about automatic writing. She looked at that. It said that automatic writing is possible only due to a connection with an astral form of a person, or with a ghost. Or a demon. Also it said that people able to do the automatic writing were in a big danger because of it, because you never know what the other person wants.

She threw the articles towards the letters. They landed somewhere by her stretched leg.

Next thing that caught her attention was a drawing. Small one, but very real and beautiful. Mountains with a tiny river and a blue sunny sky. Done with color pencils. She smiled a little. _1997, Ichigo K_. _In der Schlucht strömt ein reißender Fluss__._ She couldn´t speak a single word in German, but she figured out it was something about the river. Fluss means river.

Still smiling, she caressed the small drawing. And as if nosy, she turned the small piece of paper around.

Her smile froze.

It was the very same picture; mountains, river, sun, sky. Yes. Just… there were some kind of change. It was red and black, the sun was straightforwardly dripping with blood. The river was bloody too, and the green green grass was dead and black and white. Rukia was staring at the paper in confusion. Was she seeing things? She turned it over in her hands again; seeing the same picture as ten seconds ago the beautiful landscape full of sun. Then she repeated the action and saw that… massacre.

Okay. Anyone can draw creepy things. That´s definitely okay.

She put the drawing away and took another one. She stopped at this; there was a guy looking like younger Ichigo, the small portrait was signed with Ichigo´s name. _Hast du es getan, oder dein Bruder?_ Rukia wondered how Ichigo was when he draw that. It was a perfect copy, a flawless self-portrait. And when she looked at the other side, it was just white; with no creepy second version.

Looking at another paper, she saw another letter.

Or, more likely, very bad handwriting not Ichigo´s at all. Ichigo was precious while writing. This was mess, like he was doing it with blindfold.

_Sehr geehrte Ichigo, Ich muss Sie warnen. Ich bin immer noch Ausspionieren von Ihnen. Ich bin immer noch hier. Vielleicht haben Sie nicht sehr gut erinnern, aber ich tue. Ich erinnere mich an alles. Du nahmst meine alles. Aufsaugen mich. Sie zerreißen mir das Herz. Sie meinen Tod verursacht. Sie waren stärker, warst du der König. Aber ich möchte Sie wissen, dass ich zurück sein und ich nehme, was mir gehört._

Damn, she should have paid attention in the German classes.

Few more German letters passed by as she searched through the box. Seriously, besides few drawings, nothing interesting.

The only thing that caught her attention was a small piece of paper with a sign '_Sie wird zu mir gehören_'. It was red, as everything that gave her chills from the box. She put everything back in and sighed, still sitting on the bed.

She did love secrets. Since she was fifteen. She loved the excitement she felt while trying to find out.

The only thing she couldn´t put up with was the last part; realizing that it would be much better if she never found out.

Rukia again sighed and went back downstairs. She didn´t bother with the bathroom routine. Not now. If she saw a toilet, she´d probably throw up. Instead, her legs moved almost robotically and she suddenly appeared in the kitchen again. Just in a case, she took the painkillers with her, throwing it into her purse. She didn´t even realized she should be surprised that it´s on the kitchen units. The smell of the cold eggs made her feel even worse.

One last glance towards the inside of the house. Will she come back? And how is she supposed to act around Ichigo, anyway? She shook her head.

"Like it or not, baby," she whispered to herself, slipping into her shoes, "I´m going to find out. About you. About everything."

Quickly, she left the house. She looked like a total idiot, in those fancy jeans and red t-shirt. At least she had her very own black jacket. Oh, how stupid she must have looked in that outfit. But she didn´t care. The only thing on her mind was the image from before. Bloody valley and a lots of German language. For some reason, she thought of second world war.

Hopefully, besides bewildered gazes of the other passengers on the bus, she got safely to the suburb where the hospital stood. She literally sighed in relief when the creepy and extremely awkward time finally passed and she got out of the bus full of startled people. Seriously… no more falling asleep in stranger´s house. Ok, Ichigo maybe wasn´t a stranger, but… no more falling asleep in a house of somebody that has the urge to be way too welcoming and polite, when it comes to taking care of unexpected guests. And… no more falling asleep in somebody´s house you don´t even know well. Or not so well as you´ve thought. If Rukia wasn´t scared someone would see her, she´s slap herself. Really hard.

She looked at the baroque building surrounded with old hornbeams. Damn, how happy she was to see the boring and somewhat somber building. Sometimes you figure out how much you love something in an absolutely ridiculous moment.

Taking the lift to her floor, she felt a little like James Bond. She was creeping through the hospital corridors, jumping at every little noise she heard. And when she reached her office and sighed happily –

"Aw, Miss Kuchiki!"

A flash flied though her head and she nearly fainted. No. Not now. Please, let this be just a bad dream…

"I´m so glad you´re here today! I´ve gathered all the information you wanted and made a life for you. And I also looked at Grimmjow´s file with your notes and looked up something in the books. I think you are right with the theory of a –"

"Wonderful, Orihime!" Rukia sang in a painful tone and grabbed the girl´s arm, dragging her into the office. "Thank you so much. Thank you for collecting the information in books, though I´m a PhD. and Dr. and Mgr. and have all the theoretical knowledge of psychiatry I need – thank you so much for finding the time for doing this for me!" she felt like bursting out in tears. Or laugh. She felt like her belly is going to tear.

Orihime blinked several times, probably not sure about Rukia´s obvious sarcasm. Orihime never understood her boss´s sarcastic notes or spicy talk. But they still learned to work together. "Okay," the red-haired girl smiled goofily and went across the small office to get the file she made especially for Rukia. "Here it is…" she mumbled, "I divided it into three parts – theoretical, practical and fiction. There are also links for another books with there topics. Oh, and Grimmjow´s file is here, I added few appointments made by Dr. Halibel and Dr. Ciffer – umm… Miss Kuchiki, what are you wearing?"

Rukia nearly jumped out of the window. So Orihime noticed.

Well of course she noticed. How would she not notice, being the girl who always had the perfect dress for the moment, perfect outfit for everything. Rukia was scowling deeply, staring out of the window like her eyeballs were pinned to the glass. She was thinking of a really good answer for Orihime´s question.

"Oh, you know, last night our boss raped me and stole my clothes, so I borrowed something from his wardrobe this morning, and then I found out he´s drawing brutal pictures." OK, she didn´t actually said that, but it was one of the options she was thinking of. Though she really quickly waved it away.

"Well," she mumbled slowly, "I… kind of… ehm… accidentally left all my clothes in the washing machine and now I… I had to… borrow my brother´s clothes." That sounded much better than being raped by her boss, right? She was sure Orihime will buy that.

The girl blinked. "Oh," she smiled with a surprised expression in her young face, "I see. Okay."

Rukia could just imagine the scenario; Orihime gossiping with the other nurses about Rukia´s poor sense of fashion. And her dear Tia popping in, yelling at them to get the heck to the work. Tia actually used to be a nurse, too, before she went back to the collage and happened to be a doctor. That was what Rukia adored about her; Tia was already thirty-five but never gave up on her dream, though she´s started as a unneeded nurse who´s biggest problem was a drooling patient chasing butterflies in the room. No. She didn´t stayed on that level. She reached for the stars, went back to school, got a PhD. and Mgr. and became one of the most appreciated doctors of this asylum. And now she´s been working here for four years. And to Rukia, the tall blonde woman seemed happy. She didn´t complained much, it was an actual success to make her talk at all, but when she did, she was always mumbled things like she´s very happy in her work and that she´s met someone and so on.

"Yeah." Rukia mumbled nervously, looking towards the door, hoping Orihime will get the hint.

She didn´t. Instead, she sat down on the tiny sofa by the left side of the office and yawned loudly. "I was wondering, Miss Kuchiki," Orihime smiled. Rukia scowled. That girl was smiling all the time, like not even one freaking thing was wrong in the world. Rukia felt really sick by now, but she somehow blamed the painkillers. They might have had some side effects. "How was your day off? Did you enjoy yourself?" the nurse asked with that annoying smile, making Rukia snap back to the reality.

The tiny doctor shook her head to get rid of the head ache. "I was fine, thank you," she replied automatically, "but yesterday I must have eaten something wrong or old… so today please excuse if I look and act weird…" she muttered tiredly and sat back into the chair. She moaned happily as her back practically sank into the material.

Orihime shook her head, too. "No, no, that´s okay Miss Kuchiki. You work so hard I´m really surprised that you´re even still alive."

Rukia grinned in melancholy. "Are you? Why is that, Orihime? Don´t you know about hard work? And about sleepless nights? About days you can´t come out and see the sun light, let alone feel the wind caressing your skin because you have to work? Don´t you know?" Rukia´s face darkened. She found herself falling back into the chair, her palm covering her face. She was going crazy. She was about to die. She was about to laugh and dance and have a pizza with her assistant. She was about to stab a knife into her own throat. "Of course – how could you know?" she mumbled, trying to suppress the tears. "How the hell could you know when everyone has always been giving everything you´ve ever wanted to you for free?" she was nearly yelling by now. "How the hell could you know about it all!"

Orihime was staring at the woman she´s always admired the most with shocked eyes slowly filling with tears. She was just about to collapse and burst out yelling apologies and crying, when she noticed Rukia hiding her face beneath her pale hands. Orihime´s own despair faded away as she was the doctor´s tiny shoulders shaking uncontrollably.

She came closer and petted Rukia´s head. "There, there, Miss Kuchiki. It´ll be alright. ´ll be alright. You can tell me, right? We´re colleagues and share secrets and have girl talks – please, Miss Kuchiki, you can count on me. I can help you sort this out - "

"No, Orihime, you just can´t get it. I´ve never had anything in my whole goddamn life. And if I had, I don´t remember it. You see, one day we were driving and a truck driver hit our car. My parents died. I lost a part of my memory. And then my brother was taking care of me until I grew up and totally screwed up my entire life! How the hell could you know about something like that!" She was weeping by now. Whimpers and sobs were shaking her body like hurricanes. Tears were running down her flushed cheeks. She felt so pathetic.

"Miss Kuchiki – " Orihime tried to approach the sobbing doctor, but didn´t dare to touch her. She just stood close to her.

"Just look at me, Orihime! I´m sitting in my freaking office, crying like a baby, while you´re looking at me thinking I´m crazy! Tell you what? Maybe I fucking am crazy. But I deal with it! You perfect little girls would just sit and cry until a fucking prince would come to save your slutty asses! Only I have to FIGHT it all! Only I have to deal with everything! No one ever helps me, no one ever caresses my head, no one ever tells me I´ll be fine – cause no one fucking cares!" her face was hidden behind her palms. Orihime couldn´t see her face, but she bet it was all flushed and wet from crying. Her nose was probably reddened and her big violet eyes sore.

The orange-haired girl came closer and dared to extend her hand and pet Rukia´s shoulder. "Miss Kuchiki, I want you to know that I think of you as of the most impressive woman I´ve ever met – I want you to know that… sometimes, every one has a bad day. I have them, too. I know it so well. But bad days will end, you know?" she smiled at the crying woman before her, hoping she´ll feel better soon.

Rukia looked up from her hands to the girl. She chuckled in pain. "And what if my goddamn life is bad? Will it end, too? Do I have to die to get rid of these feelings?"

"Well, I think that you –"

"Oh, FUCKING HELL!" Rukia shrieked, tilting her head backwards. "Now I´m having a session with my ASSISTANT! FUCK IT ALL, WHAT AM I THINKING!"

"Miss Kuchiki, I feel very bad for you –"

Rukia stood up fiercely. "No Orihime, you don´t have a damn clue about it! You don´t know how I feel, you can´t see how I´m dying inside. You can´t see my inner world build of broken dreams. You freaking don´t know how to feel bad for me! You don´t know about my life! So don´t CATCH ME WHEN I FALL!" she was yelling by now. So much to take and not enough strength. She felt like fading into death.

Rukia whimpered for the very last time, but in a second, stopped everything.

"I don´t need your pity," she growled in a dangerously low voice. "I appreciate it, but who the hell you think I am to need someone´s PITY?"

And again, she left Orihime speechless and staring as she walked out of the office towards the lift. She got in, scaring all the other passengers away. They all got out of the lift when she came in.

"I feel so sick…" Rukia whined and kneeled down, hiding her face in her hands. The lift started to move upwards.

She lay down on the cold floor. It felt oh, so good against her burning skin.

"SICK!" the doctor cried out, balling into a fetal position. "Sick, sick, sick, sick, sick, sick! I´m SO SICK!"

And then, her mind was waved away as the lift went on.

_I feel Ichigo´s hands on my shoulders. He´s squeezing too hard. So hard it hurts. And he´s yelling at me. I don´t know what did I do so wrong. Is he about to beat me up? I don´t know. I don´t care. His nails dig in my skin and slid inside until I bleed. I feel my skin burning. It hurts so much. And Ichigo isn´t stopping. His eyes are turning gold slowly, like that first night, in the pool. I feel like dying. Maybe he´ll kill me, anyway._

_I ask him to stop. I´m about to burst out in tears._

_Suddenly, he´s different. He´s shocked. Like he never did anything bad to me. Like he just saw me for the first time. No. This is not my Ichigo. He´s not the man I´ve had crush on since I came to the hospital looking for a job. He´s probably not even there. He´s telling me lies; he´s apologizing, telling me it wasn´t him. He says he has no idea how it happened. He thinks I believe him. He thinks I buy it. And I´m dying slowly in his hands._

_His lips are like swords piercing my skin. With every butterfly kiss he pressed onto my body, I want to cry out in pain. Every time he caresses my cold and almost frozen flesh, I feel like he´s trying to tear my skin and muscles off from my bones with an emery paper. Every time he touches me I feel like he´s stubbing out a cigarette on my very skin. It seems to me that he´s destroying me with everything he has, and that I´m not strong enough to stop him. I feel so ridiculously weak. I´m pathetic human being. I´m unable to run away from a monster._

_And then I suddenly feel something else. It´s in my most intimate parts. It´s warm and slick and smooth. It´s tainting me, my purity and my pride. It´s sliding up and down and I want it to go away and leave me alone. But I can´t held myself. I can´t even help it. My body is arching, my stomach feels like exploding and my head stopped working with me. I can´t think clearly. I can´t see anymore. My eyes are closed, and I feel so so warm. That weird feeling is spreading through my body, and I´m shaking uncontrollably. My legs are struggling, I´m struggling, I´m trying to fight it but I´m still pressing myself against it. I want it all, even though I know I will lost more. I want more and more and more. I want to have it for ever, until he´ll kill me. Until this kills me. I want it so much._

_And then it stops, like it never happened. And I feel even weaker. I can´t hold still. My legs can´t stay up. My knees are shaky. I can´t look up or lift a hand. I want to sleep, to stay awake, to dance, to lay down, to have a bath, to stay dry, to swim in the sea and to sunbathe. I want to live and to die, I want to cry and to laugh. It´s over. Now the death is to come. _

_I feel Ichigo press the tip of his dick against my entrance, but I can´t see anything. My vision is blurry. I can´t see at all. _

_He pushes inside like I´m not even there, like he can´t see me, too. He pushes inside like I´m nothing to him, like he doesn´t care about my pain. He pushes inside and I feel myself dying, little by little, and I feel the blood dripping down to the snow white sheets, rolling down my bare ass. It´s coming out of me. He doesn´t care. He doesn´t care that he´s tearing me open, he doesn´t care that I´m crying, he just continues. Goes on. Keeps doing that. _

_He´s made preparations. Or so it seems. My ass is shifted, because I´m so small compared to him. I have two pillows under my lower back, to match the level of his hips with mine. The rest of my body is pressed against the wall behind the bed. My legs are weak, leaned on his broad shoulders, but shaken off every time he thrusts in. He´s holding them by ankles, and it seems to me that it´s making him feel even more victorious. He won. He won? Did I lost then? I don´t like it when I lose. But he goes on, so I guess I did, after all. _

_The blood stops running down my skin. I don´t bleed anymore. Or maybe I already died. Ichigo haven´t stopped yet. He´s not done with me. He´s watching my flushed face, but he can´t see me. He´s watching me cry and doesn´t mind. He´s watching my pain and still keeps doing it. His eyes are the color of waterfall of liquid gold. They always turn this color when he does that. I watch his eyes and he watches mine, but though I´m the one who can´t see, he´s the one who can´t feel. I feel him. He sees me. I want to die and he wants to suck my life. I want to live on and he wants to keep pushing me under the surface. I want to kill him and he wants to get back from the death to take me with him._

_He speeds up. I cry out. His thrust are more erratic than before; he´s killing me more passionately. He wants to kill more of me, as it seems. I cry more and he speeds more. I cry with despair and he thrusts and pushes in and pulls out with more anxiousness. His eyes are glowing. His chest his covered with sweat. I smell the heavy husky smell and I feel even more sick. I feel the small crescents of blood on my shoulders burn up. He´s the reason. I feel my insides being torn into pieces and he´s the reason. I feel my stomach being pierced with unimaginable pain. He´s the reason of it all. He´s the reason why I suffer. He pushes in and kills me. He pulls out and gives my life back to me. He pushes in and pulls out. And in the end, it seems like he´s doing it only to repeat my pain. He pushes in and pulls out only to give me more of the sweet suffering. He´s bringing be back to life only to kill me again._

_I´m dead. He filled me with some sort of poison and stayed in. Collapsed in my arms. On my chest. I can´t breathe. He killed me. _

_He stays in for another thousand years, until he dies too. He joins me in the death, just like planned. _

_Then I feel my life come back to me; he pulls out. Rolls off. My body is free but my mind is dead. I feel empty. I feel sacrificed._

_I´m dead._

_He laughs and looks at me._

"_Sterben…"_

Rukia slowly stood up, pressing two fingers against her temples. Her head was pounding. Her stomach was burning. Her loins were boiling.

"Sick…" she gasped as she was walking by the white bleached wall.

xOxOxOxOxOx

Grimmjow was staring at the ceiling, wondering if she´d come today. He was worried. Worried that she wouldn´t come. After all, yesterday he had made it very clear that he wanted her to himself. And Kurosaki wasn´t quite cool with that.

In fact, he was freaking out. When he came in and saw them, him and his precious little Rukia, he looked like he´ll kill him soon. His face was one big scowl, his fiery hair making him look even more sinister. And his eyes – god, his eyes – he still remembered. He wouldn´t forget very soon. His eyes were glowing gold. With anger and hate and everything Grimmjow wanted to be as much far away from Rukia as possible. And yesterday it was right next to him. He could get rid of it, kill it, erase it, let Rukia live in piece finally – but when it came, he didn´t do it.

_Fucker_. Grimmjow frowned, smirking angrily. Yesterday, Kurosaki had paralyzed him. With a stun gun. It happened so quickly he didn´t even notice. He just approached the bed where he was cuddling to Rukia´s small chest, and did it. And all Grimmjow could remember was Rukia´s body vanishing from his side, and Kurosaki´s devilish grin as he locked him up in the room.

_Anything for you, Rukia, _Grimmjow thought, _I´d do anything for you. Even kill that shithead. I´d kill anyone you´d ask me to kill. I´d finish off anyone who´d be pissing you off. I´d kill myself, I´d die for you, and you just wouldn´t fucking notice._

He watched the ceiling until his head started to pound heavily.

He wanted to sleep.

He wanted to see her.

And the only way how he´d do that was to fall asleep. Lately, she was visiting him only in his dreams. It was melancholic as hell. Nostalgia. Goddamn nostalgia. He´s been thinking of her every damn day. He´s been thinking of her every time he ran a knife though someone´s heart. He´s been thinking of her when he was writing the letter, the quotation. He´s been thinking of her when he marred the killed one´s skin to symbolize how she ripped his heart out and took it with her. To symbolize how incredibly much pain she´s cause him. How much she´s cost him.

His little Rukia. His little curse. His little angel. His biggest demon.

He stared at the ceiling until his eyes closed on their own.

But suddenly, a slight knocking at the door has woken him up.

"Who is it?" he called out and immediately got out of the bed, his bare feet toughing the cold floor.

In that moment, Grimmjow could literally feel the coldness, the hatred springing through the door. Goose bumps appeared on his skin immediately; and that didn´t happen that often. That must have meant something. Of course, Grimmjow knew exactly who it was. This scent, this _aura_… who´s else would it be. This might be just him…

"What do you want, Kuro –"

"_Du Bastard!_" a cracked voice pierced Grimmjow´s ears. The door flew open in a fragment of second, hitting the wall and closing again. The orange haired man´s face was one big scowl of rage. "_Wie kannst du es wagen!__Ich werde dich töten!_" the man walked towards Grimmjow furiously, grasping a handful of his silky blue hair, pulling him to face him.

Grimmjow was pissed off. Not now. Really not now. He pushed Kurosaki´s hand away, looking into those golden eyes. Annoyance was very obvious in Grimmjow´s face, but so was nervousness. "_Ich bezweifle dass._" He growled in a dangerously low voice, facing the slightly shorter man. "_Erinnerst du dich nicht? Ichigo?_" he should remember. Grimmjow´s eyes were burning with just as much hatred as Ichigo´s eyes held within.

"_Halt die Klappe, Bastard!_" Grimmjow´s back suddenly hit the wall. He found himself cornered by the predator in Ichigo´s eyes. "_Du hatten kein Recht, das zu tun!_" Ichigo was raging. A small sweat drop ran down Grimmjow´s forehead, caught in his brow.

"Weder hatte du… Rukia jetzt riecht wie Sie… es ist schrecklich…" Ichigo´s hand was pressing against the Adam´s apple of Grimmjow´s neck, making Grimmjow´s vision go blurry. He was choking him. Oxygen was escaping Grimmjow´s lungs and he saw his consciousness springing through his fingers. Still he, managed to say those words to Ichigo – or the man who pretended to be Ichigo. He wasn´t sure anymore. He looked like Ichigo, talked like Ichigo, but it wasn´t simply him. This guy… was something different. Something evil. Something that has possessed Kurosaki. And the worst thing about it all was his eyes. It was a prove that this was not the owner of the asylum.

"_Sterben… Sterben, bastard, Sterben!_"

"Shittard! I fucking CAN´T BREATHE!" Grimmjow meant to give the man above him a good punch, but he even didn´t see anymore. He wanted to kick him away and then beat the crap out of him, but his muscles were too weak. Which was probably adequate to his situation. Ichigo was nowhere near by letting he air to Grimmjow´s lungs. He was killing him slowly. Choking him until he´s pass out, hit his head and die silently. He´d choke him until Grimmjow could take it no more. That was the kind of killer he was.

"_Sterben…_"

"FUCK OFF YOU SUCKER!" Grimmjow tried his best to kick the man; and surprisingly succeeded. He got him in the stomach. Which was a really good aim. Ichigo fell to his knees, gasping for air; but so did Grimmjow. After the moments of breathlessness the air in his lungs was like fire. On his knees by then, he tried at least to stay conscious; but every little part of him desired to fade into sleep. Every part of him wanted to rest.

But Ichigo wouldn´t let him off so easily.

He attacked him again, this time aiming for Grimmjow´s head. And then it was really quick.

He hit Grimmjow so hard he hit himself against the wall; and then he actually did go back to sleep.

Gasp escaped the blue haired man´s lips before he passed out on the floor. "_Abschaum…_"

xOxOxOxOxOx

Rukia sighed, pressing fingers to her temples. Her head hurt so much.

She was yelling. She was actually yelling. At Orihime, at the top of that all. And it wasn´t Orihime who burst out in tears, but her. And that kid started calming her down. She even tried to give her a 'friendly advice'. World was going crazy.

And what was even worse, a certain familiar and very unpleasant feeling was spreading though her stomach and lower belly.

She slowly walked up to Grimmjow´s door. Facing the small number '401', she grinned acidly. It almost hurt to be here in such a state.

She knocked three times.

"Grimmjow," she said in a firm, businesslike voice as usual, "I´m coming in, okay?" she turned the key inside the lock, successfully opening the heavy white door to the room of her patient. She slowly stepped in –

-Only to find Grimmjow sprawled on the floor, panting heavily like he´s just finished a marathon. His skin was covered with swear and she could swear she saw dark bruises on his neck.

"Grimmjow!" she cried out, dropping all of her things on the floor. She ran over to him, dropping to her knees beside his sore body. He was laying in his side, unconscious. She wanted with her everything to call the others, but feared for his life. What is she got up and he left during that? She wouldn´t let that happen. Rukia quickly pushed her small hands against his sweaty chest, flipping Grimmjow so he was laying on his back. Unfortunately, she wouldn´t get him to stand up unless he woke up.

"Takin' yer sweet time again?" he wheezed weakly, not even opening his eyes. Oh, how much she wanted to see the endless blue right now.

"Grimmjow!" she exclaimed, taking his face into her hands. "Grimmjow, say something! Look at me!"

"Geh…" Grimmjow still managed to make a bored face. "Yer still sayin' the same, Rukia… ah…" the pain clouded his mind and he stopped paying attention.

"Ssh, don´t talk now," she mumbled, sitting down on her heels. "Just tell me what you want me to do and I will do my best to do it."

Grimmjow grinned slightly. "Are you feelin' fine?" he asked first.

"Why are you asking?" she smiled. "Of course. Just… my stomach is weird for some reason, but that´s definitely okay."

"Can I take a shower then?"

xOxOxOxOxOx

Ichigo was walking down the corridors or the hospital, whistling quietly and very peacefully. He was in a good mood. Not sure why, just was.

As he was passing all his subordinates, greeting everyone with warm handshake and breath taking smile, he stopped by the nurses´ office to peep inside. There were some nurses he wasn´t sure about their names, Orihime and Dr. Halibel.

Just like that, he called: "Hi!" and waved them.

"Oh, Mr. Kurosaki!" Orihime ran out of the room and stopped as he gave her a questioning gaze. "Um, I´m sorry, Mr. Kurosaki…" she mumbled, blushing as usual when she talked to him. "I… uhh… I jus wanted to tell you that.. eeh… Miss Kuchiki seemed rather uneasy today, so I thought that maybe you´d… you´d like to… take her home early?" her face was bright red by now, and Ichigo probably wouldn´t be very surprised if she fainted right then and there. He knew very well Orihime had a crush on him since she got here.

Ichigo cocked his brow. "What are you talking about? She´s… " he really didn´t want to say 'in my bed', even though it suited the situation. "She´s home. I gave her a day off since she´s been working so much lately." He improvised a little. Though the childish seriousness in Orihime´s face made him feel a little more conscious. Just in case she was speaking the truth… that might be a… problem.

"Umm, well, just one hour ago we were… talking a little…"

"WHAT?"

"I-it was nothing serious, really!" Orihime immediately bowed in a sorry expression. "maybe – maybe she´s gotten home already –"

"What did she say? Did she say something about where she was going?" Ichigo´s head started to pound wildly. He heard the blood rush to his ears. This was a problem.

"N-no, she didn´t say a thing – she just walked away –"

"SHIT!"

**Ok. I´m sad. Kinda.**

**But that´s just… you know, I will miss ffn. I´m not saying a definite goodbye, I will be updating until they ban me =D (sounds so cool, 'Barb, the banned one')**

**So, now, let´s stop all the drama and get to the business; I need your help. Should I make some GrimmRuki action? Dark one? Any kind? Or make Ichigo stop them? Hmmm?**

**P.S. … sorry bad grammar, sleepy as hell and eyes going blurry.**


	7. Even In The Worst Conditions

**7****th**** chapter**

**Ah, despicable me! (Yep, Barb was watching cartoons again)**

**Here you go guys, your promised seventh chapter.**

**The reason you haven´t seen me for… wow, 4 weeks? Well, I was in England :) not that they don´t have internet here, I just didn´t manage to do the business.**

**A small note: I hope I don´t confuse you too much. But I promise you everything will be explained soon. I hope. Some people were confused with Ichigo speaking German. Well, he grew up in Germany. There you go. **

It was hot. Really hot. Way too hot. The steam was rotating in the small private bathroom, making it look even smaller and hotter. Rukia could practically feel the hot water running down the walls in the shower. And she didn´t want to think of what else it was running down. It was making her blood boil too dangerously. No, she couldn´t think of this situation. She simply mustn't.

The thing was; there was probably one of the sexiest men ever born on the whole planet, and right there in the shower, three meters far from her small chair. Naked. Hot. Wet. And clumsy because of the air loss. Damn it all. If he fainted, she´d had no choice but to go to him. Help him. Touch his wet and very very naked skin. Probably give him first aid. She´d have to go there, run her hands across his heated body, lock her lips on his to do CPR… bloody hell. She´d have to do this all, but wasn´t sure if she´d be able to. After all, this was Grimmjow. Very much naked Grimmjow. And Rukia simply couldn´t bring herself to thinking of him as usually; someone dangerous, someone she should be very cautious of, someone to fear, someone to avoid as much as possible, someone who was her _patient_. But now it was only someone in the shower, someone with flushed skin because of the hot water, someone with strong muscles, someone who wouldn´t have any problem lifting her and carrying her back into the room –

"Are you fine, Missy?" Grimmjow asked in his usual cocky tone, speaking loud enough so the water wouldn´t be louder than him. Grimmjow was always the loud one. Rukia sighed. It seemed that he was very much aware of this moment. He knew. He simply knew. He knew very well that she was sitting there like before execution, nervous and eager to know, and he knew that if he'll stay long enough, she'll probably stop listening to her brain and rely on her body instead. He knew that he was driving her crazy. And he was enjoying it to the last bite.

Rukia scowled. "Sure. Absolutely fine." She murmured and looked to the left corner of the bathroom. Since now, she was looking into the right one where a mirror was hanging; and that wasn´t a good idea, since she was feeling this way, this weird and this bad. Of course, she could see only Grimmjow´s silhouette, but even that seemed to be enough. She saw the muscles of his back and shoulders, his hands working on cleaning his sweaty body, and she could hear the small moans of relief that were escaping his lips. It was making the adrenalin in her blood rush even more rapidly. She´d happily jump into the shower with him.

_What the heck is wrong with me?_ Rukia sighed and tried to take a deep calming breath. Too much of the steam. It was blocking her mind.

"Ok. That's good. I´m glad you´re fine."

She could hear the mocking tone of his voice very clearly. He was happy. Happy to taunt her. So happy to taunt her. Rukia could only imagine that big goofy grin on his wicked face. As a psychiatrist, would she be able to cure him? To solve his problems? Listen to him? He didn´t seem to like to speak. Every time she tried, he did something to stop her. Anything, really. For example when they first met. In fact, he was one of the most difficult patients she´s ever had. But that was just making her yearn more. She wanted to solve this case. This or that way. Unfortunately, there was just too much of the unanswered questions. And many more questions to ask.

"Grimmjow?"

"_Ah_… yea?" again she heard a small moan. Tiny, but enough to make her blush slightly.

She shook her head as if trying to get rid of all those thoughts and very bewildering feelings. Let´s be professional at least for a moment. _As if that could work. _"Grimmjow, I was about to ask you a personal question. Is it okay with you?" she started slowly, as usual. With every patient, maybe except for Nel who was almost like a little sister to her, it was the same routine. She asked if it was okay to ask things. They said yes. Or something creepy. Then they started their thirty minutes of torture for Rukia and great fun for them. The only two patients she really enjoyed visiting was little Nel and Mrs. Barragan.

She could hear the blue-haired psycho chuckle before he replied. "Sure, go ahead." His deep crunchy voice made her feel a bit uncertain. He seemed to be just way too much okay about things. But then again, this was Grimmjow. It was in his nature to be like this, to be predator. To make other people uncertain around him. To make other people uneasy. Maybe it was even okay if he was making them fear him, because he was Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez.

Rukia pulled out her notebook and pen with rabbit ears on the top and smiled. This was it. Work. Work always made her forget about everything else she needed. "So," she said in a light tone, trying to convince herself that she was back to normal again. "How many languages can you speak, Grimmjow?" she started very simply, though not like she planned. First she thought she´d start straight forward, get right down to it, but then she thought of his surname and decided to change the topic a bit before they really start working.

"Three." He said. And he said it on a purpose. Little devilish bastard.

She frowned, made a crazy grimace like she used to when she was on high school and disagreed on something with her professors, calmed down again and continued. "Can you name them for me, please?" she asked nicely, still very businesslike. And maybe a little sarcastic.

"Of course." He said.

"And will you?" This was ridiculous. He was playing with her. Trying to make her upset. No way. Not tonight.

"English, Spanish, German." How simple. Yet it take almost forty-five seconds to get out of him.

"Thank you." Ridiculous. Like two kids on the playground. She sighed and wrote the final answer in her notebook. "Okay, let me ask you something else. How do you feel about animals? Pets?"

"Nothing against them, really. I used to have a dog." Maybe he decided to act normal for few minutes, until he´d turn back into a total asshole.

"Alright." _Used to have a dog, positive feelings about animals._ "So would you rather hurt an animal or a human?" this was a tricky question, though she was pretty sure she knew the answer. But Grimmjow seemed to be just that type of person who tends to surprise the others.

"No animal has ever done any bad to me. Humans have been hurting me ever since I was a child. In a situation of crisis you do what you have to do." Again, he responded in that very annoying way of his. He responded, but you didn´t find out anything. He kept these things very closely to himself. No. He simply wouldn´t say that he´d rather kill a man than a boar that attacked him. He simply had to act like this. He had to leave it hanging in the air. A big question mark above their heads. This was Grimmjow.

"Very well. So you prefer the company of animal to the company of human being?" this might be interesting.

"Depends."

"On?"

"Situation."

"FINE." She was getting pissed off. Slowly, Rukia started writing letter in her mind. _Dear Ichigo,_ she thought, _sorry to disappoint you, but that guy is impossible to work with. And I highly recommend you to give him a male doctor so he doesn´t feel the need to masturbate during his sessions._ She wondered if Ichigo would be disappointed in her as in a doctor, or in a woman. Would she even mind?

Her life was a total disaster lately. Either personal and professional. Actually, her personal life was disaster since she could remember, but from the moment she started dating her boss, it was even worse. That even rhymed. One rule will always be good to exist; never date the ones who are paying you money. Dating co-workers is one thing. Yes, it might be a slight problem. But it for sure can´t make such a mess as dating your boss. Dating your boss is like everything you want but can never have, because it´s simply absolutely out of line. It´s banned. It´s unthinkable. Even more for single and successful subordinates. It´s a trouble you want to get into, but if you do, you want to get out and don´t know how. Actually, there´s no way. Pretty much Rukia Kuchiki´s case.

Let alone when the boss is a bit crazy. Rukia wondered if it was the effect of their work; after all, they were psychiatrists. They worked with mentally unstable people. Sometimes with dangerous people. It wouldn´t be such a surprise if one day one of them turned into a freak. Of course, everyone had their dark side, or whatever you like to call it. Everyone had something he didn´t want to talk about. Or think about. Or even let the others to know about. That was normal. For example, Rukia wouldn´t want anyone, _anyone_, to know that she´s been sleeping with Ichigo. Or she wouldn´t want Byakuya to know that she kissed Renji. Yes, he eventually unlocked the house and let her go on the date, her very first date, but she highly doubted his approval to this. She could only imagine Byakuya calling the CIA and private assassins if he ever found out about this.

But what she was actually thinking of was that maybe, just maybe, it could actually work. Her life. Private and professional. Maybe even together. It was well-known that it´s not the greatest idea to keep both personal and professional life together. She knew very well that it was much more intelligent to keep them well separate. She knew since the moment she took her first part time job and lost it because of kissing the boy who was working with her. But this was about Ichigo. The man she wanted, or at least liked very much, since the moment she first saw him. This was about her secret needs.

The fact was, Rukia was like a magnet for bad guys. Always. Renji looked like a marriage cheater, Kaien was a drunk and illegal immigrant from Russia, plus a car mechanic, and Ichigo was… well, Ichigo. Ichigo was an unwritten chapter of her life. She was holding the pen in her slender fingers, her hand was shaking, and the letters were crooked, but she kept going. She continued. And, well, Grimmjow was –

Rukia´s eyes went wide. She shook her head in shock, trying to shook this off of her mind. _Why in the world am I thinking of Grimmjow?_

This was bad.

"Oh well." She said in a very restless voice. "Okay Grimmjow, let me ask you something else. Do you draw?" this was one of her favorite methods; drawing. She asked the patients to draw her something, their dreams, their vision of the hospital, their first memory, their desires, and sometimes she even asked them to draw her; it was a good idea. And a good way how to tell their personality, or the source of their problem. Usually it was the first memory. For example, Nel drew her two cities; a small one, with few brick houses and shops and pub. The second one was like nowadays cities, expanded and crowded. This explained a lot; she always had two verses for everything. The real and her own. Rukia still haven´t decided what kind of pills she should give her to help her feel better. Nel´s case wasn´t a typical schizophrenia, plus she was a child. Children were especially difficult cases.

"Yeah, but you should know that." He mumbled and continued showering.

This was getting her annoyed even more. He never said anything clearly. Never. Always some sort of question she couldn´t work with. How typical of him. Why in the world should she know? Or, more likely, how would she know? Rukia was many things, but not a psychic. "Very well. And what do you like to draw?" she, even though he was getting on her nerves, decided to try one more time. Fight on.

He puffed, letting her know he didn´t like that conversation before even responding. "People I guess." He said after thinking for a moment.

"Interesting," the tone of her voice was like usual; she was pretending to be very much interested. The usual routine; seem to be on their side and they´ll tell you more. It was like this since Australopithecus invented a stick to grill a meat on. "So, you draw people to express feelings, or you draw people only to practice, or when you see someone interesting…?" she left it hanging in the air so he could tell her exactly how it worked with his drawing. Kind of using his own techniques of talking to people.

Grimmjow stopped the water. "I like to draw because…" he paused there for a second, leaving Rukia waiting for whatever he was about to say. "Because in the past a certain someone… appreciated my drawings." He said before letting it run again. Rukia felt much more relieved when the water was running. It meant that she was safe from his perfect body.

Ok, that sounded a little weird. "Oh, that´s very nice. So, I wonder, you said that you spoke German and Spanish – is your drawing somewhat influenced by this? I mean, Spanish people usually draw dark pictures full of dancing or anyhow else sexy poses, Germans usually draw landscapes…" _for example bloody mountains and rivers, like my crazy boyfriend_…

Grimmjow puffed again. "No, I´m not influenced by anything. Once I was influenced by that certain someone, but that´s long time gone." He practically growled, obviously not very happy by their new topic.

"That certain someone must have been very important to you." She noted with a small smile.

"You can´t even imagine how."

And someone said that monsters like serial killers and freaks didn´t have heart. Still, it was difficult to picture Grimmjow, of all people, holding someone close to his heart. But still, she was smiling. "And where did you learn to speak these two languages?" she asked something different for a change. It was never a good idea to get way too personal.

"My father was German and my mom was Spanish." He answered simply.

"Oh," a good advice; stop at usual and small things, pretending to think of it as if it´s something very special. "A German and a Spanish? I´ve never thought that was, you know, possible. Germans are so reasonable and want to be in control, while Spanish want to be free, loved and appreciated. I´m not saying it´s weird, just hard to imagine it is even possible." Since she started to work here, she could talk about things she didn´t care for for more than thirty minutes. That was her record.

"You´re saying I´m impossible?" it sounded serious, but Rukia could hear a certain kind of laughter in the tone of Grimmjow´s raspy voice.

He stopped the water again. "No, of course not," Rukia said calmly, but not failing to notice that he´s probably finished showering.

A hand crept out of the shower, taking a towel. This surprised her very much. She was expecting something like the first evening. She was expecting Grimmjow to try something on her, a new way how to spoil her evening. But since they started talking, he was being very… un-Grimmjow-like. Actually, he was talking in a quite intelligent way, almost like he was a deep intellectual and introvert. Rukia didn´t leave it unnoticed. It was actually a nice surprise. But still alarming. Who knows what he was up to.

"Love can bliss even in the worst conditions." She heard him murmur as he wrapped towel around his slim hips. He sighed quietly then, standing in the shower, looking at Rukia who was turned around, facing the door of the private shower.

She didn´t say anything. In fact, she was a bit shocked now. This was Grimmjow. Grimmjow. Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez, at the top of that. The same man who made her watch him jerk off just few days ago. The same man who killed ten people for no good reason. The same man who she happened to fear eventually. This man was giving her this sweet talk like this was a damn high school. Love can bliss even in the worst conditions. What the heck was that supposed to be? No, this definitely wasn´t her cup of tea. Dealing with psycho boyfriends is one thing, but having serial killers tell you this, that´s completely different. Now she really started to think that he was impossible.

"My father was bad-tempered. A typical German. He still believed that Hitler was right about things." Grimmjow stepped out of the shower finally, looking at Rukia who was sitting on the small chair, still staring at the door, her head between her shoulders. "He met my Mum in France. She was seventeen and very beautiful. But also naïve and optimistic. She believed she could change him. Fix his twisted heart and wicked mind. Few months later they got married. First three years they lived in Paris. But emigrated when Mum found out she was pregnant. They moved to nearby town here and settled in. But never lived happy life. My father my a drunk and often beat Mum. I was sitting in a corner crying because I couldn´t do anything. One night Mum was crying in my room, pleading me to never do anything. She said she feared for my life. She was telling me that she loved me and that I´m the best son. Few years later she died. Breast cancer. It started spreading into her organs. She didn´t tell me until I noticed she was losing her hair. She died when I was fifteen. I lost two important people in three years."

Rukia shook her head. Suddenly he´s telling her his life story.

She grinned acidly to herself. "What about your name? It sounds much more Spanish than actually German."

"I changed my name as soon as I left home. After Mum died. But that´s not what you wanted to ask, is it."

She almost turned around. Almost. "What do you mean?" she stopped half-way facing him. She wasn´t looking directly, but could recognize the shape of his back. He was looking into the mirror.

"I´m saying that you don´t care for what I say. I´m not stupid, Kuchiki. You´re asking unimportant shit because you don´t know how to get down to the business." This was the Grimmjow she knew.

"I do care, Grimmjow," she said very calmly. "As a doctor, I am interested in everything you say. Everything might help."

"Still on that, huh? You think you can fix me? You think you can rebuild a broken toy? Well, news here, Miss Psychiatrist," he grinned acidly, turning to her completely. "I fucking ain´t possible to be fixed." He hissed into her face like an angry cobra would hiss at a hamster.

She shook her head, still not looking at him. She rather closed her eyes. "No Grimmjow, you´re not right about this. Everyone can get better. I can help you get better. That´s why I´m here, after all. So please stop resisting."

"I´m not the one who´s resisting," he noted dryly.

In a situation like this, when object is obviously not happy with your treatment, you can do only one thing; change the topic.

Rukia coughed professionally. This is a good way to start a new conversation. Byakuya always did that – she asked if she could do something he didn´t like to see her doing, and he, instead of offering a reasonable argument, coughed and started talking about Japanese food and Indian movies. "Ok, you know what? Let´s stop this. I meant to ask you another thing. If you don´t mind." If he doesn´t mind. Sometimes Rukia was getting tired of asking. No one ever asked her if she did or didn´t mind. In fact, most of the time she did mind, but who cared about that? People got used to the fact that she was living for the others, not for herself.

Rukia scowled. This was painfully right. "Ask whatever you fucking want." Grimmjow growled in annoyance.

Maybe it wasn´t a good idea to ask about his personal life. But at least they moved a bit. "Well, I was wondering when did you start writing poems." She said plainly, just simply giving him a hint of possible topic to discuss.

He shook his head. "I was thirteen. Someone read my poem and said it was nice, so I kept writing poems for that someone until he disappeared from my life." Rukia heard him slide down against the wall to sit down.

She smiled slowly. "You´re Mum must have been happy to have a son like you." She mumbled.

"I guess. But the poems weren´t for her. For her I wrote short stories. Of happy family."

Rukia wrote something in her notebook. "I´m sorry, Grimmjow. I´m sorry your life didn´t turn out like your Mum would wish. But now, I´d like to ask you another thing. And I… I really hope you don´t mind, but I just have to go there."

"Just go ahead."

"Do you… do you think your Mum… would be happy? Do you think she´d be happy to see you like this? I´m sure she still loves you and is watching over you from the heaven, but is she happy to see you this way?" maybe this was a little too cruel, too rude, but she had to. Sometimes when you add a little bit of pressure, the patient realizes certain things he haven´t seen before. Sometimes pressure helps.

Grimmjow chuckled. "You know Rukia," he muttered under his nose, "there´s nothing live heaven for people like me."

There we go. Sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesn´t.

"What did you mean by '_the beautiful people, cry of the eagle, cry of the heart, matter of the card_'?" changing topic. Quickly.

He chuckled more loudly. "You read that one?" he laughed. "It´s a piece of shit, really, but only because I didn´t care for that chick. Just pierced her eye and scalped her head. Then wrote that thing. It mostly meant that I picked that one quite randomly. But until then it was fun." He was watching her face. She was looking into a different direction and avoided his intensive gaze.

Trying to forget about his words, she continued. "Okay, that has something to it. How do you write a poem? Is it just something that comes to your mind, or is it something you think of first and then you pick up a person who you kill?" yes, now they were at the business. And Grimmjow seemed to enjoy it quite fine.

"Ah," he moaned almost in a painful way, "getting tired of you."

"Getting tired of ME?" she widened her eyes, turning to him in shock. Rukia stood up form her safe sitting position and looked down to this ridiculously high and even more ridiculously sexy man. "Are you serious?"

"Hell yea," he grumbled, "I don´t like what you´re asking. It´s a bad thing to ask these things." He was smirking. Maybe it was making him feel in control. And to make it feel even better, he stood up again, making it very clear who was the one in control.

"Why should it be a bad thing?" Why in the world he decided – just now, out of blue – that he didn´t like her questions?

"Cause you actually don´t wanna know. You don´t wanna truth. You´re much more happy with your own 'medical' version of things. Now, ain´t ya?" he wasn´t even grinning. He was dead serious. She didn´t like that. She wasn´t used to it. Grimmjow was that typical character to be always carefree and generally not caring for things, but suddenly he turned into patriotic mysterious man who wasn´t very willing to tell her his secrets. Well, maybe not secrets, but from what she knew or experienced, serial killers, or killers for that matter, liked to talk about why and how did they pick their prey. One would think Grimmjow would be the same. But it seemed that he actually kept these things to himself. Was it weird to think that it was important for him? To keep it? Maybe there was a certain something she didn´t see. A hint he gave and she didn´t notice. That might have happen. It was very possible.

"Oh, do you want to judge me?" she barked, her face flushing as she was getting mad. This was so stupid. She was fighting with her practically naked patient in the shower.

"I´m not judging you. I judge only those I want to kill."

An idea. Did he give a hint just now? "Oh." Rukia said, smiling to herself almost victoriously. "So this is how you think. You judge people for their sins or whatever you think it is, and then you _punish_ them. Am I right, Grimmjow?"

He sighed before answering. "No Rukia. You´re missing one very important part of the story, but that´s definitely okay because I got used to it. I fucking got used to it. I could kill the president and you just wouldn´t notice."

"You´re talking rubbish, Grimmjow. I don´t understand you. It´s like you were talking Spanish again!"

She was yelling by now. Grimmjow liked that about her. Yelling and getting angry. She always looked so cute. "Are you even listening to yourself, Rukia?" he shot back, stepping forward. The petite doctor automatically stepped back. And this continued until her back hit the wall and his abdomen was technically pressing against her belly. Funny height difference. Grimmjow grabbed her wrists and pinned her hands above her head. "Are you even listening to yourself?" he repeated in low voice, bowing his head so his nose was sniffing her hair. His chin was barely touching her forehead, but he made sure his lower part of body was closely locked to hers.

_It´s like you were talking Spanish again._

"Let me go, Grimmjow." Rukia said firmly, trying to keep the hysteria in her voice unnoticed. This was one of her worst ideas. Don´t go to shower with sexy, or, more importantly, crazy man. Just… don´t.

"No." He said simply. "Not again." He added and pressed himself against her small body harder. Her chin hit his collar bone and he heard her growl in despair.

"Let me go," she repeated, trying to convince him that she was firm like rock and wasn´t about to agree on any compromise. Like he´d buy any of that.

"Fucking no. You say you don´t want, yet you want so much, maybe too much."

Eventually, Grimmjow let go of her hands and moved onto her hips. He lifted her into the air like she didn´t weight a pound and pressed her against the wall so she was staring into his predator-like eyes. Pinned by his hot and pretty much naked body, Rukia nervously tried pushing him away with her small hands; of course failing ridiculously. He was just too big. And too wet. And too naked. And this was all getting into her head, where it was mixing with pheromones and making nothing but a big big mess in her emotions.

Oh yes. Damn pheromones.

"Look who´s talking. Want me to release you, yet you´re yearning like a goddamn bitch. Well Rukia, aren´t you?" He buried his nose in her neck, making her eyes go wide with shock. What the hell was he thinking? "Soaking wet already?" he murmured into her heated skin, slowly rubbing himself against the crook of her ass. His burning lips were sucking on her earlobe as if he was trying to make it happen. That… thing he was talking about.

"Leave me alone!" Rukia managed to scream between trying to keep the small pleasured noises inside. "Mmmff –"

"Interesting," he mumbled in a seductive tone. "Making such a fuss about it, yet crying out like you were paid for it." It didn´t seem that he was about to let her go. Holding onto her so tightly as if she was the last one on this planet, he actually did stop – but not the way she wanted him to stop. The whole idea of stopping was letting her leave, go and never get back. But Grimmjow had nothing like that on mind. He stopped pushing and teasing, but only to stay still with his body pressed against hers and their hips grounded together. He rested his forehead against hers, closing his azure blue eyes.

Rukia had no choice but hold onto his shoulders. She was feeling dizzy like never before. It was like she´s eaten too many sleeping pills. World was spinning around and blood rushing through her veins was making it impossible to think straight. Her face flushed and she desperately turned her head away from his face. But then again, he was still there. His nose nudged hers and gently made her head move back again. Gently? Gently. Grimmjow had another of his rare gentle moments.

Their noses were practically cuddling. Caressing the other one. Rukia realized she has closed her eyes like a baby hearing a calming song. For a long minute, they were just standing by the wall – or, more precisely, Grimmjow was standing. Rukia was hanging in the air and the only thing she could clung onto was him. By now, her hands stopped pretending to barely steady her by holding his shoulders; her palms came to rest on his bare chest, her fingers brushing his collar bones. For the longest sixty seconds of her life they were just breathing into each others´ face. Eyes closed, lips parted as if waiting for the other one to make the move, and hands unmoving. Rukia had the most terrible urge to run her fingers through Grimmjow´s still-wet silky hair, just play with the sky blue locks and feel no regrets for doing so. Maybe breathe in the scent so typical for him. He smelled like forest after rain. She loved that smell so much.

Grimmjow tilted his head back just slightly, his lips almost touching hers. Was he teasing? Or was he scared to do it? No, Grimmjow wasn´t the type of man who´d be scared to kiss a woman. But this wasn´t just a random girl he picked up in bar. This was his Rukia. He was hesitating. Just breathing. And so was she. Rukia could barely look. In fact, for her own safety, she left her big eyes closed; just in case this was just a weird dream. One of those weird dreams she wished to remember. So she waited. She waited for him to make the move.

"_Rukia…_" it was barely a whisper. Grimmjow wasn´t even sure he said it. It was so quiet he nearly didn´t hear it himself. But he just had to say _something_. The petite woman pressed against his slowly drying body, her clothes slowly getting soaked, the fabric absorbing the water, slightly moved her head from left to right. Three times. Grimmjow didn´t understand what it meant. Did that mean 'no'? Or did it mean 'I don´t mind'? Who knew. He didn´t pay it much attention. He stayed where he was, with his lips not even an inch away from hers.

Did he even want to do it? What if it ruined everything? What if she actually… didn´t want to anymore?

"I´m gonna kiss you now," he whispered so quietly again.

She shook her head. "I´m scared," she whispered back, her nails digging into his skin, leaving small marks.

"Me too."

That feeling was like the very first time you´ve tried doing something crazy. The first time on a rollercoaster. First time diving. First time being given an electric shock. Grimmjow felt like all the electricity in the whole universe went into his body. Set him on fire. And calmed him in the same time. It was like he always thought; mind blowing. And it was only a mere contact. The slightest brush of skin against skin. They weren´t kissing for real. Their still-dry lips were merely touching. He could feel it. He could feel her. But it wasn´t a kiss.

Rukia parted her lips slightly. Her lower lips brushed against his while the upper stayed resting against Grimmjow´s. _More. Just a bit more_. No saliva, or kissing, for that matter. Grimmjow was like frozen. But so was she. This was the breaking point. One bad move and the whole world could crush and never get back to normal. They were both too afraid to move forward. Too much responsibility. And only one kiss; that might have lead to much more. So they both waited. Waited until all the steam vanished. Until the shower went cold and lifeless again. Rukia´s back was pressed against the cold wall and Grimmjow´s body was pressed against her torso. She noticed herself shivering slightly. Did he have such an effect on her?

"You´re not…"

Grimmjow didn´t even dare to open his eyes. He was just silently enjoying Rukia´s lips brushing against his as she was talking. _Perfect_.

"… Kissing…"

She wrapped her legs around him more tightly. Grimmjow wondered if it was for convenience, and her own reassurance that she wouldn´t fall, or if she was trying to encourage him. This or that way, she was pulling him even closer. The towel wrapped around his hips was staying in it´s place only thanks to her body that was holding it. Her feet was resting on his thighs and her inner thighs were like glued to his hips. All thoughts aside, Grimmjow took a deep breath –

And locked his lips with hers. Being as serious as he could, frowning and trying to figure out if it was okay with her, he forgot to breathe completely. Rukia, being nervous as she was, started locking her legs around him to the point when it started to feel nearly painful. She wrapped her arms around his neck and let her fingers wander through his hair. She parted her lips, making Grimmjow gasp for the air. Panting like he had just finished a marathon he brought their lips together again, this time making sure he could breathe. Rukia was willingly opening her mouth to let him in with his tongue, but to her surprise, at that moment Grimmjow seemed like inexperienced teenager. He was nearly helplessly moaning into her mouth, but didn´t do anything so far.

The thing was, she seemed like a porcelain doll to him. Too delicate, too fragile and too easy to break. And that was the last thing he had on his mind.

"Grimmjow," Rukia managed to mumble against his firm lips, gently pushing her hands against his chest. After what seemed like forever she opened her eyes again, staring at the man before her. He was frowning, his face unusually serious. But his eyes were still closed. He was screwing his eyelids together like a child in the dark who´s afraid that there might be a monster. Rukia couldn´t help but smile. "Grimmjow, you don´t have to be careful with me." She noted a bit sarcastically. Who would ever guess she´d say something like that to a serial killer?

He shook his head, still not letting her see his eyes. "Shaddap…" he grumbled, smile spreading his features. He leaned in again, kissing her like she´d imagine he would. Passionately yet still quite gently. His soft lips were slowly moving with hers making her feel dizzy again. Loud sloppy noises quickly filled the bathroom as Grimmjow stopped being so cautious. Letting his tongue slip into Rukia´s mouth he started being more himself again – tricky and devilish, like she knew him. He let her stand on her own again, bowing over to her. His large hands went down to her cute round ass and squeezed as if his life depended on it.

And, bloody hell, Rukia didn´t mind. In fact, she gasped loudly as he did so. This was the Grimmjow she knew.

She giggled sweetly when his nose started tickling her neck. He started to rain butterfly kisses all over her neck, sucking on the soft skin occasionally. He let her hands play with his hair, moaning quietly when she tugged on them. Oh, he could only imagine how he´d do so many things to her until she just couldn´t take anymore.

"_Te quiero Rukia…_" He picked her up by the ass and put her on the sink. Grounding his hips into hers, he repeated his words.

"I don´t understand your stupid Spanish," she laughed, failing to block him before he started unzipping her – or, more likely, Ichigo´s – jeans.

He tilted her body to the back to have better access on her neck and chest. And he didn´t left an inch of her alabaster skin unnoticed. Every part of her, every part of the delicious woman, would be his. He was kissing her passionately until she was mewling in pleasure. "I want you all, Rukia," he mumbled into her skin. Grasping the hem of her t-shirt, he started to pull it further down. He wasn´t careful of hesitating anymore. He became a predator again. His hands appeared on her still clothed breasts and his nose in the valley between them.

Rukia felt like covered in saliva. Grimmjow was practically chewing on her. Her skin was reddened from all the nipping. But she still couldn´t help but think it was awesome. Tilting her head back in pleasure, she let out another pleased noise as he squeezed her small breasts together.

"_Te quiero todo,_" he murmured from the valley between the two perfectly round hills.

"Stop your stupid Spanish." She chuckled despite the fact she was busy mewling and inhaling sharply.

Grimmjow narrowed his back, face to face with her. "Don´t like my Spanish?" he purred sensually.

"I just don´t understand what you´re saying." Now it was Rukia´s turn to tease Grimmjow. She caught the chance she had, gripping his hair and tilting his head back. She attacked his neck with her lips swollen from all the kissing, biting like a hungry cat.

"_Aaah shit!_" Grimmjow didn´t expect her to do that. He was pretty sure her sharp teeth broke the skin and went straight through. But it wasn´t a painful cry he let out; in fact, he could feel the pleasure coming south immediately. Rukia was licking away the small amount of blood, occasionally sucking on the mark, making it bigger. He felt his face burning and his crotch aching. Her small hands were rubbing against his nipples making him unsure if it hurt or pleasured him. "Rukia, you freaking little… _uhh_…" did she just pinched one of his nipples?

The petite woman smirked devilishly. "Two can play this game." She cooed, looking up to him and licking his chin.

He grinned wickedly. "Hell yea."

Quickly he pushed the stupid goddamn t-shirt down her shoulders, literally trapping her inside her own clothing. Rukia´s arms were pinned to her own body and she couldn´t do anything about it. "Oi, Grimmjow!" she protested loudly.

"Mmm? Two can play the game, neh?" he purred back, cupping her breasts still hidden in the black bra. He decided he loved black.

"Not fair!" she argued.

"Who said I´m gonna play fair, woman…" he mumbled, his usual smirk playing across his lips. He violently pulled her bra down, almost like he wanted to make sure she couldn´t get out.

Rukia shook her head, blushing so deeply she could burn up. "This is embarrassing…" she whined, thinking if there was a way how to block his view of her.

Grimmjow licked his lips. "Fucking amazing," he cooed. He came closer, his tongue darting out of his mouth like he wanted to pierce the pink erected nipple with it. Nearly succeeding, he smirked as Rukia moaned loudly. "Mmmff, Rukia… I freaking love ´em…" sloppy noises filled the bathroom as he was enjoying sucking on her nipple, making sure he didn´t move to the other one until it was red from the sweet torturing.

"Kkkh… Gr- Grimmjow…!" She just loved the way he was rubbing his tongue against the swollen bud.

"Mmm… I wanna eat 'em… Rukia-_ah_…"

She pushed him away. No more playing. No more waiting. Things needed to be done. Grimmjow left her chest and let Rukia down from the sink. When she was finally steadily standing on the ground, he started unzipping her jeans again – this time succeeding and pushing them down her butt.

"You know what I´m gonna do, Rukia?" he purred into her ear, nipping on her earlobe.

"Wwwh… n-no… no…" she managed to moan as his fingers played with the hem of her panties, caressing the creamy flesh of her ass.

He slipped his hands under her panties, squeezing her sexy ass in his large hands. "I´m gonna _pleasure_ you until you can´t take anymore… I´m gonna make you feel like exploding… I´m gonna make your body shake with insanely great need for me…"

"Fuck!" she cried out as his left hand moved to the front part of her panties, doing nothing more but cupping her still _freaking_ clothed pussy. She couldn´t help but press herself against his hand, watching it as she did. Rukia bit her bottom lip desperately, squeezing her eyes shut when Grimmjow teased her through the pink panties with small rabbits. Moaning loudly, she jerked her hips forward, rubbing against his palm.

"Look at you, baby," the bluenette murmured in a husky voice. "You´re so horny, aren´t you…"

"Pleeease… Please… Grimmjow… do – just fucking do something!" she cried, pushing his hand away because she couldn´t bear it anymore.

He smirked. "Since you plead so nicely."

"RUKIA?"

The two lovers jerked away from each other. Rukia´s eyes went wider than ever before. Grimmjow´s heart nearly stopped for a second.

The voice was coming from the corridor; it wasn´t so far away. "Shit!" Rukia whimpered, pulling her jeans back on and fixing her t-shirt and bra. "Shit shit shit shit shit!" she kept saying as she was quickly repairing her clothing and everything else. Her hair was messy like she´s been doing bungee jumping, and her lipstick was… well, everywhere.

"Dammit!" Grimmjow hissed, scratching his scalp. He started walking across the small bathroom, occasionally looking at Rukia.

She grasped the tiny cross on her neck in her hand. "Get in the shower and let the water run." She commanded, tears standing in her beautiful eyes. "And don´t get out until I say so." She finished, giving him a concerned gaze.

He grabbed her by the arm, pulling her into a short kiss. She pushed him away, saying he was crazy.

Rukia slipped out of the bathroom as silently as she possibly could, closing the door behind her without making any kind of noise. She pulled out her stunning gun out of the pocket of the doctor´s cloak and leaned against the wall, pretending she was never inside the shower with Grimmjow. Pretending she was a good girl. She closed her eyes for a second, repeating random curses in her mind. She just couldn´t believe this was happening. One moment she feels like kicking Grimmjow in the nuts, another moment she feels like they belong together, and the next moment they´re nearly becoming one. Rukia shook her head. Her life was a total mess. What was worth paying attention, anyway? All seemed relative to her. What if it even wasn´t true?

Rukia sighed, scratching her scalp. What if it really wasn´t true? What if she was just a crazy doctor who´s messy life made her believe these things? From certain point, this seemed like the only logical explanation.

She nearly slept with Grimmjow.

She nearly ruined her entire life. Well, maybe she did ruin it. In fact, like this she probably won´t be able to face him ever again. Not in thousand years, not in million years, not ever. It almost happened, but actually did not; something came across. If it did happen… maybe things would be different. She´s eventually come back. She´s want to help him. Make him alright. She´s want him to be fixed and she´d do her best to make it happen. And in the end, they´d let him leave the asylum. In the end it might be the two of them, somewhere far far away where no one knew them. In the end they both might have lived happily. Maybe not together, but their lives might have been fulfilled and satisfying.

But seeing this… Rukia highly doubted her life would get any better.

"Rukia!"

She shut her eyes. No. _No_. A certain feeling enveloped her chest like a steel hand and started tightening itself. She felt like her heart was being crushed. It wasn´t breaking. She just felt… scared. Scared of everything that might start happening from now on.

She shook her head again. "In here, Ichigo!"

The orange haired doctor stormed out of nowhere, appearing from behind the corner. "Rukia!" he gasped like he was happy to see her. She could nearly feel, touch his falseness. He was just pretending. Or so it seemed. He approached her, pulling her into embrace, giving her no chance to resist. He kissed her forehead. "I was worried, you know." He smiled at her warmly. "I thought you might be sick in the morning. I left you some painkillers –"

She gave him one of her best fake smiles. "Yes," she said calmly, "I know. I took them and – in fact, I´m feeling a bit dizzy now." At least something she said was true.

He caressed her cheek. "How about I take you home?" he asked, resting his forehead against hers.

She smiled again, touching his cheek with her cold fingers. "That´s okay, boss. I promised to go out for lunch with Tia. And I bet Nanao and Byakuya must be really worried." She said it, not realizing it was actually true. She did say she´d come for lunch with her friend Tia, and she did forget to call either Byakuya or Nanao. Well, this was getting worse and worse.

He pecked her lips. "No worries, Rukia. I called Byakuya and told him you were with me."

"What?" she blinked several times, practically pushing Ichigo away. He let go of her just unwillingly, but it seemed that he noticed he overdid something. "You – you called my brother?" she asked in complete shock. "You – and what did he say? What did YOU say? Wasn´t he trying to kill you though the phone?" she didn´t want to even imagine how Byakuya must have been raging. This was state of crisis. This was extremely bad. Ichigo called her brother. Her brother hated Ichigo. She didn´t know what to feel anymore.

"Well, he was a bit upset about it, but I´m sure he´ll be –"

"He has TUBERCULOSIS, for GOD´S SAKE!" she cried, pacing up and down the corridor. "Oh dear Lord, oh no, no no no…" she just couldn´t stop imagining all those terrible thing that might have happen. "Okay." She said in a businesslike tone, trying to think a plan up. "I´m getting my purse and calling Byakuya. Then I´m going out with Tia. And then maybe, just MAYBE, I´ll think of calling YOU."

"Rukia, wait –"

"You freaking messed up, Ichigo." She said plainly. "You know my brother´s health isn´t somewhat great, yet you call him to say ´Hi Byakuya-bo, I´m currently fucking your sister so you can keep calm and carry on, she´s very fine. No need to worry.´ Do you even realize in what kind of shock this must have been for him? He could have – oh dear God no – he could have caught a cough and he could have pass out! Ichigo, he could have freaking die!"

He caught grasp of her arms, keeping her in place. "Look Rukia, sorry I didn´t think it through, but Nanao is there – she´s a doctor. If anything happened, she would have taken care of your brother. I´m sure Byakuya is alright." He tried to calm her down.

"Okay, fine, if Byakuya is safe, it´s good – but have you got an idea what he´s going to do with me when I get home?" she caught her head, running her fingers through her hair. "Damn it! Fine, I´m going to get my cell phone…" she quickly walked away, completely forgetting about Grimmjow.

How in the world could he do this to her? It seemed like everything bad he´s done to her he´s done on purpose. Absolutely. Calling her brother just provided it. He got her into serious trouble.

**xOxOxOxOxOx**

Rukia was a well-balanced person. Always. Life taught her to keep calm even during the very end of the world. Actually, she was one of the calmest people she knew. The only one who might surpass her was Tia Halibel, but that didn´t count because Rukia assumed she was an android. But, all in one, Rukia usually could sit down, think of things and come up with a smart solution. Usually.

The thing was, this was much worse than any global catastrophe. This was about dealing with Byakuya, who was probably planning to lock her up in a tower.

Her fingers nervously slid down the screen of her cell phone.

"Byakuya?"

"Well, I´m surprised you´ve decided to let me know if you´re dead or still alive."

Rukia massaged her temples. This was bad. Byakuya was sarcastic only in cases of crisis. This was really really bad. "I know I should have called sooner – but I.. I – ugh! Look Byakuya, I´m really sorry. I just… did what I shouldn´t have done, I regret it and I will be home as soon as possible." She waited breathlessly, listening to the silence of her phone.

Byakuya sighed. "Kurosaki called me."

She started biting her nails. "I know."

"Was that your idea?"

"For God´s sake, no. It was his damn idea." Rukia looked into her computer, wondering whether she should look for cheap air tickets to Australia or let it be.

Byakuya snorted. "Whatever. I just meant to tell you that…"

"Yes?" no. She so didn´t want to hear that.

"That if you want to spend every night like this, you might also never come back home again. Just get your things and go if you mean to behave like this."

And as he said that, the phone was dead.

Everything was slowly falling apart.

xOxOxOxOxOx

Rukia promised she´d come to tell him to get out. No, Grimmjow really didn´t think things would be alright, but at least she might have come.

He didn´t expect Kurosaki.

The door of the shower flew open. Kurosaki was red with anger. He looked like he was about to kill him. And that was one of those rare moments Grimmjow feared for his life. He was so close to getting Rukia back – and here he was again, like a gun that separated them. And kept separating them. That man was his curse.

Kurosaki grabbed Grimmjow´s neck and squeezed. The bluenette nearly blacked out. But the doctor made sure Grimmjow was still wide awake.

"One more fucking time," he hissed into his face, "One more fucking time try to touch Rukia and I promise you you´re dead the moment I get to know."

xOxOxOxOxOx

_Dear Brother,_

_To be honest, I hope your at your worst. I hope you´re feeling like a bunch of shits, cause that´s what you deserve. I hope you´re all alone, scared, somewhere in the dark. That´s where I am now. But not for ever. I´m waiting for my chance to end this idiocy. And you know you´re getting weaker. Day by day, you're getting weaker, because you are a coward. And nothing more. You're alone even if you pray to God. He's not there for you anymore. _

_In fact, this all is quite a victory for me. Being heard and noticed just by automatic writing is quite a pain in the ass, but who cares? It sets fear in your heart. And also in hers. Now, Brother, doesn't it? Tell the truth. As you're reading this, aren't you shivering? Aren't your palms sweating? Your hands twitching? I bet your eyes go all wide and your mouth dry as you're reading this. And yes, Brother, I'm talking to you like this to make you slowly go absolutely insane. _

_Didn't you notice? You've already hurt her. You made her fear you. Actually, she fears me, but she'll never find out about that. When she looks into your eyes, she sees only you, not me. When you touch her, it's you who's making her cry out. When she sniffs the musky scent, it's you who's covered in sweat due to the previous actions. You're the one she thinks is the monster here. She can't see me. You're the monster for her. She cries because she's scared of you, not me. She wants to run away from you, not me. She's escaping from you, not me. She comes to that crazy bastard to hide from you, her creepy boyfriend who's hurt her. And you know what? She's thinking of staying with him, not you, not me. She's trying to push us aside, run away and save that stupid fucktard because we're driving her insane. _

_What a nice feeling. A couple of mentally disordered ex-psychiatrists. _

_And all thanks to me._

_Goodbye for now, Brother. And until next time… try not to kill that woman. You love her, don't you? _

A salty tear dropped on the white paper full of hateful words.

**xOxOxOxOxOx**

**Another small note: **_**Te quiero**_ **here means "I want you", not that he loves her. He does… but won´t say it yet. **

**Sorry everyone… but not a real GrimmRuki action yet. Yet. We can´t have lemons all the time. We must do the serious stuff, too. Otherwise it belongs to DeathsLittleBirdie. :D **

**Review everyone who feels like it! :)**


	8. Horror

**8****th**** chapter**

**Ugh. I´m sorry for not updating earlier, but I had my horror night yesterday. Extremists had a great meeting not-so-far-away from our house and I had no idea about it, so I had to have a policeman take me to my grandma´s house. Waaaaaaaach! DRAMA!**

**But anyway. Here´s next chapter. I seriously hope you will likey! **

**No pomegranate (I refuse to call it a lemon, it starts to bother me), we can´t be pervy all the time. Something needs to happen. ;) **

'**Korn & Marylin Manson – Cry' _ Try it people, it´s really cool. I´m listening to it for past two days. **

Tia was waiting by Rukia´s office, and immediately as she saw her colleague, her face changed into that usual frown. Which was actually understandable. Rukia was coming up to her looking like a walking dead, her eyes dull and emotionless and hair messy like she´s been awake for past forty-five hours. In fact, that was Tia´s case, but you could never tell how she felt, thanks to her usual expression. She wasn´t frowning because she was worried or sad. She wasn´t. She was frowning because she was in an insane asylum. This was the most usual and safe face she could make.

But until she saw Rukia, she was actually… well, not smiling, she just wasn´t scowling. She was quite pleased that her shift has come to its end, and she was looking forward to the lunch with Rukia. They haven´t talked for ages and they missed lots of different events of their lives. Tia had many news and Rukia looked like she had a lot on her mind too. All in once, Tia felt like this was going to be one of the rare moments in her life when she would act like a normal woman in her thirties. Honestly, she never did; not usually. She was used to her working face, which was frown, and she was used to her working routine. Maybe if she had family, or a boyfriend, for that matter, she would be a bit normal at least. But she had nothing to come back to in the evening, she was constantly falling asleep alone, and so she got very much used to her customs. Frowning, eating, working, frowning, eating, working, frowning, eating, working, sleeping. And again.

To cut long story short, Rukia was Tia's entire social life for past three years.

And therefore, seeing the young woman creep like she just saw someone die, Tia walked up to her in rush, worried for her friend´s own safety. She automatically stopped Rukia, grasping her arms gently, supporting her weight. "Rukia," she spoke up quietly so the whole hospital wouldn´t know that Miss Kuchiki isn´t feeling well. "Rukia, are you alright?" a stupid question, but fine to start a conversation with. After all, Tia was doing this 24/7. She was one of the experts.

Rukia moved her head from left to right. "Gah," she grumbled, being a real Mr. Grumpy Pants. "Don´t even ask." She commented disgracefully, hoping Tia wouldn't ask. But seriously, if she didn't ask, it just wouldn't be the same Tia. Tia was exactly the type of person who always asked, no matter how much she didn't like dealing with bothered people. Once you were friends with Tia Halibel, you were friends with her for the rest of your life.

One of the most difficult things in the entire world was when a psychiatrist wanted to chat up another psychiatrist. It was almost impossible. They both knew the tricks, the techniques and they knew very well what is the other trying to do. That's why psychiatrists usually didn't date each other. It was incredibly complicated. Let alone when two psychiatrists were friends, trying to solve their problems. Tia narrowed her cyan eyes. "I already asked. Now spill it, Rukia." Tia Halibel could be very demanding at times. Otherwise she was quite a gentle being. Well… this way or another. Kind of.

The smaller woman scowled like a kid who didn´t get his favorite cookie. "Can´t it wait?" Rukia asked in a childish voice. This wasn't the best place to talk. And, to be perfectly honest, she'd be much happier if Tia just let it be. But that wouldn't be normal for the blonde. She never let _anything_ be.

"Not for longer than fifteen minutes." Tia said plainly.

"Why fifteen?" Rukia murmured, slightly concerned about what´s her friend up to. The last time Tia said something like that they ended up in a strip club.

"This long it takes to the new Chinese restaurant."

Few minutes later, actually, just ten minutes later because the traffic wasn't as busy as Tia expected, they were parking by the said new restaurant. Rukia was sitting next to her, throwing faces like she was about to vomit everywhere around her, making her friend really concerned. This wasn't very usual for Kuchiki. Tia knew her as an absolute professional, a woman that didn't agree on any compromise, not like a depressed little girl thinking whether to choose Chow Mein noodles or Szechuan chicken. Well, actually, that didn't happen yet, but it was Rukia's very usual problem. The first time they ever went for a lunch to a Chinese restaurant together it took her nearly fifteen minutes to decided if she wanted a meat of a vegetarian food that day.

Tia got out of the car, waiting for Rukia to close her door to lock that vehicle up. Since Tia got divorced she was not-so-proud owner of an old Chevrolet from 1980s. And her beautiful and beloved Bentley from 1990s stayed with her goddamn ex-husband and his noisy daughter. Rukia finally crawled out of the car, completely hidden in a dark gloomy cloud, and let the door close slowly. Tia smirked, watching her car, and then locked it; also gloomily.

Rukia was making her feel pretty much the same as she probably felt herself.

"Ugh… yeah, this is a brand new restaurant here, and… umm… Stark said it was worth trying." Tia mumbled, one step before Rukia.

"So you're still talking to him?" the other female asked, getting her attention caught very easily. Tia loved that about Rukia.

"Not really," she said, opening the door. A Chinese bell tinkled and they stepped into mostly red space full of bamboo sticks and fortune cookies. Tia noticed it made Rukia smile slightly. She caught herself smiling, too. It made her think of that one time when Rukia said her Grandma was Chinese. Tia thought it might have brought back some memories to Rukia.

A tiny Chinese woman approached them quickly. "How can I help you?" she asked in a squeaky voice, immediately bowing as they looked her way.

"Table for two, please," Tia said diplomatically. The Chinese woman seemed to hide her head between her tiny shoulder completely, leading them to their table. Tia seemed to be quite pleased; despite the fact that she was gentle and quite loving woman (when it came to being motherly; for example around Rukia), she liked to be in control of people. Not that she was bossy, after all, she didn't have an assistant like Rukia to be bossy around; she simply liked her own system. And she was even happier when other people were able to live according to that system.

The waitress settled two menus on their table and disappeared between bamboos and small decorative palms. Rukia practically fainted onto her chair, staring dully out of the window. Tia with all her elegance sat down opposite to her friend, placed her elbows on the table and her palms under her chin. She blinked automatically and sighed to catch Rukia's attention.

The black-haired woman's eyes slowly slid from the window to Tia. "So?" she asked plainly.

That made Tia blink again. This is exactly why psychiatrists do not chat up each other. It's quite useless. "So – what?" she gave Rukia her I-don't-freaking-understand-you look.

"You didn't finish. I asked if you're actually talking to Stark." Today Rukia didn't seem to beat around the bush too much. No, not today.

Tia smiled and shook her head. "Well, we're not talking like talking. Last week he asked if I wanted my TV back and told me to try this restaurant. Told me that Lilinette liked it here. Chow Mein noodles are fine, he said." Very gentle way how to give a hint. Tia was trying to guide Rukia to final conclusion more quickly. Otherwise they might spend the rest of the day deciding which meal they should pick. In fact, Stark said nothing like that when they were talking.

"Really? And what did you say?" Rukia was always interested in people's personal lives. She didn't stick her nose to places that were non of her concern, but since this was about one of her best friends, she was quite nosy.

The tall blonde cocked her brow in a satisfaction. "I said I'll be taking TV, sofa and bed sheets and that I don't like Chow Mein." She smiled to herself, thinking of the way she walked into her ex's apartment and took everything she wanted; because he wasn't home. And left him very elegant note: _Dear Stark, suck it. Tia_.

She saw Rukia grinning victoriously. "Epic." The petite doctor commented like it was her own great success, once again convincing Tia that she was a true friend. Seriously, if Tia was telling this story to her mother, she'd probably give her a lecture about what a gentle and lovely man Stark was, and that she shouldn't act so immature since she was a step mother to his daughter. Rukia was one of those few people that supported her in every stupidity she wanted to do. Not that she did things like this somewhat often. Tia was one of the most reasonable people you could imagine. But when it came to the point she felt like doing things like this… you´d rather be on her side than against her.

Tia smiled. "Yeah, it was pretty awesome."

Rukia smiled slightly, too. To Tia´s surprise. "Did he say how Lilinette was?" for some reason, Rukia always asked about the little blond kid.

Tia shrugged her shoulders. "Not really. Just that she liked Chow Mein here." Usually, Tia didn´t feel like talking about Stark´s daughter.

"Well," Rukia started flipping the pages of the menu. "From what I know, she hasn´t been really happy since you left."

Rukia just knew how to make Tia talk. "Yes, that´s right," she blonde nodded. "But that´s non of my concern. Lilinette is like a rain. Once she´s calm and actually nice and fun to talk to, but then she has one of her moods and you´d happily slap her."

Rukia cocked a brow. "Did you ever slap her?" she asked with a real interest. To be honest, she actually couldn´t imagine someone as calm as Tia doing something so impulsive. Though she was pretty sure her friend would do it. Tia tended to surprise people.

Tia grinned. "That´s why I got divorced. Haven´t I told you?"

"Well, you said it was impossible to live there."

The other woman smiled again, tilting her head back slightly. "Oh well. It _was_ impossible to live there. But one day Lilinette called me a bitch and slutty psycho and spit my way, ad that was pretty much it. I grabbed a hold of her arm, gave her very quick lecture about maturing and hitting puberty, and when she said I was a fucking whore after my mother and that I didn´t deserve her great father and that I will never replace her mum _and_ that I was with Stark only for money, I just couldn´t take it anymore. If Stark wasn´t just coming home, maybe we´d still be together, because that kid would never tell that I slapped her. But Stark saw and didn´t like it. That´s why I got divorced." Tia sighed as she remembered that stupid day. Stark saw her slapping his daughter, of course had no intention in asking about what happened before and what caused that slap. And that was pretty much it. For three seconds, they were just staring at each other, Lilinette was silently crying, and in another second Stark grabbed his daughter and told Tia to pack her things before taking Lilinette for Chinese.

Rukia´s eyes went wide. "Wow," was all she managed to say. "Just… wow. I simply can´t imagine you being so… you know, aggressive."

Tia shook her head. "I wasn´t aggressive. She was provoking me since the day we met. Though I can´t really blame her. It was Saturday morning and I was making scrambled eggs for Stark with no idea he had a kid. She just came to the kitchen and found a woman she´s never seen in her life. So I guess I can´t say it´s all her fault."

"You mean you´d admit it was your fault as much as hers?" Rukia decided to have Ramen.

"What – the divorce?" Tia chuckled. "Bloody hell, no. I don´t blame myself. I blame Stark. If he told me he was a parent I would act different."

"You mean motherly?" Rukia asked with doubts in her face.

"No, I mean I´d for example make sure to wear panties after getting up and deciding to wonder around the house."

They both laughed at this. Tia at the fact that it was actually true and Rukia at the image of Tia covering herself with a pan.

The waitress came to take their orders. Rukia changed her mind and got Chow Mein after all and Tia decided to have Szechuan chicken with curry rice.

"Hey," Rukia spoke up again after a little while. "How did you two meet, anyway?" she asked.

Tia nearly chocked on her coke. "You mean me and Stark?" she asked, a bit breathless.

"Yeah. What, I don´t wanna know?" Rukia grinned devilishly. Tia was starting to be quite a dirty girl.

The taller woman shook her head. "Not like that, silly." She said and sipped from her glass to calm down a bit. "It´s… well, it´s a bit stupid."

"Tell me then." The younger doctor smiled.

"Ahh… fine." Tia stopped resisting. Rukia would make her tell anyway. That was one of the inconveniences when you were friends with Rukia. She could always make you tell, and it depended only on her if she did or didn´t want to know. "Well, it was… it was a country bar."

Rukia literally burst out laughing. "A COUNTRY BAR?" she repeated, nearly chocking on the image of Tia Halibel wearing a jean skirt, checked shirt, funny hat and a pair of cowboy boots. And it wasn´t such a long time ago. They met… five years before? Just… incredible. Try to imagine amazing and witty psychiatrist in a country bar, flirting with random sexy man with longer hair and deep eyes.

Tia scowled. But then smiled again. "Yeah, I know, right? It´s terrible to imagine… but yeah, I really was like that, back then. I grew up on a farm."

"You did?" Rukia was surprised. Tia never told her about that.

"Yes. It was by the sea, and we had cows, goats and a lake with fish. Funny – I haven´t told you yet?"

"You haven´t." Rukia looked at the approaching waitress. Their food came quicker than she´d think. But, than again, they talked a lot. And she laughed for good five minutes. "All I know is that you´ve studied in Brighton. That´s… UK, right?"

The blonde nodded. "That´s right. Wonderful place, really. Mostly gay couples and extraordinary people, but it is a beautiful and totally stunning city. Plus good collages." A quick mental tour across the Brighton.

The waitress gave them their meals, bowed and went away.

"So," Rukia grabbed her chopsticks and picked up a piece of onion. "You grew up on farm and decided to go to England – just like that?" she asked. It seemed wonderful to her. When she herself was a teen, the only excitement was doing homework and swimming. And not in her own lake.

"No, not really," Tia said, picking up a sticky piece of rice with yellow-red curry sauce, popping it into her mouth. "Woah, this is good – well, I mean, no. My parents sent me to a private school and there my teachers thought I should go." She explained. Rukia started wondering what Tia´s entire life story was. She was too mysterious. She never told her about her puberty or why she never laughed while in public. Or why did she like country bars and Stark. _Well_, Rukia thought, _maybe she just doesn´t like talking about private things. Which is totally okay, because I don´t need to talk about them as well. Maybe if she just… _Actually, the first purpose of this lunch was to tell Tia about all her problems, but Rukia wasn´t really sure if she could tell the woman that she nearly slept with serial killer after sleeping with her boss. Maybe they should just pretend that everything´s fine.

"M-hm." Rukia mumbled, mouth full of seafood that has been in the Ramen just until now. Oh, how much she loved the seafood.

Tia ate another piece of the Szechuan chicken. "So Rukia," she spoke up after chewing all of the meat and rice she´s been holding in her mouth. "What´s new in your life?" she asked eventually. _What a creativity_, she thought to herself.

Rukia shrugged her shoulders. "Nothing really." She said at first.

Tia smiled at her, going back to her meal. Rukia did pretty much the same. She was staring out of the window, watching the sky getting cloudy again. Seriously, did it have to rain all the time? It was making her feel even worse. This lunch was fine, good fun, but now that they ran out of topics to discuss – even though maybe just temporarily – it was getting quite uncomfortable; silence was making her think too much. Suddenly, the important parts of her life came back to her mind and she just wouldn´t get rid of that irritating feeling.

She needed to see Ichigo. She needed to talk to him. She needed to ask questions. She just had to do this.

"I believe I did something really stupid."

The blonde woman looked up from her plate. "Whaddaya mean?" Tia asked with mouth full of rice and curry.

"I mean what I say. I did the mistake of my life." Rukia hid her face in her palms. "Damn, Tia. I screwed up everything." She commented emotionlessly.

The other woman felt confused in that moment. Maybe she was a psychiatrist for more than ten years, but… Rukia could always manage to surprise her with something she haven´t seen before. Damn, how good she was at this. Rukia was never the same actually. But Tia didn´t want her to be. "Want to tell me?" she asked, hoping she could make her friend feel better.

"Well… Remember my friend Nanao?" Rukia asked.

"Umm… the one who made me drink ten shots in three minutes? Sure. She held my hair while I was throwing up in the wardrobe."

They both laughed, remembering the funny moments from Halibel´s thirtieth birthday. Funny story. Halibel didn´t want any kind of celebration or presents, she actually didn´t even mention she had birthday, but Rukia knew and asked Nanao if she could come over to see what they can do for Tia. And, Nanao being Nanao, she brought few things Shunsui gave her for Tia – a woman he´s never seen in his life – saying that this will make her very happy. Nanao happily agreed and the evening could begin. Well, four o´clock in the morning Tia was singing, five o´clock she was telling random people she loved them and nine o´clock (after few fiascos), they got home and Tia did the business with her aching stomach into the wardrobe.

"Yeah, I remember," Tia giggled, despite the fact that this was a serious moment.

Rukia nodded. "Well, you know that Shunsui was her boss, right?"

"Yes, of course. Everyone was talking about it." Tia knew very well. People really _did_ talk about it.

"Well, now they´re getting married."

"What?" Tia nearly chocked on her delicious chicken. "They are – they – are what?"

"Yeah, you heard right," Rukia smiled gently, "Nanao´s getting married. But that´s not the point –"

"NANAO is getting married? Why didn´t you tell me? Oh, I should call her. Damn it Rukia, you never talk about anything. Well, I mean, who would ever guess they´d get married? Shunsui is a real womanizer and Nanao always seemed kind of boring to me, but wow – I really am happy for them!" This was one of those things people usually didn´t know about Tia. She was a marriage addict. She always loved everything about it. Organizing mostly. Actually, there was this evening when she confessed to Rukia she wished to be a marriage organizer.

"Yes, great, but I wanted to say –"

Once again the blonde cut Rukia off. "Wait! Nanao is pregnant? Because if she is she shouldn´t push it, she doesn´t have to marry just to have kid with same name as her own! They can wait and decide on their own, it´s not their responsibility to marry just because of a kid –"

"She is not pregnant." Rukia had to stop her before she could write a whole novel about it.

"She´s not?" Tia blinked, took a deep breath and exhaled in relief. "Good. I wouldn´t want her to be."

"Yeah, great – wait, what?" Rukia paused. "Why not?" she didn´t understand Tia from time to time.

"Well, she´s twenty-seven, right? That´s not time for babies, that´s time for carrier." The blonde said, leaving Rukia quite speechless. For girl who grew up on a farm, she was quite… feministic.

"Aha." Rukia motioned and grinned acidly. "Well, okay but that wasn´t my point. I meant to tell you that dating your boss isn´t a good idea. It doesn´t always turn out like this. Happy ends don´t always come to you. Right? Can you offer a commentary please?"

Tia took a deep breath. "Well," she begun. "I think that it´s not about who you date. I think it´s about what you think of that person yourself. He can be anything, your boss, your subordinate, your anything. It´s about how you feel about him. Of course, as a doctor I don´t believe in love, we know that it´s technically impossible, but I think that there will always be that special someone who you will hold close to your heart without a real explanation of your feelings. So yes Rukia, if the person is the one right for you, you _will_ get a happy end."

"Uh-um. But… if it´s your boss?" she needed to hear a reasonable woman tell her something.

"Why are you asking abut bosses all the time? Are you against Nanao´s marriage to Shunsui?" Tia gave her a suspicious look, holding chopsticks like swords.

"What? No, no, never – I´m happy for them, too, I just… well, it´s… it´s just that I made this weird thing and I don´t know what to do about it." Rukia sighed above the Ramen. She suddenly didn´t feel like eating anymore. Maybe that was why she was still so small and petite. If she ate right like Tia did, she´s have grown better. But every time something got into her head, something she just wasn´t sure if she liked or didn´t like, it made her stop any other actions she needed to keep living. Once she was deeply thinking of something, she stopped eating, talking, going to the toilet, doing all the things normal people did. She closed up to herself and just thought. Then she broke into reality again and started to blame this for her boobies size.

"Rukia," Tia frowned slightly, "if you don´t tell me what mistake it was, I can´t help you." She said absolutely straightly.

The petite woman started to open her mouth to speak, but in the end she let all the held breath out and just smiled not-so-happily. "Oh, you know what?" she sang like they never started this conversation. "I… I don´t think it´s a real problem. I think it´s just some idiocy of mine that I take just way too seriously. Let´s forget about it. It´s not worth spoiling the mood."

Tia shook her head. "You´re doing it again." She noted dryly towards the smaller doctor.

"What – doing what? I´m not doing anything!" Rukia protested vocally.

"Yes you are – you are trying to wipe that away." Tia saw right through her friend. "You little idiot. You can tell ME, you know. Once we´re friends, I don´t judge you."

"And I appreciate that," Rukia said seriously, "but I really don´t need to talk about it. I said what I needed, so now there´s nothing left to talk about. No problems left."

Tia shook her head. "Helpless case, Rukia, like usual." She mumbled dryly.

Rukia smiled sadly. "Hell yeah. Like usual."

"Oh well." Tia smiled too. "if you don´t feel like talking about it, I won´t push it. I don´t want you to feel uncomfortable."

"Thanks, Tia."

"Yeah. Just… can you promise me something?"

"Mm?"

Tia sighed, looking into deep violet ponds. "Promise me that whenever you feel like you need to tell someone, tell _me_."

xOxOxOxOxOx

_The little boy was staring at his own reflection in the old mirror in the abandoned little room. Tears were slowly running down his cheeks as he was trying to choke the pained sobs. He wiped the salty liquid away, looking back into the mirror._

"_What do you want now?*" he asked in a shaky voice, not sure if he wanted to hear the response._

_The voice from the mirror was much heavier, darker and more dangerous. The spiky-haired boy feared it. "Aw, c´mon. That´s not the way you treat your own brother now is it?*" the other boy said, grinning devilishly. "Plus, you should be happy today. Last week out little sisters were born, right?" he added with a painfully touchable evilness in his snaky voice._

_The boy in front of the mirror shook his head. "I am happy. But I´m scared."_

"_Scared?" his reflection laughed at him. "Bro, you really are pathetic. Scared of what? That mommy won´t love you so much anymore? Well, news here, you sucker. She fuckin' won´t. From now on she´ll have better things to do than take care of little kid with his imagination producing stories about his dead twin brother that´s growing up in him and with him. Now she has two pretty little girls that will make her life better. It will make her life complete. And she´ll be much happier to have them than to have YOU."_

_The little boy whimpered. "Why are you saying that?"_

"_You know why? Cause you´re weak. You´re weak like a little slut. Weak like a fucker and a cocksucker. A fucking used whore."_

"_Don´t talk like that, Nii-chan!" the little boy exclaimed, slamming his hand into the mirror. His fist collided with the glass in a painful crash, his small knuckles breaking the fragile material. Several cuts appeared on his delicate skin and the boy couldn´t help but scream as the fresh blood dripped down his small childish hands. _

_His brother´s twisted face was grinning at him from the broken mirror. Part of him was there and part of his was there; he could be seen everywhere, like he was to stay forever._

"_You can´t get rid of ME, you scum."_

"_I CAN! I want you to disappear from my life, Shiro-nii! NOW!"_

"_Darling!" _

_Mom´s voice broke the now one-sided conversation. She pushed the door open and stormed into the dark room, hectically grabbing her son from the ground into her arms._

"_Are you okay darling?" she asked, tears standing in her eyes. She automatically cradled the boy in her arms, her palm caressing his hair softly. Urgently, she got him out of the room._

"_I´m fine," the boy mumbled into her hair. "You don´t have to carry me. I´m old enough to do things for myself."_

_Masaki smiled weakly, letting her baby stand on her own. "You don´t need to be strong, darling." She stroked his arms soothingly. "You´re still just a kid, after all. You can tell your mommy if something´s wrong."_

_The boy shook his head. "Many things are wrong mommy. You know it, I know it, dad knows it. But you have to take care of the twins now, so let me take care of myself from now on."_

_Masaki blinked in surprise. "But – honey, you´re just five! You don´t need to do things on your own. That´s what mums are for – to help their kids…"_

"_But you have Karin and Yuzu now. You have to take care of them." The boy protested._

"_I can handle the three of you, I´m sure." Masaki said with a warm smile._

"_No mommy. You have to give all your time to them. You don´t need me anymore."_

"_What?" Masaki grabbed her son´s wrists. "Who for the love´s sake told you that?" she exclaimed in shock._

_The boy turned his head away, staring into the empty room that was meant to be for his little brother. "… he did."_

Ichigo snapped out into reality as he heard his phone ring. He looked at the object in disgust and fought the urge to throw it out of the window. It was ringing since this morning. Who knows who it was. The number didn´t look familiar. He looked at the noisy thing with a scowl, grabbed it from the little coffee table and switched it off. Much better.

He was sitting in his living room, looking out of the window. It was raining again. They said that the north of the country was completely flooded. And that there might be a hurricane coming very soon. Ichigo wondered what he´d do. He was always scared of stormy weather. And hurricane… he remembered his dad had to give him sleeping pills when he was a child. There was something about the storms he just couldn´t get over.

Ichigo looked at the half-empty bottle of whisky. Next to it was a paper with not very well written letter. He pushed the sudden urge to destroy something aside and tried not to start crying helplessly. He poured himself some more of the alcohol. It was making him oblivious. Putting him into some kind of serenity for few moments before throwing him back into the cruel reality. Ichigo didn´t like alcohol as it was. He actually didn´t even drink it. Just occasionally. For example when his life started to fall apart.

Shiro was there. He was back again. And Ichigo had no idea how to chase him off.

Ichigo looked at the little picture laying next to the scratched letter. It was a tiny woman with the most beautiful features he´s ever seen. Well, maybe there were many more beautiful women, more beautiful than this one, but for Ichigo she was the only one worth looking at. Her perfect giant eyes looking like ponds of sublimed iodine, her beautiful silky hair of the color of raven´s wings, her soft lips pinkish from laugh and happiness.

Shiro wanted to take her away from him. Like usual, he was planning to destroy everything Ichigo had ever loved so dearly. That was so much like his brother.

_What do I do?_ The orange-haired psychiatrist thought helplessly, looking at the picture of the woman he would die for. She was smiling. She looked happy. Oh, how much he wished she was happy. He wished he could make her laugh in pure happiness. He wished it was him, he wished he was the reason of her being happy and carefree and… just free. He wished it from the bottom of his heart. He wished she wouldn´t have to suffer ever again.

But in the end, it was him again who hurt her. It was him who made the mistake. It was only him she saw as the monster. Just like Shiro told him in the letter. It was him who caused her pain and fear. Ichigo would rather tore his heart out than cause her pain. He would do anything – really, really anything – just to make her absolutely happy. He would kill himself if necessary. Because seriously, with Shiro one never knew. He could never be sure when he was himself and when Shiro took over. And, to be honest, Ichigo could remember only certain parts of the time spent with Rukia.

Rukia smiling. Rukia giggling when he was waiting for her in front of the car. Rukia blushing when he took her hand in his.

And then nothing.

Their passionate race was Shiro.

Their heated first kiss was Shiro.

The one who pushed her up against the wall of the swimming pool was Shiro.

The one to make her cry out in pleasure was Shiro.

Their love-making was Shiro.

Ichigo remember how quickly she left. And she went to see Grimmjow. Ichigo covered his watering eyes. Shitty life. It was a shitty life.

And he had hurt her then. He remembered he told her that she should not do it – she should not fall asleep in Grimmjow´s bed.

And then nothing.

Shiro dig his nails into her skin.

Shiro made her bleed.

Shiro made her shiver in pain.

Shiro made her cry.

Shiro made her experience that fear.

But it was him after all. She couldn´t see his twin brother who was the reason to this all. She would never know that Shiro was the one who wanted to get revenge on Ichigo by using him to hurt Rukia. Rukia would think he was a monster. And in the end, she´d run away and never see him again. Shiro would win. Win again. Ichigo wished he could tell her, but as a psychiatrist, she would make him pay the prize for not telling sooner.

He smiled sadly.

_Oi Grimmjow… If you ever hear this, though it´s pretty impossible, I want you to let Rukia fix you. I want you to let her cure you. I want you to get well and then make her feel like a real queen. I hope you understand me, though I kind of doubt that. But anyway. I want her to be happy. If not with me, then with you. I have no idea what kind of relationship you two have, what kind of bond is stretched between you and her, but I want you to keep it. And I want you to protect her when Shiro takes over again._

Ichigo shook his head. He was slowly sliding into the sea of insanity. One day, he would be laying in a hard and uncomfortable white bed, under cold sheets and on a dusty pillow. One day he´d hear a knock on the door and a beautiful lady would come in. She´d have a ring on her slender finger, glasses on her nose and a photo of a cute kid in her wallet. She´d ask how he felt and he´d say he felt fine. She´d ask what was new and he´d say that nothing had changed. He´d say he still loved her more than anything. And she would smile and give him his pills.

"I´m pitiful." He murmured into the darkness of the living room. He emotionlessly looked at the cell phone laying on the coffee table. Leaning into the sofa, the pressure from his back loosened a little. Ichigo reached out and touched the cold object. He took his iPhone and searched through the contacts until he got to the 'R' section. He pressed the green button on the screen.

"So damn pitiful," he mumbled before it threw him into the voice box.

xOxOxOxOxOx

Another rainy day. That was just that kind of day you´d gladly sleep through. Rainy days were ideal for relax; or depression. For most people, counting pregnant women or late mothers, it was the depression. For the rest of the world, counting teens or normal working people, it was the second option. People were happy to take a while and rest their aching back, they were pleased to see the world stop for a moment to enjoy the rain. All in once, rain wasn´t such a bad thing. Mostly, people liked it. Sure, in those stupid women´s magazines they were talking about the rain as of the source of all your emotional problems, but that was just a bunch of rubbish talk. Not many people actually believed it. They were buying the magazines, but didn´t believe a word they read.

For Grimmjow, it was either relax and depression. He didn´t listen to that women´s talk. He never did, after all. But rain was bringing him back his childhood memories; and that was making him regret everything else. His childhood was actually quite happy, seeing that he had the most precious person of his life always by his side. But that was the only happy thing about it. Grimmjow never was the one to recount his life, but during the rain, it came by itself.

He slowly opened his azure blue eyes. Staring at the colorless ceiling, he thought of his old home; he was born in Paris, despite the fact that his mother was Spanish and his father German. He couldn´t remember the first three years of his life, but his very first childhood memory was a salty tea. Mom accidentally put in a salt instead of sugar. It was in one of their many apartments. Paris, nearby Mullen Rouge. Old ugly house with a white ceiling in their bedroom. Actually, the apartment had just two rooms. The bedroom and kitchen combined with everything else. They never had money to waste.

"You have to be a good boy when daddy comes back, Grimm." Mom used to say every time his father was about to come home. Sometimes she was holding his small baby hands in hers and she was crying. Grimmjow sighed. She never was a strong person. If she was, she´d grab a gun and kill that bastard. She´d take her son with her and leave. Maybe go back to Madrid to live with her family. So many things might have been different if she was just a bit stronger. And less naïve. She always thought father might change. She thought that with the baby on the way, he´d stop all his… actions. But he didn´t. If anything, it became even worse.

As Grimmjow was growing up, father started drinking more and more. He became more aggressive. He blamed him and Teresa for having no money, he blamed them for having to move because they couldn´t afford to stay, he blamed them for losing his own job. Grimmjow was four when he first hit Mom. That was when he came home, drunk like never before. He yelled at her, called her names Grimmjow didn´t understand, he screamed that it was all her fault that they were broke. Grimmjow could remember very clearly what happened then; he pulled Mom´s hair and threw her against the wall.

For some time they lived in Germany. And that was when it all got completely fucked up. Father started to hang with wrong people; they still worshipped Hitler, believed he was right, that he was the leader. He became more aggressive. Beating Mom up became daily routine. She used to cry through the night and laugh through the days so Grimmjow didn´t have to be scared. He was six when he found out what were the screams he sometimes heard. No squirrels or cats or neighbors. It was Mommy, getting nearly killed because of her naturally hot temper. Once she said that Nazism sucked and nearly never saw the daylight again.

But then the brighter days came. When they moved again. It was a quiet suburb far far away from Germany, or Europe, for that matter. They lived in a house of four heels, but who cared? Just few kilometers away, across the forest, lived the Kuchiki family.

He was almost eight when he first met Rukia. She was only five, but incredibly intelligent. Since their first meeting she started to boss him around; and never stopped. She was short-tempered, stubborn, bossy and pushy. But from the moment he saw her he knew he wanted her around for the rest of his life. They were best friends, though from two completely different families. Who cared? They parents didn´t know about their friendship. Only Rukia´s older brother Byakuya knew, and he was fine with it. Rukia didn´t have many friends, actually, she didn´t have any friends, and she was beginning to isolate herself from the world. So her big brother was just happy to see her with someone, just playing and being so happy and carefree.

Grimmjow closed his eyes and grinned. They were once engaged. For more than three minutes. Then he accidentally bumped into her sandcastle and marriage was over.

But all in once, she was the only thing that turned out right in his life. She was his everything during his time in the suburb. She meant so much for him; no one could imagine how much exactly. He sometimes wondered how it was even possible to care about someone so much. He would do anything for her. He loved her so much his heart hurt every time he saw her. Every time he saw her cry his heart sunk. He´d do anything, anything in the world, just to make her happy. He couldn´t take even the smallest thought of Rukia being in pain for any reason.

But then everything started to fall apart – again. He was fourteen. And somehow he happened to learn that his Mom had a breast cancer. She´s had it since three years ago but never told him. After all, before that moment it wasn´t so bad. But it started to spread to all the other viscera. She had to take very strong pills with many side effects. Her hair started to fall and she turned into a little helpless bunch of nerves. Grimmjow never stopped loving her, but he hated her for leaving him. Every night he sat by her bed, holding her hand and singing her songs. In the morning he used to draw her pictures and write short stories. And during the rest of the day he trained. Trained to become stronger and fearless. He knew he had to protect her from his father. He was furious because he had to pay for the pills. He refused paying the treatment, so they could only wait. Grimmjow hated his father for that more than for anything else.

His father was a totally useless product of a broken household. Nazi creep. He never cared for Grimmjow´s Mom. It made the man wonder how did it happen. How such a beautiful and loving woman happened to get married to such a monster. Yes, she was naïve, but she wasn´t stupid. Maybe blinded by the love she felt for him. Maybe poisoned by the passion she had in her heart. But it was never given back to her. It seemed to be one-sided. Grimmjow never saw father take Mom´s hand, kiss her or tell her he cared about her. He never saw him do anything besides beating her up.

But he could _leave_ that all. He might happen to understand. He might learn how to forgive him. Grimmjow believed, in the bottom of his heart, that his father actually wasn´t such a bad man. Maybe he was just underestimated. Nobody never understood him. Whatever. Maybe Mom was right about the fact that she could fix him.

But all these slightly positive thoughts disappeared when his father refused to 'give Mom the luxury of going for a treatment'. Grimmjow wanted to kill him for that.

And then one day Rukia told him she was leaving. They were moving. Byakuya needed to live closer to the university.

That night was the first in his life when he cried in front of someone. He just couldn´t help himself. His Mom was dying and the only person he had ever loved truthfully was leaving, disappearing from his life. Even though she promised to still be in touch with him, he knew very well she wouldn´t keep her promise. She´d have better life from now on; a life he didn´t belong in.

And Rukia just stroked his hair until he fell asleep.

Shortly after she left, his Mom died. Since then nothing was the same. Father stopped working, just kept drinking. One night he nearly killed his own son. Even though Grimmjow was practicing every day, building his body and muscles into perfection, working hard to be as strong as he wished he was to protect his Mom, he was helpless against a loaded gun. He had no idea his father was carrying one; until a bullet ran through his stomach. Luckily, their neighbors quite liked Grimmjow; he used to help them with moving heavy things. They called the ambulance and saved his life.

It wasn´t so long time after that affair when the worst day of Grimmjow´s entire life came. The accident. Rukia´s accident. It was written all over the newspaper. It was in the TV news, too. There was no way he wouldn´t find out. And when he did, the world stopped. Nothing else mattered. He jumped on the first train to the hospital.

And she didn´t remember him.

His heart broke that day. And never had the chance to be fixed again.

He was seventeen when he first killed somebody. His father, actually. Something in him broke that night. His soul had been caused a serious damage. Something was wrong. He no more had normal emotions. He didn´t feel anything. His world happened to be all the different shades of grey, but nothing more. Only when he killed; when he could run the knife through somebody´s stomach, he felt free. Like there was nothing else.

And this went on for ten more years. Living. Killing. Living. Killing. Living. Killing.

Life and death.

And life and death.

And death and life.

Until he thought up his master plan. He came to the city where he knew Rukia worked as a psychiatrist. He waited. He waited for those idiots to take him to the love of his life.

And he did the best job possible to get her back.

And there he was. In his boring room, in his sweaty clothes, thinking of the most important person of his life. Yesterday he nearly had her. Nearly. He wondered what would he do if they actually _managed_ to do it. But they didn´t so everything could start once again. Gaining her trust, making her want him, gaining her passion, getting her love, tasting her skin, teasing her body, twisting her mind, losing her again.

Bloody hell.

After some time, Grimmjow fell asleep. Not thinking of anything that was bothering him, he dreamt of happy life. The life he could have if his mum was stronger and braver. He didn´t blame her, he just wished he was never freaking born. He was laying calmly and thinking of all the things and possibilities, unconsciously having his mind slip into thoughts of Rukia again… That was, until something woke him up.

There was a teal-haired kid on his stomach.

"Master Gwimmjow?" the kid asked, chewing on Grimmjow´s t-shirt. Her eyes were big and wide and totally adorable. Grimmjow was looking at the baby girl that somehow happened to be in his room in shock, his eyes locked with her two deep sandy deserts. His usual reaction would be to shout and push the kid away, maybe even throw it away, but at this point he was just way too shocked.

He blinked before showing any response. "Eh… here?" he tried.

"I´m Neliel." The kid murmured with mouth full of his t-shirt.

Grimmjow shook his head, his eyes even wider than hers. "Wha – no, you´re not. You´re that kid Rukia talks about so much. Nel." He said firmly, ready to believe his own version.

"That´s something Miss Kuchiki says. But that´s not why I´m hewe." The little girl said, still eating his t-shirt.

"Hey – will you stop that? – what are you doing here anyway? Shouldn´t you be somewhere else? Your room, for example?" Grimmjow was getting a little confused. How in the world did that kid get here? The employees of the hospital were everywhere – except for the third floor – and Grimmjow highly doubted they would miss little kid in a hospital clothing. They should notice small freak when she´s walking right in front of them. Though since Grimmjow got here, and that wasn´t so long ago, he had already learned that this wasn´t very normal hospital. People indeed were weird. Even for someone like him.

"No." Nel said, suddenly all serious. She stopped chewing Grimmjow´s cloth and sat up on his belly, her knees digging into his ribs.

"Ow!" Grimmjow protested vocally. "Will you behave like a normal kid? Stop crawling around me!" he complained, trying to rub the pain off.

Nel shook her head, giving him that 'you are indeed a hopeless case' look. "Listen to me, Master Grimmjow."

Grimmjow gave her another everything-saying look. 'What the heck, kiddo?' it said. "Why in the world would I –"

"There´s no time for your complains, Master Grimmjow." The little girl said like she was the boss of him. Though Grimmjow must have admit that she was really _respectful_. Even as a kid. And officially kid with a mental disorder. "You just need to listen." She added, her big cute eyes seriously concerned.

"Sure, whatever you say, kid." Grimmjow grumbled, feeling absolutely ridiculous. There was a kid on his stomach, trying to give him a friendly advice about who the hell knows what. Maybe even persuade him his fate by looking at his palm, because this just couldn´t get crazier anymore.

Nel tossed her head to the side. "Miss Kuchiki is in a great danger." She said, immediately catching his attention.

"What?" the blue-haired man barked in shock. "What the f – kid, are you trying to mess with my head? What´s with my Rukia?" this was way out of line.

Nel nodded. "You heard me. Miss Kuchiki is in danger."

"What freaking kind of danger?" Grimmjow cried, fighting away the urge to grab the little girl´s arms and shake with her tiny body. He´d most likely break her bones like that.

Nel´s face saddened slightly. "I saw it, Master Grimmjow. I saw it all. I saw the man with gold eyes. And I know he´s after Miss Kuchiki."

"What the fuck? What man?" Grimmjow was getting desperate. Rukia was endangered. And that kid sounded damn confident. She was starting to convince him.

"I don´t know him," the girl said sadly. "I just know he´s really creepy. And that he´s after Miss Kuchiki."

xOxOxOxOxOx

Byakuya was furious. But in his own Byakuya-Kuchiki-way. He didn´t throw plates across the kitchen. He didn´t yell and tear random things apart. He was a calm and well-balanced gentleman, after all, so this certainly wasn´t the part of his manners. His own specific way of being furious was much more taunting and tormenting. Rukia couldn´t remember when exactly did she become so scared of him when he was raging, but it must have started with as childhood fear, because she had no idea how to explain herself being freaked out by a silence.

That was the evil Byakuya Kuchiki´s way of being furious. He stopped talking. He was staring into space, sitting opposite to Rukia in the living room, just breathing soundlessly and tormenting her with his elegant disinterest and nonchalance. Rukia simply couldn´t bear that. Her brother sitting just few feet away from her; just like this, like he wanted to make her freaking head explode. Maybe he did. Maybe he was using some kind of superpower of his to make it happen. Maybe all it took was thinking really hard about it. Rukia could easily picture Byakuya imagining her head exploding like a time bomb.

That was the way of Byakuya´s raging.

Rukia knew it very well, and hated it ever since he has started to practice it on her. There weren´t many things worse than this; but what was worse was her friend Nanao who had no idea what this weird behavior meant.

All evening she was blabbering about the wedding. The three of them were sitting in the living room, Nanao and Rukia on the green sofa and Byakuya on the lavender armchair, and from the second they sat down, Nanao hasn´t shut up. Rukia´s head was indeed about to explode under the flood of the wedding dresses, flowers and decorations Nanao was showing her. It seemed that the young woman had been planning her wedding from the very first moment she found out what boys were for. Nanao was never this nervous or excited about things; most of the time she was sober and reasonable. That was actually the reason why she caught Shunsui´s attention – from the two of them he was the irresponsible and childish one. But seeing her now, Rukia couldn´t almost recognize her.

She wasn´t wearing her usual black women suit or black thighs. Her elegant blazer was gone. Her businesslike topknot was gone. She was wearing cute yellow undershirt, had no bra on (she always thought Byakuya had no genitals), and pair of piggy slippers. Pink piggy slippers. Her hair was loose, springing down her firm shoulders – Rukia never noticed how beautiful hair Nanao had – and she changed her small professional glasses with big nerdy ones. She was sitting in a mountains of various wedding magazines, talking about best suiting music for all generations. She had trouble finding the best band to play there, because she doubted her old aunties and uncles would appreciate Rolling Stones.

"How about Lionel Richie?" Rukia suggested motionlessly, staring out of the window. She would look anywhere except for Byakuya. He was just way too scary.

Nanao thought for a second, focusing her sight onto a picture of beautiful white dress with black ornaments on the bottom hem. "How about these?" she asked, digging her finger into the page with the dress she liked. "I´m sure my relatives would forget about the Rolling Stones if I was wearing these." She said, obviously actually considering this opportunity. Rukia prayed she never had to marry. This looked mind-blowing.

She nodded friendly, trying to support her friend in everything she wanted to do, let it be the craziest thing in the whole universe. "Sure, I guess that would do." She said with a warm smile, looking at the dress. Well, it would look really good on Nanao.

"Oh dear God, what am I thinking! Auntie Bernadette would never overhear something like Rolling Stones! Maybe she can´t hear me when I´m speaking to her right next to her ear, but I´m pretty sure Mick Jagger would give her the goddamn sense of hearing back!" Nanao made a crazy poker face and closed the wedding magazine. She screwed her eyes closed and opened the magazine on a completely random page.

Rukia shook her head, thinking Nanao was crazy. She looked into the magazine. On that random page Nanao choose was a very simple yet incredibly lovely dress. Creamy white, with a pea green sash right under the breast. Nanao was staring at it in an amazement, obviously absolutely shocked that all she had to do was close her eyes and try something totally random. Life is sometimes crazy.

The taller woman grinned widely. "I think we´re done for the evening!" she sang happily, throwing the magazine away right after ripping that one page out. "And they´re not even that expensive!" she exclaimed and looked at Rukia like she was the reason to her absolute joy. "Rukia, I found the champion! And tomorrow you got to come with me to see the gardener –"

"Hey Nanao," Rukia cut her off, which she didn´t do very often. "I was wondering. Who´s paying for the wedding?"

Nanao blinked several times. There were three things you never talked about; money, religion and politics. Maybe between really really good friends, but seeing that Rukia and Nanao were both from very strict families, it wasn´t really something they´d be used to. They´ve known each other for more than six years now, but still, they were only discovering all the things friendship could bring them. It wasn´t really their cup of tea, something they knew very well from everyday experiences. But! They were trying. Questions like these were helping a lot.

"Well," Nanao had to catch a breath before answering. "Shunsui´s family is. I thought we were going to have just a small wedding, almost anonymous, but Shu says he wants to have a big parade to make people see that he´s really serious and proud about it. I thought it was stupid and kind of showing-off, but in the end I thought it was actually kind of cute. I´m not against it. At least I can have my special day really special." She explained with a serene smile, looking at the small photo of her and Shunsui in her wallet.

Rukia has found herself smiling, too. She always felt so happy when her friends were happy themselves. "That´s great, Nanao-chan." She said in a cute sugar-coated voice, hugging Nanao tightly. She absolutely forgot about Byakuya who was still sitting there, completely motionless and silent. Oh, who cares about bitchy men?

Maybe the people who have to live in the same house with them.

"How long is this going to continue?" Byakuya couldn´t resist anymore. He just had to ask. Being the proud man, he couldn´t leave as the first one. He had to wait until the girls were done and then go to sleep himself. It would be a total disaster for his selfish soul to leave earlier than the two women chatting about high heels and lipsticks.

Rukia´s eyes widened. She suddenly came to realize that they weren´t alone in the living room. She jumped up a bit, totally freaked out by her brother, and looked at Nanao who was looking at her in exchange. "E-ehh…" she turned her sights back to Byakuya again, her face red as tomato. "We-well, we… we were just about to… to… uhh… go? Right, Nanao?" she turned back to her friend who obviously had no idea what was going on. This was a natural catastrophe, but that gave Nanao no clue. The only thing she might consider a catastrophe these days was probably bad shade of pink for her roses.

The ebony-haired woman looked at Rukia with a wide and not-understanding eyes. "Eh… were we? I thought we will –"

"YEAH!" Rukia cut her off again before Byakuya would start his creepy technique again. "Nanao thought we will clean up the kitchen before we go to sleep, brother. She… eeeh… she likes to clean up before she goes to sleep, and so do I!" Rukia exclaimed, failing on making it look like a real excitement. First, it was late in the night, and second, who could be ever excited about cleaning up a kitchen that hasn´t been cleaned up in months?

Well, maybe not months, but… long enough. "Y-Yeah…" Nanao nodded slowly, shooting deadly glares at Rukia, who was grinning almost painfully.

But her charade seemed to work on Byakuya. He nodded calmly, standing up from his armchair. "Very well." He said simply, turning on his heel and disappearing in the darkness of the staircase to the second floor.

"B-Brother!" Rukia called after him, like a good sister who indeed cares. "Would you like a cup of tea?" she asked with a trembling voice. _Please don´t let him want one!_ She thought desperately, unable to imagine herself walking into the man´s room. She hasn´t been there since she was sixteen.

Byakuya paused, standing half-way up the stairs. "I wouldn´t mind having a nice cup of tea before going to sleep. I hope you know how to prepare it."

And with that, he was gone.

Rukia looked at Nanao who was looking at her again.

"I´M NOT GOING!" Rukia screamed, running into the kitchen.

"WHAT?" Nanao yelled after her, jumping up off the sofa, running after her. "Rukia! Get back here! I´m not going into Byakuya´s room!"

Rukia quickly put the kettle on, jumping across the dinner table before Nanao could manage to grab her around the waist and kill her with a kitchen knife. "You can never force me to go there, either!" she yelled fiercely and slid across the wooden floor, successfully escaping Nanao who had trouble running in her piggy slippers.

"Get back here! This was YOUR goddamn idea!" the taller doctor growled, reaching out and grabbing Rukia´s t-shirt.

With a terrible noise they collided with the hard floor and with each other. Rukia was laughing like a freak, and so was Nanao.

"Off! I´m… puff… I´m not… phew! You´re still pretty quick! I´m not going into your brother´s room…" Nanao puffed heavily, trying to catch the breath.

"Ehh…" Rukia took a deep breath, her lungs being set on fire. "I… I don´t think I can manage to get in there, either." She commented in exhaustion.

"What? But you asked him yourself. Didn´t you know what are you doing?" Nanao asked, rolling off of her.

"Well, I just thought it might be nice and polite to ask him, that´s all. I didn´t think it through." Rukia mumbled.

"Hell right you didn´t." Nanao sighed. "Now he have to choose the most scientific option how to decide this."

"Rock-paper-scissors?"

"Rock-paper-scissors."

The tea was already finished and the decision was made. Nanao lost, therefore it was her job to go into Byakuya´s room and deal with it. She didn´t even protest; they had certain rules since they were friends. For example, when one loses rock-paper-scissors, the most scientific solution of problems, he has to deal with it. That was the rule. Nanao learned that arguing with Rukia wasn´t a good idea. Maybe she was small and cute, but she could be really stubborn and bigmouthed. And she could kick and punch really hard, if she wanted.

Nanao left and Rukia victoriously jumped onto the sofa again, happily snuggling into the small violet pillow. Hell yeah. That was the life.

She turned the TV on, smiling to herself. Nanao would probably kill her later, but for now she was at least safe from Byakuya.

Seriously. Bitchy Byakuya is nothing you want to deal with.

She was resting on the sofa, monitoring the situation on TV, when she heard a door bell ring.

"Na?" she called. "Are you waiting for someone?" she asked into the dark house.

"No!" came the quiet response. Nanao appeared on the stairs. "Hey Rukia, I´m really sleepy. I´m going to sleep in your bed, if you don´t mind."

"You´re not going to do any kind of a payback?" Rukia asked in surprise.

"Heh," Nanao yawned. "Not today, Ru. I gotta go to sleep. I´m dead. I spent the day laying in magazines."

"Very stressful."

Nanao giggled. "So you don´t mind if I use your bed, do ou?"

"Sure I don´t," Rukia said. "You slept there the night before, didn´t you?"

"Yeah, but you weren´t home." Nanao defended.

"Well, do as you please."

Nanao waved her good night and disappeared again. Rukia sighed, getting up from the sofa. She came closer to the door.

"Who is it?" she asked.

"Miss Kuchiki? Is that you?" a not-so-familiar old raspy voice asked.

Rukia stepped back. "Yes it is." She said cautiously, grabbing the first heavy thing that came under her hand. It was most likely her old biology textbook.

"This is Dr. Kurosaki. I need to talk to you."

xOxOxOxOxOx

**Okie Here we go!**

**So… how was it? Good enough to make you review? I hope so :D**

**If you want to ask anything, go ahead and do it. I swear I´m going to answer every PM. And if I don´t, you have my permission to think ugly things of me :D**

**Btw, you will get some sweet IchiRuki** **very soon. Some people complained to me that it´s not IchiRuki, so I shall make it mooooooar IchiRuki for you guys. And you probably won´t be getting many pomegranates (I really am not gonna call it a lemon anymore) anytime soon. We need to work on the serious stuff!**

**SO! Ask anything you want, I´m ready! **

**AND REVIEW! IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY!**


	9. Could have been a princess

**So there you go, your ninth chapter. I hope you will enjoy. A lot of psycho-talk! **

xOxOxOxOxOx

Rukia´s eyes widened. Dr. Kurosaki?

She slowly set the biology textbook aside, unlocking the heavy wooden door. There, as she opened them, she saw a man in his early fifties, his black hair slowly turning grey and his eyes growing tired. Rukia made a shocked face, looking down at the man on the first stair to the terrace. He was wearing a long grey coat, black pants and black shoes, and to Rukia´s surprise, a black hat. She´d almost expect an cylinder, but that would be too much even for Dr. Kurosaki. He took down his hat and bowed slightly to her, shocking the girl even more. He was just like from the 19th century, and she was wearing pink shorts with bunnies and a text on her butt. 'Sleepy', it said in a funny font.

"Dr. Kurosaki?" she repeated after him, cocking a brow.

Suddenly, his I´m-a-gentleman-of-the-decade expression turned into a goofy grin. "Well hello, Rukia-chan! Don´t you tell me you don´t remember!" he sang.

Her jaw dropped before she could gather herself up to respond. "Eh… I – err, yes, of course I do remember, Mr. Kurosaki. It´s not that long, right?" some painful memories from the day when she learned that her brother is ill came back to her mind and she scowled. It really wasn´t such a long time ago.

"Indeed, you were, well, sixteen, weren´t you? What a strong young lady you used to be. And I bet you still are!" He commented, stepping up the stairs to the terrace. _I wish_, the younger psychiatrist thought melancholically. "But hey," the man on her terrace said, "Rukia, I think we should talk a bit. It´s important."

Said psychiatrist widened her already-wide violet eyes. "Talk? It´s kind of… you know… eleven in the evening. What is _that _important?" she didn´t mean to be rude, not at all, but all the talking about wedding dress made her really tired. You could never imagine how exhausting is figuring out the exact difference between sleeved or sleeveless. Rukia had her mind full of white puffy fabrics, and even though she always liked to talk to Dr. Kurosaki – seeing that he wasn´t just an old freaky man, but also a great doctor – right now she highly doubted she might pay enough attention. Actually, she was afraid she might fall asleep at the sound of his kind voice, and that would be really embarrassing.

"Well," Isshin paused for a moment, his eyes wandering from Rukia to the inside of the house. "May I come in?" he asked, kind of in rush. It was quite cold outside, the skies seemed that they decided to surprise them with snow tonight. Plus you never know who´s hiding behind the trees. He thought it would be much wiser to talk inside, although it was past eleven in the night. If this wasn´t so urgent, he wouldn´t dare to disturb Rukia this late in the night. He would wait and maybe catch her in the office – then discuss what was needed to be discussed. But this was extremely _pressing_. Any time they could save was a huge plus for both.

Rukia blinked, but got out of the way. "S-sure…" she mumbled, not actually very sure about what should she think. Well, an old sort-of-a-friend appears at the door in the middle of the night and asks to come in because he needs to talk about something. What would be so acute to make the sleep-loving Dr. Kurosaki come in this time of the day to have a friendly conversation?

Well, on the other hand, it might not be that friendly. Dr. Kurosaki liked to discuss business stuff – doctor stuff, more precisely. Once he was talking for about three hours about a man who thought his cat had the soul of his dead wife in it. That time, Rukia really nearly feel asleep. But she was a teen back then and had no idea she was going to be a psychiatrist one day. This all seemed like a bunch of bullshits to her in those times.

The tall man stepped into the warm house, taking off his long grey coat. He sighed as his frozen flesh started to gain some heat again. He turned around to face the tiny doctor in her sleeping 'uniform' and grinned goofily. Rukia was always so fun to see, though she never realized that. She indeed was sweet. Many people thought so. He made himself comfortable on the sofa and waited for the young woman to sit opposite to him in the armchair.

"So," she spoke up in a suspicious tone, "what is it that brought you here, Dr. Kurosaki?" she asked slowly.

He smiled more gently. "I apologize for disturbing your sleep, but if it could possibly wait, I definitely would save it for the next day – but it certainly cannot wait, therefore I need to talk to you right now." He explained and took a quick look around. The house was clean and bright, just as he remembered. They didn´t change many things, just added few of them. Some new clothes, some books, some flowers and some of Rukia´s things from or for work. Textbooks, scientific books from famous psychiatrists, few more things he couldn´t recognize and if he did, he´d probably call them 'useless girl stuff'.

Rukia shook her head lightly. "That´s alright. I believe you wouldn´t want to disturb anything if the reason wasn´t indeed so urgent."

He nodded. "Thank you, Rukia. I´m glad you understand. And I strongly hope you won´t get angry with me for talking about thing like _this_."

"Feel free to talk about anything you like." _Just be quick about it, I wanna sleep._

The older man sighed. He looked at the girl just like he did eight years ago, when he was about to tell her about Byakuya´s illness. His eyes held some kind of solitude within, yet they were serene and truthful. But also there was a sparkle of a slight pain. Pain she wouldn´t be able to describe even if she wanted to. He wasn´t supposed to feel pain; she didn´t need him to feel pain. She could deal with her own pain herself. Yet, he still had this look in his face. Like he exactly knew what she was about to feel when he´d finally get to the business. "You see, Rukia," he began slowly, "I know you´ve been… _seeing_ my son lately." He noticed her shocked face. She was about to speak up but he continued talking before she could start lying that she did not. "Don´t worry though. You´ve known each other for quite a long time, so I guess it´s nothing like a momentous passion. You´re too smart for that."

She nodded slowly, letting him keep on talking.

Dr. Kurosaki leaned more into the sofa, rubbing his eyes. It was really quite late, even for him and even though this seemed to be serious. "I know it´s been just few short days, and I know it´s been quite weird and like on a seesaw."

Rukia blinked yet again. He never ceased to surprise her. "How do you – you´ve been talking to Ichigo?" oh, she just couldn´t and didn´t want to even imagine Ichigo talking to his dad about her. Dammit, they slept together! She swore if she found out that he told his dad _this_, she would…

"I have not." Dr. Kurosaki mumbled, his goofy and cheerful face quickly turning into a concerned frown. "But yesterday he asked me to come see him."

"See him?" she repeated. "About what?"

"I will probably never find out…"

"What?" Rukia jumped up at this. "Is he hurt – wait, I talked to him today in the morning – is… is he okay?" even though she wasn´t sure about her own emotions anymore, she still cared; Ichigo meant something to her and she just couldn´t help but worry.

Isshin nodded. "He´s fine, Rukia. From the physical state, at least."

Rukia didn´t know what to say. Or think, for that matter. The only thing she could think of was Ichigo´s hazel eyes turning bright gold occasionally.

"I know you´re not stupid, Rukia. I know you must have noticed that things are not quite usual when it comes to my son." Now she was absolutely sure why could she see the sparkle of pain in his eyes. This was not about her and her stupid selfish problems; Dr. Kurosaki came to her because he was frightened – frightened that there was something wrong with his son. That something was about to happen to his child. She had to fight the urge to grab his hand and sing a lullaby to him. He seemed like a big ugly teddy bear to her.

"I had… noticed something, yes." She had to agree on that. There really was something wrong with Dr. Kurosaki´s son. Not that she could name it or put her finger on it. It wasn´t something one could see. Eyes weren´t enough. Eyes weren´t anything. But ever since their first night together, she felt that Ichigo wasn´t a regular man. He was rather unique. She wasn´t that close to him, yet, as a doctor, woman and potential girlfriend, she could tell that there was something about him that one could label. Isshin was right – she wasn´t stupid. She could see this.

Isshin looked away. "I don´t know how much time have you spent with him, or how long have you known him –"

"It´s fourteen months. Over fourteen months." She said automatically. She knew exactly when she joined the 'asylum team'.

The man sighed. "Yes, I though so."

"Hm? I´m afraid I don´t understand." Rukia was confused, as usual when it came to Dr. Kurosaki. He was one of a hella mysterious man. And he loved it.

"Ichigo… he´s known you for much much longer." He said, not explaining things too much. "You know, when your brother fell ill, I was trying my best to keep him safe and alright, which, as you probably can remember, involved keeping eye on you. That was Byakuya´s wish. That´s probably why Ichigo might seem to be very well aware of all your personal things." The older doctor said, leaving Rukia pretty much speechless. She was staring at him in shock, unable to understand – it was like he was talking in a different language. She just didn´t get it.

"You… I – "

"Please don´t be mad with him – this all has a very good reason to it."

"Oh does it?" she asked, somewhat bewildered look playing across her face in that second. "I´d love to hear that."

"I suppose you deserve a good explanation, but as a psychiatrist I am pretty sure you won´t like it." He suggested slowly. "But I wish to – at least – help you understand. I wish to tell you something about my son you would probably never find out on your own. If you agree, of course."

"As I said," she groaned, "I´d love to hear it." She was sarcastic, but her mind told her to get serious. Maybe now she will get the final conclusion.

"Very well then. But in that case I would appreciate it if you let me finish."

"Please."

The tall doctor nodded. He gave the young female a reassuring look, trying to tell her this is how it has to be. He hoped she would listen to him. And even more he hoped she would have the will to help him.

"I shall begin from the very start – from the day I met my dear wife, Masaki. Her father was Japanese, but her mother was German – Masaki herself was kindhearted like her father used to be, and hot-tempered like her mother was. She was a wonderful person and the best wife I could ever hope for. We got married shortly after we met, we were so in love. I knew that this woman was the one and only one I wanted to spend my life with, so I never hesitated. For some time we were staying in Tokyo, but Masaki was missing Germany, so we moved. The house I bought was in the mountains, by a lovely river and in the middle of a amazingly pure and calming scenery. Masaki used to say that there was no other place she could be so happy in."

"Time was passing quite quickly, me leaving every morning for the work in nearby city and Masaki taking care of the house and garden. And not so long after we had moved in, we found out we were quite lonely. In that big silent house we heard nothing more than our own steps and sighs, and we did nothing but smile at each other. We loved each other very dearly, we were perfectly happy – it was one of those cases when two people meet, and immediately learn that they were meant for each other. This was us. We were always meant to be together. Masaki and I… our bond happened to exist in a short period of time, yet every time I connected my eyes with her, I felt my heart exploding because there was so much of love in it. But still – in that house at the top of the mountains, it was a quite lonely life. Therefore, we decided to start a family. Neither of us was young and carefree anymore, so there was no reason to wait. But Masaki, being raised in the valleys and around the rivers, in the middle of endless lawns, had big problems with actually getting pregnant. We lived high above the sea level she was used to, witch was somehow effecting her system. We were trying over and over, for more than year, but nothing was happening. We were about to give up trying, Masaki had even put up with the fact that we would stay living alone together. She was thinking of getting us a dog. But then, just as all the hopes were disappearing after nothing seemed to work, Masaki told me she was pregnant."

"There was no happier time for the two of us than after this. I got a higher position in my work so I could work less hours and be with my wife more, but I still had enough money for our starting family. Masaki was staying in the house, happily taking care of herself and everything else – she loved being pregnant and absolutely enjoyed her time. She had no depressions, no hormonal seesaws – she was simply happy. She was waking up with a huge smile on her face and fell asleep with the exact same expression in her face. Long story short, I guess that was the happiest time of our lives. No bad news, no bad events – nothing was the same as before. You know the times when you feel absolutely happy, but the world around you seems to be getting more and more screwed up? That wasn´t our case. The entire world seemed to settled down for a moment, just to let us have the time of our lives."

Rukia realized she was smiling, watching Isshin´s face. She was picturing his happy time with his beloved wife Masaki, Ichigo´s mum. How happy they must have been. Isshin´s tired face was brighter and softer, the paleness was suddenly gone as he was talking about this. That was what they called love. Rukia was smiling because she finally understood a bit.

The man spoke up again.

"But then something went wrong." Isshin shivered slightly at the memory of that night. "The Gods probably decided that we had enough of the happy days. I have no better explanation for this, and I´m a doctor. I never believed in God, yet, this is all I would assume. There´s no way for me to offer something logical for you to work with. Masaki seemed perfectly fine, none of us would ever even think that something could possibly go wrong. Yet it did. One night, 7th of July, she suddenly cried out in pain and collapsed to the ground. Just out of blue, like an invisible knife went through her stomach. I had no idea what was happening, I panicked. My beloved wife and our two sons, twins, were endangered. I called for help, but they wouldn´t get there quickly enough – so I took the risk of delivering the babies at our house. As you know, I am a neurosurgeon, therefore I had just basic knowledge of baby delivery. I was frightened to the death and for some reason, I stopped thinking of my sons – I just wanted Masaki to live. I saw her lips going blue and I thought that if she died that night, there would be no reason for me to live on. I still feel the shame for this, though. Eventually, the help did come, but too late; one of the babies didn´t survive."

Rukia was staring at the man before her in a state of total shock. This, on the first glance happy and well-balanced guy, was… was… this man had been through this all? That seemed more than impossible.

"Dr. Kurosaki I… I´m so sorry…" was all she managed to say.

He shook his head dismissively. "No, that is not your fault. Not even mine – I´ve blamed myself for a long long time, but after all I accepted the fact that it was Masaki´s gynecologist´s fault. The other baby, the other boy, has died quite long before that night. But for some reason, they didn´t find out – that was because Ichigo, our healthy and lively son, was so big and strong. He took all his twin brother´s strength, so much of it that the albino baby couldn´t survive. They even said that if he´d survive the deliver, he wouldn´t be able to live for a long time. Being a tiny little albino, he would have many troubles."

"Of course we were shaken. Masaki used to cry herself to sleep and I had to use sleeping pills to reach it myself. We weren´t the parents we planned to be. Ichigo was often crying and neither of us get up to him. We were exhausted by our own lives. Masaki didn´t know how to keep on and I had no idea how to save us. I loved my son dearly, I always did, but I also loved Masaki. I´m not very proud of this, but we were even considering giving our baby away for an adoption. Luckily, that never happened – I would never ever forgive myself, and I would never stop looking for my son. In the end, he was the only thing that kept us some kind of hope. Masaki still believed we could be saved."

Rukia wasn´t sure if she could take some more. She didn´t know why Isshin came to her at first, many things were going around in her head, but she would never even thing of something like this.

Isshin shook his head, shoving the unnecessary emotions away.

"Well, now, Rukia. As a great and well experienced psychiatrist, I take it you are familiar with split personality?" the doctor asked, his eyes dull like two ponds or dead soil.

She widened her eyes. She didn´t expect him to actually ask her questions. "Well, of course I am, yes." She answered, automatically flashing the pictures of articles in her textbooks in her mind. Split personality wasn´t such a complicated thing. Unusual, but not complicated.

Dr. Kurosaki nodded. "Alright. Let me ask you a question now, Rukia."

She paused. "S-Sure, feel free to ask anything…" she mumbled, a but scared of what was going to come next.

He connected his eyes with hers, brown meeting midnight purple. "Do you consider yourself a doctor in a name of God or science?"

This made Rukia wonder what was going on. She never thought of that, ever in her life. It was one of the questions that she would never expect. "I – uhh… well…" there weren´t so many things that could actually surprise Rukia Kuchiki, but this was certainly one of them. "I… err… I mean, to be ho-honest, I never… I never actually believed in God…"

The man snorted. "And how about when you are in a stressful situation? When you fear for your life? You say 'Oh my God, help me', just like everybody else, but my question is… Who is your God, Rukia? Who do you ask for help when you don´t know what to do anymore?"

"I…" she shook her head. "I really don´t know what to say. I guess… I guess I would like to… consider myself a woman of the God and a doctor of the science, but… I just… don´t know what to think of the world anymore." She said truthfully.

The man smiled. "That was the right answer." He said.

"What?" Rukia couldn´t help but feel shocked again.

"You see, with this attitude, you might actually understand much more than the others." He murmured, looking away. "I want you to know that I´ve been always a reasonable man, Rukia. I indeed was an intelligent and respected doctor – and I still am but – uh… I… since a certain moment of my life, I´m not sure about my textbooks anymore. In certain things, they had failed me."

"In what things they had failed you?" she asked, voice low and cautious.

"Faith. They had failed me in faith. You see Rukia, there are things you simply cannot explain. One of them is my son."

She paused for a moment. "What… what does Ichigo have to do with this?"

Isshin smiled gently. "This is all about him, Rukia. Ichigo is an unexplainable case of split personality."

xOxOxOxOxOx

"_Dad? Oi, dad, yer there?"_

"_U – uh? Oh, Ichigo, I´m sorry. I must have fallen asleep."_

_The not-more than ten years old boy cocked a brow. "Who yer talking 'bout? Ichi ain´t here, dad." He said, grinning widely._

_Isshin rubbed his eyes exhaustedly. "Not this again…" he mumbled to himself quietly, praying his son would stop as soon as possible. Since few weeks ago, this was a daily routine. He was getting tired of it. It was cracking his bones and making his head pound. Sucking the life out of him. Ichigo was being impossible to deal with. For the last few weeks, Isshin didn´t know what to do anymore._

"_What not again? Not yer own son again?" the boy asked bewilderedly, grinning acidly. "Yer growin' old, dad." He mocked._

"_Ichigo, please –"_

"_I told ya Ichi´s not here!" the boy got angry all of the sudden, slamming his fist against the hard wooden desk in his father´s study. This was very usual as well. Sudden violence and anger. Ichigo wasn´t the normal Ichigo anymore lately. He was different. Not all the time, but there were moments when Isshin and Masaki were considering whether this was their own son or not. What a painful thing to admit. "I ain´t in the fuckin' mood fer yer goddamn shit! Ichi ain´t here!" he yelled at his parent, angrily pacing across the room._

_Isshin shook his head. "Why do you do this Ichigo? I can´t understand. I am your dad, I will always love you – you don´t need to play tricks on me to make me love you more. If anything, than it´s making me fear that I failed as a parent, hearing you talk like this."_

"_Sterben, bastard!" the boy screamed these hateful words quite often. They weren´t living in Germany anymore, yet all he seemed to remember from German was how to tell somebody to die. "You just won´t understand! You fuckin' won´t! I AIN´T ICHIGO! 'M YOUR SON, SHIRO!"_

_Isshin just couldn´t bear this. He stood up, took three big steps towards his son and grabbed the boy by the collar of his shirt. "Look, young man. We both know there´s no Shiro here. We both know you are just making up stories because we live so far away from the city that you have no friends to hang out with after school. So please be that kind and stop taunting your father and try to act normal. I would highly appreciate that." The man rubbed his temples gently, trying to ignore the never-stopping pain._

_He let go of the boy and turned on his heel to leave._

_But the boy spoke up again. And to all Isshin´s surprise and shock, his voice was shaking like he was about to cry. _

"_All I wanted was… was to live… with ya all… All I wanted was to have my family…" the little boy whimpered. "But you just keep pushing me away! You keep ignoring me! I can do whatever I want and you just… don´t want me… here…"_

_The man turned to face his son. "Ichigo, what are you saying… we all love you… I love you, your mom loves you, your sisters´ love you…" he came closer to the little boy, dropping to his knees and placing a hand on his son´s shoulder. "Ichigo. You are very important to us –"_

"_NO!" the boy screamed, shaking his dad´s hand off. "I´m not! I´m not Ichigo! Why can´t you see me dad?! Why can´t mum see me?! And why Karin and Yuzu don´t want me to play with them?! WHY?! I just want to live! What´s so bad about it!"_

"_Okay, young man, I will tell you what exactly is wrong about it. The reason why we don´t see you is because you do not exist. Ichigo, you are trying to develop an alter-ego because you feel responsible for your little brother´s death, but that´s not the way to fight the pain and the need for punishment. I told you million times before I could help you – I am a doctor, after all. Ichigo… Ichigo, are you listening?"_

_The boy wasn´t looking at Isshin anymore. "I do… I do exist… you just don´t love me enough to see it."_

"_Alright, son, I promise to take you for a session as soon as I finish work today, this is getting way out of hand." Isshin stated firmly._

"_Why don´t you see, dad. Just why don´t you see. My name is Shiro Kurosaki. I was given that name because I was an albino. And yes, maybe I died even before I could see the light of the day, I died due to the doctor´s fault when I was still inside mommy, but I never left! I always stayed with you. I was always… here… I always wanted to live so badly. But you never accepted me."_

"_Ichigo, I order you to stop this immediately."_

"_Are you afraid, dad? Afraid that your smart books won´t be enough? How do you want to explain me?! HOW?! I FUCKIN AIN´T YOUR STUPID PRECIOUS LITTLE ICHIGO, I´M YOUR SECOND SON SHIRO!"_

"_Stop. Now."_

"_I won´t! I won´t stop until you love me! I won´t stop until… until…"_

xOxOxOxOxOx

Rukia was sitting there, staring at the always so thoughtful man. She would never even think of doubting him and his intelligence, his opinions or knowledge, but right now she wasn´t sure if this was or wasn´t happening. Everything seemed relative. So many things had happened that afternoon that Rukia didn´t even think of the day as of a real one. And in that moment, when Dr. Kurosaki said something like that, she felt that she had every damn right to kick him out of her house. Yeah, she´d probably never do that, but she kind of wanted to. This was just ridiculous.

"What do you mean by that? I´m sorry, Dr. Kurosaki, but that doesn´t seem… likely." She decided to use a less rude term.

Isshin nodded, completely understanding her confusion. "I know it seems to be that way, and you have all my support if you want to break something – but I assure you that I´m not joking." The man opposite to her scratched his scalp. Was he nervous? He for sure looked like he was getting near to that state. "Rukia, I know this might be too much to even think of asking for, but seeing that you are the only one that might help me… I need to try it. I need to ask you for a favor. You see, this is a desperate situation – I have no better label for it really – and as an expert, highly trained in this, I was hoping you could find a solution."

Rukia shook her head. "I don´t understand, Dr. Kurosaki." She said simply, kind of hoping he wouldn´t try to explain.

"Yes, I know. You see, since this… this all had started, and especially after my wife died, I started to study – or, more precisely, read – psychiatry books. But I´m no doctor of psychiatry. I´m just an usual neurosurgeon. That´s why I´m asking you for your help –"

"Rukia? What is the meaning of this?"

In that second, the said psychiatrist thought she will die. Explode and dirty the sofa with her sticky brain. She though that she´d fall apart, bones cracking first. To hell with her entire life! To hell with this goddamn day!

"Mr. Kuchiki, I – I apologize –" even Isshin had no idea what to say. And that was _something_. Isshin always had something to say and he always knew how to use his charm and nonchalance, but now he looked like a helpless stuffed animal.

"What is the meaning of this, Rukia?" Byakuya repeated his question, making it quite clear that he was expecting his sister to answer. "Why, in the middle of the night, there is a man in my living room, and why for the God´s sake are you talking to him? Have you considered offering him a tea?" Byakuya was sarcastic. He was never sarcastic, unless it was a state of crisis. And this was the second time during this evening.

"Oh, I´d love to have a cup of –"

Rukia dug her elbow into Isshin´s ribs, 'gently' letting him know that this was not an actual tea offer.

Byakuya sighed, his left hand wandering to his temple, rubbing it slowly. "Rukia… I´d like you to realize that this is not your house. As long as you live here, I would appreciate if you moved your personal things out of here. If you can´t solve your problems outside of my house and it´s necessary to discuss them indoors, then please move out. I believe you have enough money and _wisdom_ to take care of yourself. Otherwise do not let strangers into my house."

Rukia wasn´t far away from tears. She couldn´t actually explain why, but she was terrified. Terrified of the possibility that her own brother would actually kick her out of the house. In fact, he once already suggested this, in the phone call they had earlier this afternoon. But Rukia took that as simple angry talk, not like something he really meant. Not in hundred years she would think of leaving Byakuya, not even if they were fighting. And double that she couldn´t imagine Byakuya _ hating _her – not hating like hating, but hating enough for parting ways with her. That was just way too cruel, cruel to even use as a warning. She wasn´t sixteen after all. But still – she indeed wasn´t far away from crying her eyes out.

"Dr. Kurosaki," Byakuya´s icy eyes turned to the tall dark haired man. "I don´t mean to be rude, but I would appreciate it if you´d be that kind and leave us now. I would like to discuss something with my sister."

Rukia nearly prayed Dr. Kurosaki would stay. But all she got was a pleading glance from the man and then a creepy sound of closing door.

"Brother, I –"

"Don´t say anymore, Rukia." Byakuya grumbled and turned o his heel. "I have no intention in giving you a lecture. I believe you are a smart and intelligent young woman. All I say is that I do not understand why do you behave like this. I have no idea where did I do mistake."

"There was no mistake, brother!" Rukia tried her very best with puppy face and I-am-nearly-crying voice – which wasn´t actually so hard to do. "I am sorry for this, but I – I had no idea he was about to visit. I was also surprised, even shocked, when he said he needed to talk to me." _Oh please let him understand. Please let him let me live_.

"Oh really?" Byakuya mumbled, putting his left foot on the first step. "Well, if you were so shocked, why did I find you sitting on our sofa with him?" Rukia would normally point out that he was the one sitting on the sofa, she was sitting in their armchair. But this just wasn´t the appropriate situation for this.

She had no words. No good answer. He was right. She was absolutely impossible.

"Not that I´m letting your friend from the university stay in our house for planning her wedding. Not that I´m paying all our taxes. No. As a bonus, I have to deal with this manners of yours, your newly developed part of personality that is trying to break my nerves. That is very… reckless, Rukia. Reckless indeed. I wouldn´t expect that from someone like you." The not-so-tall man spoke to her so calmly it was making the blood freeze in her veins. She´d do anything just to have the opportunity to disappear right now. Anything, just not stay in the same room with her brother. It was seven years since he had slapped her face for something, and she was still terrified of her brother.

"I´m really sorry, bro-"

"Do not bother, Rukia, please. I will now return to my bedroom and you shall do the same, unless you wish to continue your night activities down here. Is there anybody hiding in the bushes? Should I expect another stranger coming through our door for a cup of tea and a chit-chat with my sister?" he shook his head dismissively. He walked up the stairs, leaving his sister down there, standing in the middle of their living room with eyes filled with salty tears. Rukia didn´t cry very often, but when she did, it was really hard to make her stop. That was why she never cried – cry was making her feel weak, and seeing how long she was able to cry about something, she was feeling weak for way too long, which was making it all just worse.

"Damn…" she whispered brokenly and fell into the soft sofa. It was still warm from Dr. Kurosaki´s body, making her tremble with the memory of their stupid talk. If he just wasn´t so obsessed with saving Ichigo´s stupid sorry-ass, she wouldn´t have to have an argument with her brother –

Ichigo. She totally forgot about that. She meant to see him, talk to him about recent events, maybe discuss leaving the asylum – though she probably wouldn´t do that, many patients relied on her. But the point was, she meant to talk to the reason of this all. Damn, now she wanted to kick his ass even more than this afternoon after finding out that he called Byakuya and told him everything. She just couldn´t decide what was worse – this, or the fact that Ichigo actually did what he said he did? Well, after all, it was gathering together on one big mountain of her personal failures, so… Rukia guessed there was no way to measure one failure aside of the other ones. It was all building up in one place to make her life fall completely apart.

She facepalmed. This was getting worse and worse.

What would she say, anyways? It wasn´t like she could actually yell at him again, after hearing the life story from Isshin. Though she really wanted to. Really really much. He deserved it for treating her like he did – but now after this little conversation she was left wondering whether she had the right or not. Her head was pounding from thinking like this. It was all so ridiculous. From a certain point, she didn´t believe a word Isshin said – for example Ichigo having a dissociative identity disorder. That was even more than ridiculous. Ichigo was an expert trained to fight problems like this – there was no possible way he´d have one of his own. Yes, it did happen, but Ichigo was a strong personality. It wasn´t in his nature to end up as a mentally ill person living on pills. Rukia couldn´t just imagine her boss, the one that has always been some sort of an example to her, changing into a different person occasionally.

But then it his her.

Golden eyes. Sudden violence. She didn´t want to think that way but it just appeared on her mind.

"I just don´t want to believe this." She commented out aloud, grabbing four text books and six thinner scientific books written by famous psychiatrists. This… might happen to be an indeed long night.

xOxOxOxOxOx

_Heaven ablaze in our eyes_

_We're standing still in time_

_The blood on our hands is the wine_

_We offer as sacrifice_

_Come on and show them your love_

_Rip out the wings of a butterfly_

_For your soul, my love_

_Rip out the wings of a butterfly_

_For your soul_

_This endless mercy mile_

_We're crawling side by side_

_With hell freezing over in our eyes_

_Gods kneel before our crime_

_Come on and show them your love_

_Rip out the wings of a butterfly_

_For your soul, my love_

_Rip out the wings of a butterfly_

_For your soul_

_Come on and show them your love_

_Rip out the wings of a butterfly_

_For your soul, my love_

_Rip out the wings of a butterfly_

_For your soul_

xOxOxOxOxOx

Sitting behind the table in their kitchen, Rukia faced her own reflection in the – God, is she even thinking anymore? – oven. It was three o´clock in the morning, terribly cold outside as it seemed – hell, it was February and it was snowing heavily like in the beginning of January – and awfully dark everywhere. The only source of light was the small table lamp they had in the kitchen. The table was flooded with piles of medical books and Rukia´s old studying materials. She was actually really surprised that she was still keeping all these things, even her old projects and notebooks from the university, not to mention the exercise books from high school she had found under her bed. But right now she was glad she still had them; in such a situation she needed everything. She just had to try something.

When she was younger, well, hitting the puberty and such, she would never even think of being a psychiatrist. Psychiatrists had to see a logical explanation in everything – absolutely everything – and look for a good solution. Typical clients were crazy people that often thought there was a dead person standing behind their doctor. Psychiatrists simply had to deal with this and try to explain to their patients that was a total nonsense – so you surely understand that not everybody could be a psychiatrist. To be a psychiatrist, you must not believe in these things. You mustn´t have even the slightest doubt. Your will and nerves have to be firm and steady, because even if there´s someone really convincing, it is your responsibility to keep calm and carry on.

But as a teenager, Rukia believed in everything. Literally. There were monsters under her bed, there was a ghost in her mirror, there was a fairy in their bathroom. The God was relieving some stress on her by giving her bad luck. The Devil was pushing her off the cliff when everything was falling apart. Rukia, long story short, loved every supernatural thing that had ever been mentioned, and she fully supported every idiocy she read in old books or magazines or on the internet. Well, she was scared of everything that rustled, but otherwise she was a big fan.

But she had changed her mind about paranormal stuff and became a psychiatrist after all. And never got back to it again. She still kept her books and still read about new paranormal events on the usual websites she´s known for ages, but never had a high meaning of it. She simply didn´t believe it anymore. No more monsters under her bed (she could even sleep without her sheets – when she was younger, she always had to have a blanket, because if she didn´t cover herself, the monsters could see her and knew where she was). No more ghosts in her mirror, or any other mirror. When she was younger she had to put away all her mirrors because she was literally terrified of them. She always feared she´d see something more beside herself, that there might be somebody else. And also no more fairies in the bathroom; she replaced them with perfumes and natural aromatherapy candles. No more blaming God for her bad luck and no more blaming Devil for her life falling into dark eras. She was a smart and well-balanced young woman. She didn´t need her monsters anymore to make herself feel special.

Though – in situations like this, being both, an accountable and compelling character she was, she had some kind of an advantage. She could see this in two different versions – as a doctor, a cogent personality and a clever girl, and as a fan of everything unexplainable. She could offer two points of view, two opinions and two possible solutions. Not many of the other doctors were capable of this. Their mind was closed to many things. And that was Rukia´s advantage and actual power – as a doctor, of course.

Though thinking of it really hard, maybe she could offer no solution at all. Which was very unpleasing.

But even as a trained psychiatrist, she had to admit there were things that could not be explained.

"Ok, that´s just enough." She commented bossily and threw the book she was reading on the pile of the others she´s read that night.

No more useless looking for a logical explanation. That meant nothing. It wouldn´t help, anyway. Some things couldn´t have their logical explanation, and that was why she now decided to stop thinking as a psychiatrist, but act as a regular young woman whose boyfriend was in some kind of danger; though nobody actually knew what kind of danger it was. But she had enough of this. Right now she was in no mood for thinking of something that might solve this all. She simply pushed all the different names of pills that were running around her mind away, telling herself that drops weren´t always the solution, and as it was so late in the night, Rukia decided to pay Ichigo a little night visit.

The young doctor silently ran upstairs and into her room, pulling off her pajamas (or whatever that was supposed to be), didn´t even bother with putting on her underwear and quickly slipped into a pair of jeans and a white undershirt with SpongeBob on the back. She grasped a heavy black coat and a white fur hat. She stopped in the kitchen, looking around the house if she should take anything else. Her paranoid part of mind was telling her to take a stun gun with her, just in case Ichigo would want to try something she wouldn´t be comfortable with. But the part of her that deeply cared for the orangey told her to calm down and be just a bit cautious. That would do it.

Rukia looked at the table hidden under a cover of psychiatry books and everything that had ever had a small piece of psychiatry in it. Yes, no? Yes no? She had a tiny mental battle with herself, thinking whether to keep at least a part of her professionalism and businesslike manners, or to walk into Ichigo´s house like an absolutely normal girl concerned about a person she cares for. Her handbag was strangely light, empty, which was incredibly unusual for someone like Rukia. She used to have her bag stuffed with millions of useless things she usually never even pulled out of there, but it was making her feel more secure when she had them. Now, there were no tons of books, no tons of good luck charms, no weird things psychiatrists used for treatment. There was just her wallet and cell phone. Nothing else. That was… very new to her. Such a light handbag.

The dark-haired doctor sighed, opening the main door as quietly as possible. Now, if Byakuya found out about this little night trip to Ichigo´s, she could be hella sure she was moving out.

She got into her car.

_Okay. Dissociative identity disorder. What can you remember, Rukia? _The young doctor shook her head. There she was, driving her car like a total freak, not caring about the possibility of getting herself killed or caught by the cops – all that mattered in that moment was her need to help Ichigo. All that mattered was actually Ichigo himself. She was thinking so vaguely and quickly that her brain barely registered any of these thoughts. She felt like her own mind was going to crush her into thousands of pieces.

_Dissociative identity disorder - previously known as multiple personality disorder - is an effect of severe trauma during early childhood, usually extreme, repetitive physical, sexual, or emotional abuse. It is one of the unexplained and most intriguing mental disorders we know. _Rukia couldn´t help but smile slightly as she pictured her professor from the university, walking across the classroom with his tiny cute glasses on and his long white hair in ponytail. Ukitake-sensei had the same disease as her brother did; and sadly, he died two years ago due to it. Rukia wasn´t sad anymore – she kept telling herself that he wasn´t in pain anymore. He wasn´t coughing so horribly anymore. He was in a better place where pain and suffering didn´t exist.

_There we go again._ _You´re supposed to be a psychiatrist, reasonable and calm and logical, yet, you´re thinking of an afterlife. Another life after this. You´re supposed to think it´s impossible. You´re supposed to be looking for a smart explanation for this all, yet, you´re thinking that you´re once-professor is in the heaven now. Or whatever. Amazing, Rukia. You never cease to shock me. What would Ukitake-sensei think, huh? I guess he wouldn´t be very pleased to see you like this, you little I-believe-in-everything idiot. _Rukia gave herself a huge mental slap and sighed heavily. More and more ridiculous. She started to talk to herself again. That was never a good thing. Then the usual chit-chat came: "_Stop talking to yourself, Rukia. Oh, but you know that you won´t stop, so don´t be so bitchy at yourself. You know, you really should stop talking. Okay, I will stop now. But you´re still talking, baka!"_ That was one of her specialties. Luckily, no one knew about this one.

_Dissociative identity disorder is a severe form of dissociation, a mental process, which produces a lack of connection in a person's thoughts, memories, feelings, actions, or sense of identity. Dissociative identity disorder is thought to stem from trauma experienced by the person with the disorder. The dissociative aspect is thought to be a coping mechanism - the person literally dissociates himself from a situation or experience that's too violent, traumatic, or painful to assimilate with his conscious self_.

Rukia nodded. Yes, that was right. The person who saw something… very disturbing, would try to create an alter-ego, maybe to happen to be someone else for a moment to escape everything that had ever happened to him. Very usual, though the disorder itself wasn´t. It was actually very rare, but between those who suffered from it, this was the very most common reason. A traumatic childhood. Rukia sometimes wondered how was it even possible that she didn´t have the disease herself. Her childhood wasn´t bad, she mostly didn´t even remember, but, well, sometimes you just felt that things are not that fine.

Reaching the end of the city, she turned onto an older road to the quiet part of the city; another little suburb, not really far away from the mental hospital she worked in. It wasn´t that far away anymore, but it was pretty dark and at a top of that, it was snowing, so Rukia had troubles seeing well.

_Dissociative identity disorder is characterized by the presence of two or more distinct or split identities or personality states that continually have power over the person's behavior. With dissociative identity disorder, there's also an inability to recall key personal information that is too far-reaching to be explained as mere forgetfulness. With dissociative identity disorder, there are also highly distinct memory variations, which fluctuate with the person's split personality. Understanding the development of multiple personalities is difficult, even for highly trained experts. But dissociative identity disorder does exist. It is the most severe and chronic manifestation of the dissociative disorders that cause multiple personalities._

She couldn´t resist shaking her head. She remembered it all, every detail and every word Ukitake-sensei said. But could she actually understand when it came to it? What if this wasn´t even Ichigo´s case? What if Isshin got it all wrong? What if her boyfriend-or-something was just a… bad man? After all, there was no prove. No evidence. Maybe a painful life story and a traumatic childhood, yes, definitely, but many people had bad childhood and they were _okay_. They were just like the others, living their normal lives. Why just Ichigo, of all people, would suffer from a split personality?

She wished this wasn´t true.

Thinking of it some more, maybe this was Nel´s case. No schizophrenia. Dissociative identity disorder sounded much more possible. Nel´s alter-ego called Neliel Tu Odershwank – Rukia had to clap herself that she could finally remember the whole name – was practically the same person, just old enough to do things for herself and totally capable of living on her own rules. That might be the real source of Nel´s problem. Since she was never really free and allowed to act on her own free will, she might have developed an alter-ego, a powerful, intelligent and beautiful young woman that had her own life and was happy to live it like she wanted to, not like somebody else told her to. Rukia smiled victoriously. That was it.

Though this was about Ichigo. She was glad that Nel came to her mind, but she had to solve other problems right now.

Two people in one body. It was hard to imagine. Especially in Ichigo.

_The "alters" or different identities have their own age, sex, or race. Each has his or her own postures, gestures, and distinct way of talking. Sometimes the alters are imaginary people; sometimes they are animals. As each personality reveals itself and controls the individuals' behavior and thoughts, it's called "switching." Switching can take seconds to minutes to days. When under hypnosis, the person's different "alters" or identities may be very responsive to the therapist's requests._

Maybe Isshin did have some point. Ichigo sometimes really did act differently, just out of blue that you couldn´t even notice the mood swing. All of the sudden, he could become violent and pushy, and in another minute, he was spilling apologies to her for being that way. Yes, there were things you could not explain. Ever, by any logical terms.

"God dammit." She cursed in a low voice.

The car appeared on the road right to Ichigo´s house – she´s been here before, and she wasn´t talking about the two days ago unplanned sleepover, but like two months ago to give him some materials he wanted from her in the work but then left early. She remembered how to get there quite well, since back then she was oh so honored to come here. Two months ago it was a great success, because she didn´t know of any other doctors that would come to Ichigo´s house – even if it was for a business purpose.

Well, now it certainly wasn´t a business purpose. She parked the car in front of the not-so-big house and took a deep breath before turning the engine off and getting out into the snowy night. She closed and locked the car and smiled to the snow. She loved it, every part of it. Snow was making her feel safe. Safe and kind of close to her family. She didn´t remember her parents very well, but from what she could tell – they were loving and kindhearted. And _that_ day… or the day before _that_ day… it was snowing. It was definitely snowing, she was sitting at her desk in front of her window and she was writing something. A letter maybe? She wasn´t sure, but she could remember how happy she was writing whatever it was. And the snow looked perfect, so pure and innocent, so amazing that day. The next day it was dirtied with blood, a lot of blood, but that didn´t matter now really.

Rukia stopped, allowing herself to be just staring at the flying snowflakes and decided to move. She turned around towards the door.

And there she stopped.

"You are so awesome, Rukia, indeed." She said out aloud. "How actually are you planning to get inside? Ichigo might be sleeping. Or even not home. Plus it´s really rude to interfere this late at night – or early in the morning. Well, you are just so incredibly intelligent." She couldn´t help but be a bit sarcastic at herself. Really, she didn´t think this through.

But all worries aside, she tried her luck in pushing the door knob down to see if Ichigo left the door unlocked.

Her eyes widened when she found out that he did. Leaving the door unlocked, that was something Byakuya would ground her for. Well, yeah, he´s never said the 'you´re grounded' line, but she was imagining him doing so quite often. It just suited so fine.

Rukia nodded slowly.

_Fine. I can do this. I can do this the right way. No sex. No sex, Rukia. That´s not the solution. Take it this way – would you have sex with Nel? No. So no sex with Ichigo until you fix it. _

_Along with the dissociation and multiple or split personalities, people with dissociative disorders may experience any of the following symptoms: Depression, mood swings, suicidal tendencies, sleep disorders (insomnia, night terrors and sleep walking),anxiety, panic attacks, and phobias (flashbacks, reactions to stimuli or "triggers"), alcohol and drug abuse, compulsions and rituals, psychotic-like symptoms (including auditory and visual hallucinations), eating disorders._

_Other symptoms of dissociative identity disorder may include headache, amnesia, time loss, trances, and "out of body experiences." Some people with dissociative disorders have a tendency toward self-persecution, self-sabotage, and even violence (both self-inflicted and outwardly directed). As an example, someone with dissociative identity disorder may find themselves doing things they wouldn't normally do such as speeding, reckless driving, or stealing money from their employer or friend, yet they feel they are being compelled to do it. Some describe this feeling as being a passenger in their body rather than the driver. In other words, they truly believe they have no choice._

Last paragraph was repeated in her mind and she slowly stepped in.

The house was quiet and dark, only a small light was coming out of the kitchen. As she came through the main door, on her left side there was Ichigo´s living room with a sofa oriented towards the windows on the same side as the door, facing the LCD TV he had there. She couldn´t really recognize anything else because the light simply wasn´t enough. Very slowly and carefully, quietly as a thief, she touched the switch and turned the lights on. The room was filled with a dim light in a second and Rukia, to her horror, realized she wasn´t alone.

Ichigo was sitting on the big black sofa, sleeping like a baby. His face was unusually serene, there was no scowl that was so typical for him, or any sign of worries. Rukia couldn´t help but smile a bit. He looked so peaceful and – let´s face it, she really thought of that – human. His pink lips were slightly parted and seemed dry for some reason. Rukia noticed the half empty bottle of whiskey and a glass, still unfinished. Ichigo had been drinking, as it seemed. Rukia came close and failed at resisting the urge to sit next to him.

So slowly, she sat down just few inches away from the orange-haired man. She was still smiling, and leaned in to sniff; no, he didn´t seem to be drunk. He´s just probably had few… that didn´t really matter. He didn´t seem to be distracted by her presence anyhow, which was very good news. His eyes stayed closed and his face stayed so almost-childish. To Rukia he seemed sweet and innocent in that moment. She carefully studied the lights and shadows in his face, conscientiously mapping his features. He was… really beautiful. She just had to admit that. She didn´t know many man with such a face.

Her mind snapped to Grimmjow for some reason. That night when he felt sick and she was taking care of him. He was a really attractive man, too, but in a different way. She couldn´t really explain that, but… well, that was another story.

Her hand reached out and her slender calloused fingers gently brushed against the skin of his neck. It was soft and warm, and Ichigo stayed very calm even as she touched him. Sleeping like a log. His head slightly moved towards her, shadows disappearing from his motionless features as he did so. The light spilled over his face and for a second, Rukia was worried it might wake him up. But it didn´t; he just licked his lips and tilted his head more back, pressing it into the sofa. Rukia was staring at his exposed neck, thinking about something like a 'jaw porn', before moving her eyes back to his face.

Yep, sexy as hell. She had already decided.

But no sex. He was sleeping anyway. In that moment Rukia got few wicked ideas, but bravely chased them off. She was a good girl, after all. She came here to talk, not no molest.

She widened her eyes in shock. Ichigo… that man was doing _things_ to her.

But still, she felt the need, the urge to watch him sleeping. She gently laid her two fingers on the place right next to his ear and slid them down to his chin, gently caressing his silky skin. Repeating the action, she enjoyed touching him like this without him knowing she was even there. Since they had been – well, they weren´t really together, but let´s say together after all – it´s been a passionate relationship. No cuddling, no movie watching, no cooking together in the late mornings because they were both sleeping for so long. Well, facing it, Rukia admitted it was about sex until just now. Now everything got serious for some reason.

She sighed, studying Ichigo´s face more carefully.

His lashes were glued together and looked heavy. To Rukia´s shock, there were tear trails coming down his cheeks. Her eyes widened in horror. Ichigo had been crying. How comes she didn´t notice those dry tears sooner? They were so obvious now.

Suddenly, she felt like crying herself. _God dammit!_

She slowly and carefully placed her palms on his cheeks, using her thumbs to caress the dried tears. She gently roamed her soft fingers over the slightly rougher skin on his face, wiping the rest of the salty liquid away. What could possibly make Ichigo cry? A movie? A really catching music? She leaned in and softly pressed her forehead against his, rubbing their noses against each other. She rested their foreheads together while still holding his cheeks, her thumbs slowly caressing his face. Her eyes were closed and she was barely breathing, careful not to wake the man before her up. He was still sleeping like a baby, but now she just wasn´t sure if it was a happy sleep or not. What would make Ichigo cry?

Nudging their noses cutely, like this was their first date, she leaned in some more, her chest merely touching his. Rukia breathed shallowly, thinking that if she spoke up her voice would be definitely shaking as if she was crying herself. Again during this unusual night she had the urge to cry. She wouldn´t, though. Crying was making her feel weak. She hated crying. She didn´t mind when other people cried; she felt with them. But never cried herself. Cry was like a punch in the stomach for her. It was knocking her down.

She sighed, the noise being indeed somewhat shaky. She turned around and leaned her back against Ichigo´s strong muscular torso. He wasn´t as muscular as Grimmjow, but his body so close to her was making her feel protected. Not because of the muscles, no. There was something about his body heat she just couldn´t resist loving. This was one of the very rare moments when she didn´t regret being so small. She loved the feeling of her own body cuddled into his. It felt just… perfect. He felt so good. She needed him around.

She gently took his hand into hers and guided his arm to rest around her waist. Much better. Even warmer. Ichigo´s house wasn´t cold, just unfamiliar. Sooner or later she would start to take her clothes of in here. And yes, that was supposed to sound both sweet and perverted.

Rukia would shake her head if she didn´t fear that it would make Ichigo up. She´d happily kick her own butt for thinking like this. How could she be still so kinky, even in a moment like this? Was it Ichigo´s amazing body or some kind of weird fetish for crazy people…? She couldn´t tell. Both theories were a bit unsettling. But even though she felt a bit weird for the warm feeling in her stomach, she pressed it to the back of her mind and cuddled into the man behind her some more. She stretched his arm around her, sighing in satisfaction as she did so. Warmth enveloped her tiny body and for this little moment of peace, she felt as though nothing could ever go wrong.

She tilted her head back, her nose colliding with his chin. She tilted it a bit further and brushed her lips across his silky skin.

"What makes you cry?" she whispered to herself, propping herself up a bit. She pressed her head between Ichigo´s left jaw and left shoulder, putting her legs up and making herself more comfortable. If they weren´t going to talk, she´d at least spend the night comfortably. She didn´t need to have her back aching and head pounding. Once she fell asleep on a sofa in a bad position and for the next week Tia was making fun of her. Something about an old hag with a heavy bucket of gingerbread. Tia wasn´t very funny or the one to tell jokes, but sometimes she made the situation funny only because she said something she normally wouldn´t. That was why they were friends.

Rukia smiled softly, letting out the breath she didn´t remember holding in her lungs. She was totally enjoying herself. As she wasn´t very sociable, or, well, friendly for that matter, she never get many human contact. She haven´t been cuddling in years. Not that she didn´t have sex in two years – that wouldn´t be so bad since orgasms like they were might count – but she hasn´t cuddled with someone since she broke up with Kaien. That was her university sempai, an idol of all the girls from her branch of study. She had this weird luck in stealing him for herself. Everyone hated her afterwards, but although Kaien didn´t look like it, he was really cuddly. Sometimes they were skipping classes only to stay in bed and laze around, Rukia laying on his chest and after some time Kaien wrapping his arms around her, both laying on their sides to face each other.

She shook her head. Why did she always start to think of someone else while with Ichigo? Was she… comparing or something?

"You can´t imagine how much I want to know." Rukia mumbled. "I wish I found out what your dad was talking about. He didn´t finish though, and I want to hear the rest of the story. I really want to… get to know you better." She had to shake her head again. She was practically talking to herself as if Ichigo would respond, and not only that – she was even saying such bullshits like she was 16-year-old crazed high school girl she used to be.

"I wish I could help you, Ichigo." She whispered so quietly she barely heard it herself. "I really want to help you."

But what if she couldn´t? What if she fails him? And his dad? She´d ruin everything. Maybe it´s all her fault, after all. Well, Dr. Kurosaki came to her as she started dating Ichigo – not before, not some time after it. Right after it happened. And Rukia couldn´t deny that there was something not quite alright about Ichigo. The eyes change, for example. Sometimes they were hazelnut and honey colored, and in few seconds they could turn absolutely gold. She didn´t say she didn´t like it; it was interesting and new to her. But that didn´t mean it didn´t scare her. At least a bit.

How much she wanted to find out. Even if the truth was painful and not-so-desired, she wanted to know. She just had to know what was it that was making her so restless.

"Having fun down there?"

Rukia literally jumped, shrieking and hitting the back of her head against Ichigo´s chin. They both growled at the pain. Rukia was red as a raw tomato and turned around shakily. "I – Ichigo… I was… well, I just came here to, you know, your dad and things… sorry, I didn´t mean to –"

The orange haired man chuckled deeply. "Don´t worry about it. I don´t mind. It was really nice to have you here, at least for few short moments."

Her eyes widened. "What do you mean? You – you were awake? The whole time?" Well, that would be really embarrassing.

The broad-shouldered man smiled. "Well, _I_ was."

She sighed. "I really am sorry. I don´t know what was I thinking. Probably something about coming here and talking to you, even though it´s three in the morning, maybe even four already, but it was snowing and your dad came to my house to talk to me about something I didn´t quite understand…" Rukia shook her head. Whenever she got nervous, even just a little bit, she started talking rubbish. And didn´t make sense at all, even if she was trying really hard. "Well, I just want to say I´m sorry for just storming into your house like that. I should have known better." She said at last.

He shook his head, shrugging his shoulders. "That´s fine, Rukia. Like I said; I don´t mind that much. I admit it was a bit weird to suddenly feel something touching me, and smell that… sea and snow and rain – but I like it. I like it when you´re around. We both do, I guess."

She smiled too. "Yeah… I have to admit I like to have you around, too."

He wrapped his arms around her slender waist. "But I´m not talking about you, Rukia."

The frowned. "What – what are you saying, Ichigo?"

"Ichigo ain´t here, baby."

xOxOxOxOxOx

**There! Barb did it!**

**So. Some more explanation. Many things are thought up, I just have to write it all. I promise to try harder.**

**Any questions?**

**And… some reviews? :P BTW. GUYS. I love you all so much! You´re amazing! 3**

**Oh, and the part that rhymes, that´s not mine – It´s the song 'Wings of a butterfly' by HIM.**


	10. Quick announcement

**Quick announcement **

Hey guys. Sorry, no new chapter.

I just want to let you know (on my friend Fee´s recommendation) that I won´t be updating for some time.

The reasons are on my profile, but just in case; an important person to me died not such a long time ago, actually it´s just about a week. I´ve been stressed out lately and I don´t seem to be able to do much with my life right now.

But a big thanks belongs to all of you. I appreciated your love guys.

And you know what? I´ll be back, with chapters and chapters and maybe few new fics. It´s a promise to you all. Yup.

For now, wish me luck. I´ll try my best at surviving.

~ Barb


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